08/06/08 pt.2

I decided to post this tractor pic to go along with the theme I have had the past few days. I like to try to think out of the box and this was one of those tries. Y'all know we love tractors around here! Our friend up the road has quite a few tractors and I photographed them a month or so ago. I will try to show more later. :)


Today has been hard. Thankfully, one of my best friends and her daughter came over and we went to lunch and did a small amount of shopping. It was a good way to keep my mind off of losing Ashes, but when I walked in the door, it hit me again. I was expecting to see her sitting on our bed, or on the floor. I have found myself thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye and turn to look at her, but she isn't there. I know it was time but my heart isn't understanding that very well.

I thought I'd take the kids up this morning to see our "new kitties" and check on them. I thought it might make me feel a bit better. They made me smile, but they I soon found could not take away the void left by Ashes. They will definitely become a new part of my heart, but they can never replace her!

The kids have handled Ashes' passing quite well. They keep telling ME not to cry. Of course, they didn't watch Ashes grow up and nurture her in the way we did. She was 6 when they were born and stayed under the bed the first 6 years of their life. lol She would only come out when they napped or went to bed at night. In fact, she still held that "tradition" until recently.

Tomorrow I head back to school. I can't believe my summer is gone. I will say that I had a restful one and the stress I felt at the end of last year has subsided. I am trying to look at this year as a new opportunity. Daddy reminded me the other day that I needed to be thankful I have a job and the health in which to do it. He is so right. God has blessed me with the gift of teaching and I will use it to glorify Him. It is not me, but Him through me.

I had all of these thoughts I was going to write about my summer and the beginning of school but all of that has slipped my mind now with what happened to Ashes. I haven't been able to think very clearly today and I know it is partly because of no sleep last night. Maybe tomorrow I'll get philosophical again. lol

Steve was going to have to work late but he called and said the meeting was cancelled. We'll still go on with our plans of a movie/picnic in the middle of the den floor. Great family time on my last night before school. I hope I sleep better tonight, too.