Searching for 2020 Vision

Our son seems to struggle with keeping up with his glasses. He thinks he can go without them, but he has recently realized life is so much easier with them on your face.  We have found since he got them in third grade that it is hard to keep this boy in glasses. Unfortunately, contacts are not his favorite.

This year alone, our boy has gone through three pair - let me tell you the story. 

In February, he went for his eye exam and got an updated pair of glasses because his older ones had been lost, found, lost again, broken, etc. I figured since he was older now we would have greater success at keeping them in one piece and one place! 

He managed to lose those glasses, though.... only to find them a bit later in the side of his bed where his bed frame caught them. Whew. We dodged that one!

Move forward to the end of summer. He was working with some cows and had to chase one with a four-wheeler through a wooded area. He hit a tree root with that four-wheeler and went two-wheeling for a time and in the process, you guessed it, he lost his glasses. I get a phone call from him telling me the story. Well, some cow somewhere can probably see really well, but now my boy cannot see. 

Our boy decides to become resourceful and finds the pair we bought for him long ago when he was much younger and kept losing his glasses. When we got them (ordered them online), they were too big for his face, but now that he was older, they fit great! He was thrilled that he had solved his problem. Then, a few weeks later, he is out on our property putting up fencing for his future cows. He was working hard.... and those glasses fell out of a pocket and were gone. I thought he was joking when he told me. By now, this is just getting comical.

He then had to resort to a pair of glasses he had in fifth grade...but he left them on the den floor, stepped on them and broke one of the arms. He fixed it by putting an ear string from a face mask on each side and strapping them to his head. It was comical to say the least.

A couple of weeks ago he was out on the fence line at dark. He said he felt a nudge to go look for those glasses again that he lost when out working on the property. He got out his cell phone and turned on the flashlight and said, "Lord, it would really be great if I could find those glasses so I can see again." Within a few minutes, the Lord showed him where they were - stuck in the ground and caked in mud. He was so excited! He cleaned them off and was able to see again, then called me to tell me the good news. He has since lost them a few more times but found them again. While we could get irritated that he loses his glasses so much, we have come to accept that this is part of his life right now. It is a learning experience where he will be responsible for future glasses. 

But then...it occurred to me that this year of 2020 has felt like the story of our son losing his glasses. 

I have felt the 2020 vision of the Lord's guidance has been lost, then found, then lost again only to be found later covered in the mud of the year we have all faced. I have tried to cling to them, only to drop them somewhere and not find them for a time.

2020 is supposed to be perfect vision but this year has seemed anything but that.

I have joined the many people who have struggled to see the meaning of it all. 

I have felt my vision of a normal life fade. 

I have struggled to see clearly out of the glasses I have used in previous years. 

Some days seemed comical with the events around me. For a time, I was hanging on to the glasses while chasing life on a four-wheeler through a wooded area. Then, out of nowhere, a hidden root of a circumstance made my four-wheeler go two-wheeling and those glasses fell off. I was driving with a blurred view of my surroundings. 

I have tried to strap on some "string" of Scripture to my glasses so they can still hang on my face and allow me to see His Truths. I have used the Light of His Word to find the strength to see each day.

This year of 2020 has been a hard one to really SEE what is going on with clear vision.

But maybe that is what the perfect vision of 2020 was to show me. 

I cannot see without HIM. I cannot strap on His vision with my own strength or ideas. I must allow Him to hold the glasses of His truths on my face because I lose things easily in my human nature. 

When my glasses of what was going on around me were lost, mud-caked, and I could not see, He shone His light of Scripture so I could find them again. He helped me clean them off and see again. By Scripture I could see His hand of hope, mercy, or love on my situations.  Some days were clearer than others.

But that is what faith is all about - hoping without always seeing.

Hebrews 11:1 (ESV) - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

I find that I am still cleaning off the mud that has been caked on throughout this year. I have learned more deeply how to cling to the One who can give sight to the blind because 2020 has felt like one blind-sighted moment after another. 

 1 Corinthians 2:9 (CSB) - What no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human heart has conceived—God has prepared these things for those who love him.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (ESV) - But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV) - So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

My prayer for 2021 is remember the 2020 vision the Lord gave me this year, and see more clearly that He is faithful, steadfast, and my only HOPE. Here is a quote from one of the books the Lord has had me re-read lately that sums up 2020:

"Although we may feel that we're taking a blind step of faith into an uncertain future, with each successive step that we take, we will experience God's faithfulness and we'll develop the faith that learns to trust God, regardless of what we 'see.' This is the kind of faith that saves. It's faith that responds to God's Promises and moves forward. Faith causes you to know in your heart before you see with your eyes." - Cherie Hill - Be Still: Let Jesus Calm Your Storms

2 Corinthians 5:7 - for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Hope and Praise - Learned Through the Dandelions

Each year I ask the Lord to give me a word on which to think upon and use in my life for the year ahead. Last December as I was praying over the word from Him, it was not coming easily. Even with trying to find verses for my calendar for 2020, the ones He was giving me felt very disjointed and never flowing quite right. I kept praying that the lord would give me more clarity, but He chose to give me verses that were not showing a theme as I had wanted, but they were definitely showing His truths.

Finally, the Lord gave me the word I needed for this year and He gave it to me literally right before 2020 began. It is the word HOPE. I will be honest - I questioned it. I felt like that was such a common word we see all around us - like in home decor or our use of the word so casually. Little did I realize how much the Lord would use that word in my life and how it would deepen my understanding of it's true meaning as I have walked through this year.

January and February came and went with "ease" as we can look back on now. (haha)

As March came into play - the word "hope" became something on which I was to cling. When our world abruptly "stopped," my way to "escape" out of the quarantine was to walk - mostly up and down my driveway. I know many people had to find different ways to deal with the grief and sadness at being "yanked away" from socialization. Mine came from the walks. On these walks, the Lord began to teach me more about HOPE in Him and how to PRAISE Him even when I did not understand.

While walking, I began to see many dandelions. Most people hate a dandelion. They are seen as just a weed and are annoying to those trying to get rid of them.

I am not one of those people. I love them and find them captivating.

In my personal opinion, their beauty goes unnoticed. They bloom all around us, yet most walk by and do not take in the details of the magnificent creation that they really are. Over the course of this year, and with life being "put on hold" because of a pandemic, I was able to have time to easily view dandelions come up from the winter soil and begin their life in spring. I have always loved to capture them through my camera lens, but this year they seemed to be calling out for me to view them in a new light... Or maybe the Lord needed to remind me of His truth in something of His creation that I would be able to view in my own yard  since that is where I was confined for some time. So, I grabbed my camera and off I went....

I began looking at the yellow blooms dotting the newly-greening yard and sensing cheer in the midst of uncertainty. I began to see the white of the seeds blowing in the breeze and found myself drawn to them even more than previous years.

While I understand that not everyone feels the same about dandelions, we cannot deny some valuable facts about them:

They have deep root systems - they can grow from 10 to 15 feet deep.

Their greens are full of Vitamin A - which boosts immunity and helps with eyesight.

The entire plant can be used for human consumption with great benefits.

This little "weed" can grow 8-24 inches - and keep growing no matter what the conditions are around it.

Dandelions are actually a part of the daisy family. Yep....see...We love daisies so why not dandelions.

One dandelion flower is actually a combination of 300 flowers that at first look may appear to be petals. 

The seeds are pretty spectacular. Once the flower dries out, the petals fall off and the seeds appear.

The seeds are attached to light and airy "pappi" (the white fluffy part) which allow the seed to spread easily.

https://www.birdsandblooms.com/gardening/7-surprising-facts-dandelions/

https://homeguides.sfgate.com/how-does-a-dandelion-grow-13406401.html

Those dandelions showed me so much of what HOPE and PRAISE in the Lord requires. Much of it is based on that root system!

I must be rooted deeply in God's Word for my hope to remain steadfast and sure. If my time in God's Word is shallow, I will never see His HOPE and be able to praise Him through it all.

After being rooted in the Lord and His Word deeply, I can then grow in Him and be of benefit to others. My spiritual immune system can be stronger and my spiritual eyesight will be clear.

Because the Lord is my HOPE, I can still grow even when the "soil of life" is hard and dry. I can still be a bright influence in the lives of others.

I am not alone - just as the dandelion is part of the daisy family - I am a part of the Body of Christ. I can trust that I have my spiritual family around me.

I must die to my "own" hope - what I might think is best. I have to die to self so that my petals fall off and reveal new seeds which signal new growth that is only possible through the Lord.

Those new spiritual seeds are attached to my Abba "Pappi" so that as they "leave me," I am spreading the Lord's Truths and not my own. In this I am showing PRAISE to the Lord.

Once those seeds fall, they can begin the cycle again in another. That is what being a believer in Christ is all about.

This year has been hard.

It has looked hard for most of us in the same ways because of COVID - but then there are personal hardships each of us have walked through this year - some even that many are not aware.

Personally, my hope in the Lord is stronger because of the hardship. I will never look at a dandelion in the same way because of what the Lord showed me through them this year. I will never look at 2020 without the memory of this year, but at the same time, I will praise the Lord for what He has done in my life through all of the hardship. I think those two words - hope and praise - are needed much in our lives now. We must realize that our hope is in Christ alone and we must praise Him even when we do not understand - even when it is hard. That is why the verse the Lord actually gave me in 2019 for my "year word" of "praise" is so fitting for us now. He knew I would still need to cling to it in 2020. 

And cling I have.

Remember how I said above that the verses the Lord gave me for my calendar of 2020 were "disjointed" and did not follow a theme? Well, every verse for every month has been a truth from the Lord that I have needed at that time. It was His HOPE that kept me steadfast and secure when our world has not made sense around us. In that, I PRAISE Him.

Being Fed for the Journey Ahead

The Lord has shown me much over the last six months - and I have shared some of those moments in my previous blog posts. I have a feeling there will be more posts sharing what the Lord has taught me.

After ending the school year with distance learning, this summer was weird. (Well, what is new - for the most part, all of 2020 so far has been weird!) The summer was filled with a lot of uncertainty and I could not fully "relax" and plan for a new school year. 

The picture below was taken in winter. While I know I am discussing my summer, this whole season of COVID has felt like winter - in the middle of a desert. Bare branches, no color, bitterness, and food can be scarce. (...or toilet paper and cleaners....) Life still was not "normal."

One thing I always love about my summers is that I am able to study God's Word for longer periods of time. I am so grateful for what the Lord showed me during this wintry, dry-desert, wilderness of a summer.

I was reading in I Kings 19 about Elijah the prophet. In chapter 18, he had shown God's great power in the defeat of the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. It has always intrigued me how in just the next chapter - chapter 19 - Elijah goes from the confident prophet of chapter 18 to the scared man running away from Queen Jezebel in chapter 19. She was angry over her prophets of Baal being defeated and killed at Mount Carmel and wanted to take Elijah's life. This no longer just dealt with defending the Lord. This involved Elijah's LIFE. Elijah was scared....Elijah was human.

As Elijah runs for his life and hides in the wilderness, the Lord takes care of him. See from these verses in I Kings 19:4-8

But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”

And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” 

And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. 

And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” 

And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.

Elijah just wanted to run away and be done with life, but the Lord, in His wisdom, knew what Elijah needed more than Elijah thought. He was in the wilderness under a "broom tree." (A "broom tree" is a bush that gives just enough shade in the desert. It is not your huge shade tree in the backyard of a picturesque American-style home. It would not be my idea of rest and shade.) The Lord sent His angel to give Elijah rest and then to feed him. He knew what journey lay ahead for Elijah and wanted him to be fed and nourished in the best way for what he was being called to do.

That picture of a Elijah in the wilderness trying to find shade from a broom tree resembles this past summer for me. (....and maybe you, too....)  I wanted to run away from it all. My heart and soul felt like I was wandering in this strange desert and, while I had some rest, the summer was also one full of many "what ifs." Life felt so uncertain and, at times, dry, harsh, and bitter.

But in that wilderness under my own "broom tree" the Lord called me to Him through His Word. He called for me to "Arise and eat - for the journey is too great for you."  I was surrounded by fear everywhere I turned (news, social media, conversations) and I felt it closing in on me. I started to realize what I was feeding myself was not of the Lord and I needed to step away and stay close to God's Word.

After what is shown in the Scripture passage above, it then explains how Elijah goes on a long journey to Mount Horeb (also Mount Sinai .... where Moses received the 10 Commandments...). I found that intriguing. As you read on, you would see that is the famous passage where Elijah was in the cleft of the rock and the Lord asked Elijah why he was there. Elijah begins the complaining - the same thing I found myself doing with all of this mess of COVID. Then, the Lord told Elijah to go out and stand on the MOUNT before the Lord. The Lord allowed Elijah to realize He would not speak to him through loudness such as a strong wind, an earthquake, or fire. He would speak to Elijah through His still, small voice. The Lord told Elijah he needed to get back to work for there were still great things he must do for the Lord. 

The Lord showed me the same this summer. I would not find Him in the chaos around me. I would only find Him when I stopped the complaining, turned and came before Him, and allowed the still, small voice of His Word to feed me. In staying close to God's Word, I began to take note of different passages of Scripture He was showing me. Some were passages He had shown me before, but I now saw in a different light. Others were new revelations of His truths and I clung to them. I voraciously ate from the Bread of Life and deeply drank from the Living Water all summer. He alone restored my soul and strengthened/deepened my trust in Him. He was providing the nourishment I needed for the school-year-journey ahead. 

Those Scriptures the Lord showed me this summer I then made into picture verse cards. The Lord showed me I needed to surround my students and me with His TRUTH. I taped the verse cards on the walls all around my classroom (and in my home!) so I would still receive spiritual nourishment in the uncertainty of each day with every look around my classroom...and so would my students.  I knew the beginning of school was going to be like no other and I am fully seeing that now. Those verses and quotes have been continually feeding me - and my students - as we walk each day in this new journey. 

I cannot do it without the Lord. His Word provides me the strength I need to do what He has called me to do. He taught me so much this summer and I, in turn, am choosing to teach others. He has shown me there are still great things I must do for the Lord. The circumstances may seem out of control, but He is always in control.

I am so thankful to be back to work. God has already done great things in the four "unprecedented" weeks we have been back at school  - and I praise Him for what He will do as we continue to walk this journey ahead. 

If you are feeling as I was, I encourage you to do as the Lord showed me - be filled with the Bread of Life and drink deeply from the Living Water. It is the only way to be fed for the journey ahead.

Seeing 2020 Through the Stitches

Little did I realize what the Lord would help me see this year of 2020 through my stitches. 

First, let me explain a little bit about the "stitches" in cross-stitch and my love of it. I, personally, have been cross-stitching since before the age of ten. The cross-stitch I do is called counted cross-stitch. It means I have to count squares and find my center before I can figure out where to start. It means that each color has a different symbol and I have to make sure I count them correctly as I move forward in the pattern. These patterns are not like "paint-by-number" where the pattern is imprinted on the fabric. I have done many over the years and learned by my MANY mistakes on how to get better. It is something I truly love to do.

Every January I teach cross-stitching to my students in relation to our Colonial study in History. It is a great project that teaches many things for the children. One thing I always teach them as I begin it is that cross-stitching is like our lives. The Lord knows the finished product of who/what we will be and He fills in the stitches in His time. The back may look messy but the front always shows the true picture. Their project involves the fabric with a simple picture drawn on it and they learn the basics of the stitching.

I have still done some cross-stitching through the years, but life stepped in and helped me see that right then I did not have hours to sit and stitch. Cross-stitching had to be put aside to raise babies and juggle life. So when I started up cross-stitching again in 2011 I was pretty excited. However, life continued to roll forward and my time of stitching was hit and miss.

It was during January of this year, and the timing of when I teach my students how to do it, that I had an urge to break out mine again! And by break out again - I am meaning - break out what I had started in 2011 because, well.... I have been working on this SAME cross-stitch since June 2011. Little did I realize then that I would not be finished with this specific pattern by now. I did not truly understand what I was getting into when I began the thing. Since I have cross-stitched for so long I figured this was the same as always...

...BUT, this cross-stitch pattern was one like I have never tackled before, and I thought I had tackled some challenging ones! As soon as I began it I knew that this one would be different. Below is a picture of what it was as I began it in 2011. I did not get as far as one might think - especially compared to how I used to roll them out! 

You may be "oohing and aaahing" at the bright colors, but let me help you understand something. Those reds and oranges? They are several different hues of the same color that are so closely matched that one would struggle to see the difference in color if it wasn't for some bright light.

Next up, the pattern itself. This pattern is 12 pages long. When I printed out this pattern in 2011 I was a bit shell-shocked and had to figure out where to begin. I also had to get material that had holes more closely knit together to allow me to have a finished product that would not cover my entire wall. 

As I began, I found my center. I counted up and across and then I began the stitching. But I soon realized this was harder than anything I have ever done before.

I would get lost in the pattern.

I would struggle with how many times I had to change the colored thread.

I would see an area that only needed one stitch of a certain color as a PAIN to deal with and annoying at times.

I also struggled with the backside of it. I have always tried to be a neat stitcher. I have always tried to make the back look as "orderly" as possible. This is what this backing looks like:

I affectionately call that a "hot mess." I have to change the thread so often that the back looks more like a shag rug than a neat-rowed and orderly work of backside art.

There is so much changing of thread. There are so many parts of the pattern that requires me to really pay attention.

I could look at the pattern in small areas such as this:

This view of the pattern is actually more of a "happy place" in my pattern for me. Do you notice a lot of the symbols are the same in an area and that means I can carry on with the same color for a long time? This is kind of how my patterns in the past have been and I loved the control. I loved the feeling of having everything neat and tidy.

But look at this pictured part of the pattern. 

I realize it is not a closeup, but it is the same view of above, but a larger portion of the pattern showing. Trust me, even if you cannot see it all, there are A LOT of symbols in that section. This is where "hot mess" comes into play. This is where the symbols are all over the place and you must stay close to the pattern and pay close attention to the detail or you will make a lot of mistakes in the picture being created. 

Notice what happened to me in the following picture.... I was off by ONE stitch and had to take out most of that color I had been working on. That area was one of the easiest on which to pay attention to the pattern! I had gotten a little too comfortable in the pattern and it had to be corrected...and it was not fun to pull out all of those stitches and do it again. 

But I did it.

Since I have spent a lot more time on this cross-stitch this year, I began viewing the uniqueness of this pattern differently and more positively.

I always knew from the start this pattern would be a challenge. The way the finished picture was shown when I ordered it in 2011 just took my breath away because it was so vibrant and full of life. 

I am learning that if I take it a stitch at a time, I will begin to view the pattern coming alive before me instead of getting frustrated at what I cannot get done quickly.

I have learned since 2011 that I require reading glasses to help me see the stitches better than when I began.... and have even had to increase my strength to a higher level this year! 

I still have to use a lot of light to help me see the pattern and material/thread better. I also have to focus more on what the pattern is telling me to do and not rush. When I rush through, I make more mistakes.

I have had to realize that my mistakes can be seen positively as a way to rework something that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. Sometimes the removing of the thread allows me to view that area of the pattern with more care. (This can even apply when your cat decides to chew the thread just made up for ONE stitch and then swallows the needle attached to it.....and has to have emergency surgery.)

I am seeing more and more that as my hands hold the fabric and maneuver the needle I am creating something that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle.

I have also begun seeing that the constant changing of colors is actually a positive thing. Even though it can be frustrating at times, when I see it through the "one stitch at a time" approach, as mentioned above, I am able to enjoy where I am for that stitch and then see how the other stitches come along soon to create the whole area of beauty. The different hues really do add more depth and richness to the completed work.

Can you see the hues and different shades in the following pictures?

 

Now, you may be thinking - "Thanks, Kellie - great job explaining how you cross-stitch, but how is this seeing 2020? How is this pertinent to someone who really does not care about cross-stitch?"

Well, please stay with me. I pray from point forward in my writing that the Lord will use this to see how all of this compares to 2020.

This next picture is a close-up of the previous backside picture from above. This picture seems to capture 2020 for me - a chaotic "hot mess" with no organization or neatness. This year has been hard for everyone. I have personally felt that the backside of my cross-stitch has become reality and my true picture is no more. What has always been normal will never be normal again. I do not think it an accident that I decided THIS year to start diving more into this specific cross-stitch again. 

Here is how the Lord has been helping me see 2020 through the stitches. 

I do not think anyone ever thought 2020 would THIS kind of a challenge. The way I finished 2019, I was looking forward to new beginnings and thinking of all the Lord would show me through the year. If you have read my blog long enough you saw that I wrote a blog about "shedding old wool" at the end of 2019. At the time, I thought I had shed plenty, but it seems this year has revealed I had a lot more to shed.....well, more like, rip out! (If you want to read or reread that post, it is here.) I am all for a challenge and learning new things like this cross-stitch pattern above, but, wow.... this year takes that to a whole new level. I can honestly say I have never experienced a year like this!

As all of this craziness began, I understood more deeply I would have to find my CENTER in Christ and COUNT on Him in ways I never thought before.

I have had to see that there is beauty in the "backside" of 2020. When I felt I lost control, nothing was neat and tidy anymore, and everything was chaos is when the Lord took my hand and began to teach me more and more that He brings "beauty out of ashes, the oil of joy for mourning." (Isaiah 61)

I have had to begin viewing the uniqueness of this year differently and more positively. I have had to have "stronger reading glasses" as I search the Scriptures to find out how to navigate through the 2020 pattern. Believe me - it still stinks in a lot of ways and it does not always mean I am enjoying what has been happening, but I am learning to view it with more detailed vision - through the eyes of the Creator - and see each stitch as another beautiful filling in of the LIFE the Lord has planned for me.

I am learning to take life one-STEP-at-a-time in the way I have to take each-stitch-at-a-time in my cross-stitch. I am trying to literally walk each moment with the Lord showing me what I need for that specific moment. I do not want to get so caught up in "knots" of worry, getting frustrated, or complaining by trying to get through a hard part of life more quickly. That never ends well and wastes valuable time of moving forward.

I have been using even more LIGHT from Scripture to help me understand the pattern the Lord has planned for my life. His Word guides best and I have been clinging to that with all I have in me. I also have to focus more on what God's Word is showing me so that I make more careful moves in my pattern of life.

I have had to realize that my mistakes are ways to rework things in me that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. The Lord has had to remove some of the incorrect "thread" I have been sewing in the fabric that has not followed the pattern He has for me: the worry, complaining spirit, and unneeded anger. This has allowed me to view those emotions more carefully through Scripture in these strange times of our "2020 pattern". 

I am seeing more and more that my Heavenly Father holds the fabric of my life and maneuvers the needle ever so carefully to create something in me that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle. Just as I have to be careful to not leave the needle lying around for a cat to swallow, I have to take my steps confidently while using the common sense I have learned over time to keep me (or others) spiritually, mentally, and emotionally safe. And I have to remember, that just like my cross-stitch does not get done without me there holding it and working the needle, so is my Heavenly Father doing the same in the pattern of my life. He never lets me go but carefully weaves the moments and times of my life to create more of Him and less of me. 

I have had to learn that the constant change experienced in 2020 is actually a positive thing and does not have to be a "pain". There have been things I have had to learn in the changes that created different hues in my life that added more depth and richness to who I am in Christ. Even though it can still be frustrating at times, I have to remind myself to see it through the "one step at a time" approach, as mentioned above. Then, I am able to enjoy where I am for that step and then see how the Lord guides me into new steps that will reveal a new beauty from the Lord in my life.

I could have given up on this cross-stitch pattern a long time ago - and believe me, there were times! I could have decided it was just too difficult and would require too much of me to keep going. But I have learned that the struggle in all of this is what will make this beautiful piece so much more meaningful and majestic.

I could have given up on 2020....there have been and may still be times I want to do so.  But 2020 has taught me more about staying close to the pattern of God's Word, struggling and growing to become more rich in the Lord, and being confident that He is holding the needle, thread, and fabric of my life. 

As you see the picture below, it is of the "latest" in my cross-stitching. There are still a lot of blank spaces and I have a long way to go before I am finished, but it just reminds me constantly that the Lord is not finished with me - or any of you - yet. He's growing and changing us one stitch at a time.

Psalm 37:23-24 (CSB)

A person’s steps are established by the Lord,

and he takes pleasure in his way.

Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,

because the Lord supports him with his hand.

The Quarantine Crush

....no, I am not talking about a new game app that everyone is playing....

I have kind of been feeling "crushed" in this quarantine as of late. In talking to friends/family or seeing so many responses of people through social media, I know I am not the only one feeling this way. 

As I have prayed over how I have felt, and searched the Scriptures during my moments of feeling crushed, the Lord has reminded me of some truths that I would now like to share with you all. 

The Lord actually showed me this truth using grapes!

In John 15 you will find the familiar passage of Jesus speaking of Himself as the True Vine. He used that word-picture because so many people in that day would understand the work that is put into growing grapes and in their harvesting. As the Lord began to help me uncover my spirit of feeling crushed, He revealed to me some applications from that passage:

The end result of every usable grape is to be crushed - whether by eating them or using the liquid for drink. (Ever thought about that!?)

As grapes are attached to the vine, they are fed through the roots from the nutrients in the soil. These nutrients travel up the vine and into the fruit where, over time, the fruit ripens and is ready to be harvested. This growing process is not overnight. What does happen, though, is that the growing process allows them to become more sweet and ready to be picked.

Once the harvested grape has been crushed, one taste can quickly tell whether the grape was on the vine long enough to obtain the sweetness that is desired. 

Sometimes when grapes are crushed, a bitter or sour flavor explodes. This causes regret that the grape was ever eaten or used as drink as it obviously was not ready! 

But if the grape has been attached to the vine long enough, and true maturing has happened, there is a sweetness that bursts forth as the crushing occurs.

Believe me, I know we are all human and are going to have "moments" and feelings when "crushing" occur, but the Lord has taken these thoughts and opened my heart and mind to understand which grape I need to be like when crushed!

I could be like the unripe grape - not attached to the True Vine (Jesus) and become hardened and bitter because I am not getting the correct spiritual nutrients from His Word. When something or someone "crushed" me, such as how I am feeling in this quarantine, what can explode out of me is worry, unthankfulness, anxiousness, bitter words, harshness, pride, anger, self-pity, and, well - anything of a negative nature!

But if I am attached to the True Vine and taking in His spiritual nutrients from the soil of His Word, then when I am "crushed" I will burst forth with the sweetness of the Spirit inside. I will reveal the love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control that is so needed every day - but especially when we are "crushed."

I don't know about you, but the Lord has made me realize how much I want to be the grape that explodes with the beautiful "flavor" of the Spirit. The ONLY way we will be able to do that is to stay close to the Vine.

John 15:4-5

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Quarantine - Feelings In This New Normal

I decided to document some things I have been feeling as we have walked through this "new normal" of our quarantine because of the COVID-19. It happened so quickly that I have found myself almost going through stages of not really knowing WHAT I was feeling. I think it is important that we document what is happening in our lives to have a record of how things are right now - right down to our emotions.

As I have previously stated in posts, I am an introvert so being quarantined is not a bad idea in my mind and heart. I can be fine just hanging out at home. What I did not realize was how I would feel when we are being told you have to really STAY HOME. I kind of feel like this calf in the picture below: "HEY....what's happening outside of my pen?"

Some of the "new normal" in my life right now is not very different from regular normal.

I am still reading God's Word daily.

I am still doing laundry and dishes. 

I am still trying to keep my house clean.

I am still enjoying my reading of books and other leisure activities.

I am still trying to exercise in some way daily.

I am still teaching.

What I did not expect out of this "new normal" in my life right now is:

I feel distracted when trying to focus on the Lord and His Truths.....which has made me feel very frustrated!

I feel so emotional over not seeing my students.

I feel we have lost a lot of closure for the school year.

I feel grief over memories lost.

I feel anxious over the unknowns.

I feel anger - and a lot of times I am not sure why!

I feel unsettled in my spirit because nothing is as it was just two weeks ago and we do not know how long this will last.

I feel overwhelmed with all I hear in the news and what people post on social media (including anger and conspiracy theories...).

However, feelings are just that - FEELINGS.

We cannot trust them.

Feelings will lead you astray faster than a wayward sheep.

That is why the word HOPE has continued to resonate with me every new day in this quarantine. I am so grateful the Lord gave me that word for my 2020 year. 

I may have all of those feelings I listed, but, more importantly, I have HOPE in the One Who is control of it all. That is why I can rest in Him - and not in these circumstances.

I have been clinging to different parts of Scripture - in particular, Psalm 16 and Psalm 33.

Psalm 16:5-8 has been a passage I have read often these last few days:

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. 

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

The verse the Lord gave me to reflect upon in 2020 for the word HOPE is Psalm 33:22:

"Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

Steadfast = Faithful

Because the Lord is our HOPE, He is faithful to be with us through all of this uncertainty. He is faithful to take care of us during this time that has become so strange to us.

But it was never strange to the Lord.

He knew all along what this world needed at this time for 2020.

HE. KNEW. 

So while we are wrestling with a lot of feelings that are happening in our lives right now, cling to the fact that HOPE is here and now - and it is through Jesus Christ.

As I thought on this post, I just love how the Lord pointed me to this last portion of Scripture I am sharing . I am thankful for His loving direction - even when it seems dark and full of uncertainties. Trust His Word - NOT your feelings.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Be Still With Social Distancing

 With our news being filled with COVID-19 and learning precautionary steps we are to now take to help with the spread of this new virus, social distancing has stood out to me. These birds look like what I felt when I first heard it - the one on the right is me. HUH? You want me to distance myself from others?

Some people may see social distancing as a rewarding experience as they are introverted and love time to themselves. 

Others may feel as if they are now on a deserted bridge with bareness all around them and emptiness invades their souls.

Instead of seeing social distancing as something to endure, why not view it from the standpoint that we have the chance to BE STILL.

Our culture is so fast-paced today. I feel it daily and I am not involved in all of the things I see on social media sights. People are ALWAYS on the go.

I know we have had times in the winter of snow/ice here in the south that stops us from a lot of normal activity, but even then we are able to get together with neighbors/friends and play in the snow or just be together. 

This social distancing is a new thing for our ears to hear. At the sound of it, many have had anxiety rise up in them because of the unknown.  While we are still able to get out and about, we have to think differently about coming in contact with people right now. 

And all of this has happened fast.

Being an introvert, I have welcomed this newly expected slower pace. I have been excited to not have to go anywhere in a hurry and take time to be slower.  

I can understand there are those who are not feeling the same.

As I have sat and reflected on it all, I was struck by this thought:

I never have to worry about being "socially distant" from the Lord. He is always near me. 

I may choose in my busyness or distractions of life to find myself distant from Him, but He will never leave my side and always desires close contact with me.

This social distancing from other people will give me the opportunity to spend a closer time with the Lord. It will give me those moments for which I have been yearning in all my busyness. I am comforted by the fact that He is as close as ever and I can actually become stronger by being in His presence than by distancing myself from Him.

This year, the Lord gave me the word "Hope" as my word for the year. I was not sure where that came from exactly, as I had other words that I kept pondering. However, in recent weeks, the Lord has already shown me that this was the word I needed. 

Because of what the Lord showed me for this year, I have on my mantle, and sing often in my head, the song "In Christ Alone." Here are the words for the first stanza and I think it is so fitting for where we are right now in our world. 

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

See this social distancing as a reminder that our Lord is ever near. We are the ones who distance ourselves from HIM. Choose this time to get back into closer contact with the One in which our HOPE is found. Just BE STILL with social distancing.