We have noticed a bump on our cat Ashes' back now for about two months. The bump has gotten bigger. I took her in today. I have put it off for a couple of weeks because I kept hoping it would go away. I kept hoping I could just "ignore" it.
Not so...
She has cancer.
As soon as the doctor said it, what I feared the most for her, I cried.
I had a feeling that was what it was.
It didn't help when I actually heard the word.
My heart is breaking at this point. She has been with us since we had been married a year so she is one of our "children." She is the sweetest cat I have ever known. I don't think I've ever really seen her get mad. She loves unconditionally and always wants to be near me. After the kids go to bed is usually when she follows me around. When I tell her I'm ready to go to bed, she jumps off the couch, where normally she has already been sleeping in my lap, and joins me on the bed. She sleeps right beside me for most of the night. In the morning when she realizes I am about to wake up she scoots in tighter.
The doctor wants to do surgery ASAP. We can't afford it... bottom line. Steve also doesn't see the need in spending so much money on a cat. There is also the factor that the kind of cancer she has will come back.
Now, I realize she is just a cat. She is not one of our human children, but that does not mean it doesn't hurt. I know I haven't shed the last tear for her but I am going to love her for as long as the Lord allows her to be "normal" and not in pain. She hasn't acted any differently... just has the bump growing. I guess we'll watch for any sign of change in her and make the decision then.
The dreaded decision.
Another blog I have recently started reading had a post today from the old hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" and it was what I read right when I got back home from the vet. It helped me to see that, even though I love my cat dearly and will miss her, I need to turn my eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, by the light of His glory and grace. It helped me to put in perspective that Ashes IS a cat. She is not a human family member who has just gotten this devastating blow.... I just need to keep it all "real."
My heart still hurts, though.
7 comments:
Sorry about Ashes. When they found Stevie's cancer, it was after I found what I thought was a "pimple". Well we were surprised how large of an area needed to be opended to allow them to get it all out. I can't imagine if it was large like you are describing. :-(
Kellie,
Our capacity to love is of God. We love His creation, including cats. When we lost dear old Woof, we all cried. In the meantime, my kids learned to nurture, learned to be responsible, and in the end, learned about death. It is all holy.
I know you know this, but just wanted to remind you!
Kellie,
I am very sad to hear this about your cat. We have two that Heather and I have had since before we were married, and can not tell you how I will feel when they are gone. It saddens me to even think about it. Yes they are just pets to some, but to loving pet owners they are our friends who love us without anything in return. I will keep you in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry to hear about your kittie. Our oldest, Leo, is 17 and every day I look at him and know his day is near. He just looks.....old. Really old. He has lived a GREAT, long life, but the thought of not having him around, just breaks my heart. He's been such a big part of our life.
Kellie, I'm so sorry about your kitty, such a sad situation. I know that animals truly become a part of your family. ((( Big Hugs ))) Amy
Oh sweetie, keeping it "real" doesn't lessen the pain. Don't be ashamed of your feelings! And God will help you sort through this trial! ...a trial that will be very real to you and your family. Ashes may be just a cat, but he is obviously a "loved one" nonetheless! Being the one that wrote the post you referred to, I hope it did help you yesterday. It has enabled me to keep things in perspective in our recent trials! I had to be reminded, amidst my emotions, to give it all to Him, keep my eyes focused upward, and He would take care of it! But we were also given the ability to love, by our Heavenly Father, and at times, that love is accompanied my pain, and tears! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Take Care! Hugs, Rhonda :)
I am very sorry to hear about Kitty- I just went through the same thing, except I ignored it way too long, hoping that it will would just go away... and it got worse.
My husband had to take her to the doctor for me for the last time.
God gives us the sweet little animals to befriend us for a while- and to love-but then there time is over. Its important to remember what a good life kitty has had with you!
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