07/29/10

Forgive me... the trip pictures will continue soon. I have had issues with my photo editing software and finally have it solved, but that means I do not have some pics ready!

Eighteen years ago today my sweet Steve proposed to me on my Mom and Dad's back deck. I am so thankful for that day and so thankful for him. Just had to share that today. :)

I have been mulling over this post for a while. I felt today was the time to do it.

This summer has helped me see my children in a new light. Since they are now 10 I am finding that the way we handled situations when they were little have to be handled differently... and differently for each child. It has been fascinating watching them go into their separate personalities more.
Wesley and Mikayla are both getting to the age where they want their voice to be heard. While Steve and I will not tolerate disrespect we also want to HEAR them.

When they were little it was easy to tell them not to do something or TO do something with no questions asked. This summer I am having more talks about attitude and why something must be done or not done than I ever have thus far. I know it is just the beginning as those teen years are fast approaching.

I am learning that the statement "Rules without relationship breed rebellion" is so true. If I only expect things from my children without the relationship backing it, or listening to what their view of it may be, I am going to breed rebellion in their hearts. I could already see some of that in Wesley as he is quiet with his attitude more than Mikayla. I could see his turn into quiet rebellion that could one day explode.

I have had to learn to go to them, tell them that I know they are angry or upset about something and have them TALK to me. I may not always like what I hear, but I must get them TALKING to me. Once I can get them talking, then I help them see what God's Word would say about a matter. I have also learned that my original view of something may have not been correct and see THEIR side would be better.

If all I do is preach to my children and bash them over the head with a Bible, it isn't going to work. There has to be the love and concern coming from me... and the understanding that I am hearing them without them feeling like they are condemned before they begin talking. Isn't that what God does for us? When we go to Him when we are hurt or angry He doesn't automatically come down, silence us, and tell us we just need to get over something.... He listens, He cares, and loves us through those hard times. I must show that same example to Wesley and Mikayla so that they can lean on their Heavenly Father with their trials in life as they mature and grow.

I am learning to laugh with them over things that I used to be more stern.

I am learning to give grace and mercy when I hear what they say to me.

I have learned to be honest with them and let them know I have felt the same things and not make it sound like I have "arrived" just because I am an adult.

I have held them as they cried over things I know are small to an adult, but big to a child.

I keep thinking of Proverbs 22:6 -

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I seem to remember only being taught that if you train your child up knowing the Lord, He will come back to it even if he/she has gone astray.

In the past year I have learned that, while that is true, it is not the whole reasoning of that verse. I am to see my children as individuals the way God made them. They are not always going to like or do things the way I do them and it is my responsibility to train them according to how GOD made them and what HE wants for their lives. I can't have control over them in the fact that I dictate how they are to be in every area of their lives. In teaching modesty, self-control, humility, love, and respect I am also to allow them the freedom to become who they are to be in Christ.

For instance:
Mikayla is much more of a girly-girl than I ever was... or am today.

She paints her nails all different colors... sometimes polka dots, sometimes stripes, sometimes every other finger or toe.

She wears perfume at age 10!

She likes "blingy" clothes and purses.

She wears SUNGLASSES all of the time. lol

That is just how the Lord made her. I should not expect her to act just like me because I don't think like she does. What I am expected by the Lord to do is to take that girly-girl and teach her those valuable principles so that she can shine in the role God has planned for her.

In saying all of what I have said in this post... parenting is harder now than it ever was when they were first born. While then I was physically exhausted because they were going in so many directions, now I am mentally and emotionally tired. It shows I must depend even more on the Lord to guide my words and actions so that I can be the mother I should be in training Wesley and Mikayla for Him.

In sitting down and listening I may just be surprised at what the Lord teaches ME through them.