11/08/11

 

I have been chewing on something during my walk today.

As much as I "chew" I really should have been a cow.  They chew their cud, swallow it, and bring it back up again to chew further.

I would be one of those types of thinkers.  Sometimes that is a good thing... but most of the time I find it is not.

So, what have I been chewing on today?

That ugly word of "perfection."

I am finding that is an ugly word because I still have battles with thinking I should be just that.

If something negative happens, I think it is due to lack of perfection.

Satan enjoys that little word so that he can use it against me.  Unfortunately, sometimes I let my armor down and he gets a full blow.

Today during Bible time  I was teaching my children about Joseph.  I read this verse of the response of Joseph's father, Israel (Jacob) to his sons that said they had to take his youngest son Benjamin with them the next time they went to Egypt. (Those students of mine have no idea how many times the lesson I am teaching them becomes a lesson for ME.)

Genesis 42:38

And he said, My son shall not go down with you; for his brother is dead, and he is left alone: if mischief befall him by the way in the which ye go, then shall ye bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.

You may be thinking.... What in the world in that verse has caused her to "chew" so much?

It is this:  Jacob wasn't perfect.  He was just like us.

He worried.

He didn't trust God to take care of his son.

I think sometimes in a warped way (that is just the only way I know how to put it), we look at Biblical characters and put them on this pedestal of perfection.  I know that many of them made wrong choices, but we sometimes still see that because they are in the Bible they had it all together when it came to trusting God.  In other words... they were more "perfect" than we are.

Here is a fresh insight for me, though. 

This is a father feeling things we feel.  He didn't immediately wax philosophical.  He showed he was human and he was having a hard time letting go of his son.  

I think sometimes in my world of perfection, I feel that I am to always say the right thing, do the right thing and be the right thing for everybody.  If I am not, then I have failed as a person.  

It is almost like there is a "perfection tally system" for each day and I need to make more on that side than on the side of "not-so-perfect."  I can have a day of all good things, but if one negative thing happens, and I think I have failed in some way, that is all I can dwell on.  I am missing the 99% of my day that went well.  I am missing out on blessings from the Lord that are right before me. 

It is a pit and I know it.

It is where Satan wants to keep me.  He wants to keep me thinking I should be perfect so that in that cycle I become nothing for anyone.  I am finding that this is one of my biggest personal/spiritual battles... which goes along with the post I did here.

Am I the only one out there that feels this way? 

Probably not, but some days I feel like I am alone in this battle. 

I am thankful that God is Who keeps me and will help me out of this pit.  I know it takes time and a lot of searching the Scripture, not searching my own head.  That only gets me dizzy.

This verse came to my mind when thinking about this pit of perfection side of my personality. 

Psalm 40:1, 2

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

I need to get my hands raised and ready for the Lord to pull me up.  Anyone else need to come with me?