Watching your children grow is like watching them as the life stages of a butterfly.
In the early years they were the egg, then they turned into larva that began to eat more than they used to... and grow out of all of their clothes faster than you can get them in new ones! Caterpillars have been a comfortable place to be because we knew what to expect. Feed them, clothe them, help them along and we are good to go.
That pupa stage is just a bit different.
OK, A LOT different.
They are in a stage that can seem so quiet, so strange, yet so transforming.
Inside the pupa a butterfly is being transformed. If you have ever watched one, they wiggle a lot at first when they are just beginning the pupa stage. They are shedding their final layer of skin to produce the chrysalis. Once they are in the chrysalis, the transformation is miraculous, but you cannot really see it because of it being "covered." After the time appointed for the butterfly to reach adulthood, the butterfly struggles as it gets out of the chrysalis. This struggling is good because it produces strong wings and body for the butterfly to take flight.
Right now, our two butterflies are covered by a chrysalis of new feelings, emotions, expectations and responsibilities. We can't always see on the inside what is happening because so many things cover what we can actually see. Sometimes we sit back and feel we are watching something happen before our eyes and we don't know what to do to change it or help it. They are doing some struggling right now finding their place in the world while still safely in their chrysalis of home.
When our butterflies are ready they will come out of that chrysalis, pump their wings and fly. They will be strong because of the struggles they have faced. If we were to "cut open" the chrysalis to make it easier for them, we are actually damaging them from a stronger life. When we struggle we learn; we become strong.
I have been learning that even though I sometimes do not know what to say, or know how to make something better, God is using this "pupa" stage of their life to change them into something amazing. They are going to be totally different in many ways because God is allowing things in their lives to make them who He wants them to be.
It is hard to watch your child go through hard things. It is hard when you know things can be better but they have to learn in their own way just like you did. You know how you were transformed by God to be who you are, but when you are talking about your own child.... well, that is different, huh? You don't want them to experience the pains, disappointments, etc. that you faced.
Making things easier isn't the answer.
It is our job as parents to be there to hold them up -- to be that limb holding the chrysalis. After the struggles and hardships to get out of the chrysalis, they know we are still there. On that day we get to stand back and say, "Pump those wings, you are ready to fly!"
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