Seeing 2020 Through the Stitches

Little did I realize what the Lord would help me see this year of 2020 through my stitches. 

First, let me explain a little bit about the "stitches" in cross-stitch and my love of it. I, personally, have been cross-stitching since before the age of ten. The cross-stitch I do is called counted cross-stitch. It means I have to count squares and find my center before I can figure out where to start. It means that each color has a different symbol and I have to make sure I count them correctly as I move forward in the pattern. These patterns are not like "paint-by-number" where the pattern is imprinted on the fabric. I have done many over the years and learned by my MANY mistakes on how to get better. It is something I truly love to do.

Every January I teach cross-stitching to my students in relation to our Colonial study in History. It is a great project that teaches many things for the children. One thing I always teach them as I begin it is that cross-stitching is like our lives. The Lord knows the finished product of who/what we will be and He fills in the stitches in His time. The back may look messy but the front always shows the true picture. Their project involves the fabric with a simple picture drawn on it and they learn the basics of the stitching.

I have still done some cross-stitching through the years, but life stepped in and helped me see that right then I did not have hours to sit and stitch. Cross-stitching had to be put aside to raise babies and juggle life. So when I started up cross-stitching again in 2011 I was pretty excited. However, life continued to roll forward and my time of stitching was hit and miss.

It was during January of this year, and the timing of when I teach my students how to do it, that I had an urge to break out mine again! And by break out again - I am meaning - break out what I had started in 2011 because, well.... I have been working on this SAME cross-stitch since June 2011. Little did I realize then that I would not be finished with this specific pattern by now. I did not truly understand what I was getting into when I began the thing. Since I have cross-stitched for so long I figured this was the same as always...

...BUT, this cross-stitch pattern was one like I have never tackled before, and I thought I had tackled some challenging ones! As soon as I began it I knew that this one would be different. Below is a picture of what it was as I began it in 2011. I did not get as far as one might think - especially compared to how I used to roll them out! 

You may be "oohing and aaahing" at the bright colors, but let me help you understand something. Those reds and oranges? They are several different hues of the same color that are so closely matched that one would struggle to see the difference in color if it wasn't for some bright light.

Next up, the pattern itself. This pattern is 12 pages long. When I printed out this pattern in 2011 I was a bit shell-shocked and had to figure out where to begin. I also had to get material that had holes more closely knit together to allow me to have a finished product that would not cover my entire wall. 

As I began, I found my center. I counted up and across and then I began the stitching. But I soon realized this was harder than anything I have ever done before.

I would get lost in the pattern.

I would struggle with how many times I had to change the colored thread.

I would see an area that only needed one stitch of a certain color as a PAIN to deal with and annoying at times.

I also struggled with the backside of it. I have always tried to be a neat stitcher. I have always tried to make the back look as "orderly" as possible. This is what this backing looks like:

I affectionately call that a "hot mess." I have to change the thread so often that the back looks more like a shag rug than a neat-rowed and orderly work of backside art.

There is so much changing of thread. There are so many parts of the pattern that requires me to really pay attention.

I could look at the pattern in small areas such as this:

This view of the pattern is actually more of a "happy place" in my pattern for me. Do you notice a lot of the symbols are the same in an area and that means I can carry on with the same color for a long time? This is kind of how my patterns in the past have been and I loved the control. I loved the feeling of having everything neat and tidy.

But look at this pictured part of the pattern. 

I realize it is not a closeup, but it is the same view of above, but a larger portion of the pattern showing. Trust me, even if you cannot see it all, there are A LOT of symbols in that section. This is where "hot mess" comes into play. This is where the symbols are all over the place and you must stay close to the pattern and pay close attention to the detail or you will make a lot of mistakes in the picture being created. 

Notice what happened to me in the following picture.... I was off by ONE stitch and had to take out most of that color I had been working on. That area was one of the easiest on which to pay attention to the pattern! I had gotten a little too comfortable in the pattern and it had to be corrected...and it was not fun to pull out all of those stitches and do it again. 

But I did it.

Since I have spent a lot more time on this cross-stitch this year, I began viewing the uniqueness of this pattern differently and more positively.

I always knew from the start this pattern would be a challenge. The way the finished picture was shown when I ordered it in 2011 just took my breath away because it was so vibrant and full of life. 

I am learning that if I take it a stitch at a time, I will begin to view the pattern coming alive before me instead of getting frustrated at what I cannot get done quickly.

I have learned since 2011 that I require reading glasses to help me see the stitches better than when I began.... and have even had to increase my strength to a higher level this year! 

I still have to use a lot of light to help me see the pattern and material/thread better. I also have to focus more on what the pattern is telling me to do and not rush. When I rush through, I make more mistakes.

I have had to realize that my mistakes can be seen positively as a way to rework something that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. Sometimes the removing of the thread allows me to view that area of the pattern with more care. (This can even apply when your cat decides to chew the thread just made up for ONE stitch and then swallows the needle attached to it.....and has to have emergency surgery.)

I am seeing more and more that as my hands hold the fabric and maneuver the needle I am creating something that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle.

I have also begun seeing that the constant changing of colors is actually a positive thing. Even though it can be frustrating at times, when I see it through the "one stitch at a time" approach, as mentioned above, I am able to enjoy where I am for that stitch and then see how the other stitches come along soon to create the whole area of beauty. The different hues really do add more depth and richness to the completed work.

Can you see the hues and different shades in the following pictures?

 

Now, you may be thinking - "Thanks, Kellie - great job explaining how you cross-stitch, but how is this seeing 2020? How is this pertinent to someone who really does not care about cross-stitch?"

Well, please stay with me. I pray from point forward in my writing that the Lord will use this to see how all of this compares to 2020.

This next picture is a close-up of the previous backside picture from above. This picture seems to capture 2020 for me - a chaotic "hot mess" with no organization or neatness. This year has been hard for everyone. I have personally felt that the backside of my cross-stitch has become reality and my true picture is no more. What has always been normal will never be normal again. I do not think it an accident that I decided THIS year to start diving more into this specific cross-stitch again. 

Here is how the Lord has been helping me see 2020 through the stitches. 

I do not think anyone ever thought 2020 would THIS kind of a challenge. The way I finished 2019, I was looking forward to new beginnings and thinking of all the Lord would show me through the year. If you have read my blog long enough you saw that I wrote a blog about "shedding old wool" at the end of 2019. At the time, I thought I had shed plenty, but it seems this year has revealed I had a lot more to shed.....well, more like, rip out! (If you want to read or reread that post, it is here.) I am all for a challenge and learning new things like this cross-stitch pattern above, but, wow.... this year takes that to a whole new level. I can honestly say I have never experienced a year like this!

As all of this craziness began, I understood more deeply I would have to find my CENTER in Christ and COUNT on Him in ways I never thought before.

I have had to see that there is beauty in the "backside" of 2020. When I felt I lost control, nothing was neat and tidy anymore, and everything was chaos is when the Lord took my hand and began to teach me more and more that He brings "beauty out of ashes, the oil of joy for mourning." (Isaiah 61)

I have had to begin viewing the uniqueness of this year differently and more positively. I have had to have "stronger reading glasses" as I search the Scriptures to find out how to navigate through the 2020 pattern. Believe me - it still stinks in a lot of ways and it does not always mean I am enjoying what has been happening, but I am learning to view it with more detailed vision - through the eyes of the Creator - and see each stitch as another beautiful filling in of the LIFE the Lord has planned for me.

I am learning to take life one-STEP-at-a-time in the way I have to take each-stitch-at-a-time in my cross-stitch. I am trying to literally walk each moment with the Lord showing me what I need for that specific moment. I do not want to get so caught up in "knots" of worry, getting frustrated, or complaining by trying to get through a hard part of life more quickly. That never ends well and wastes valuable time of moving forward.

I have been using even more LIGHT from Scripture to help me understand the pattern the Lord has planned for my life. His Word guides best and I have been clinging to that with all I have in me. I also have to focus more on what God's Word is showing me so that I make more careful moves in my pattern of life.

I have had to realize that my mistakes are ways to rework things in me that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. The Lord has had to remove some of the incorrect "thread" I have been sewing in the fabric that has not followed the pattern He has for me: the worry, complaining spirit, and unneeded anger. This has allowed me to view those emotions more carefully through Scripture in these strange times of our "2020 pattern". 

I am seeing more and more that my Heavenly Father holds the fabric of my life and maneuvers the needle ever so carefully to create something in me that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle. Just as I have to be careful to not leave the needle lying around for a cat to swallow, I have to take my steps confidently while using the common sense I have learned over time to keep me (or others) spiritually, mentally, and emotionally safe. And I have to remember, that just like my cross-stitch does not get done without me there holding it and working the needle, so is my Heavenly Father doing the same in the pattern of my life. He never lets me go but carefully weaves the moments and times of my life to create more of Him and less of me. 

I have had to learn that the constant change experienced in 2020 is actually a positive thing and does not have to be a "pain". There have been things I have had to learn in the changes that created different hues in my life that added more depth and richness to who I am in Christ. Even though it can still be frustrating at times, I have to remind myself to see it through the "one step at a time" approach, as mentioned above. Then, I am able to enjoy where I am for that step and then see how the Lord guides me into new steps that will reveal a new beauty from the Lord in my life.

I could have given up on this cross-stitch pattern a long time ago - and believe me, there were times! I could have decided it was just too difficult and would require too much of me to keep going. But I have learned that the struggle in all of this is what will make this beautiful piece so much more meaningful and majestic.

I could have given up on 2020....there have been and may still be times I want to do so.  But 2020 has taught me more about staying close to the pattern of God's Word, struggling and growing to become more rich in the Lord, and being confident that He is holding the needle, thread, and fabric of my life. 

As you see the picture below, it is of the "latest" in my cross-stitching. There are still a lot of blank spaces and I have a long way to go before I am finished, but it just reminds me constantly that the Lord is not finished with me - or any of you - yet. He's growing and changing us one stitch at a time.

Psalm 37:23-24 (CSB)

A person’s steps are established by the Lord,

and he takes pleasure in his way.

Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,

because the Lord supports him with his hand.

The Quarantine Crush

....no, I am not talking about a new game app that everyone is playing....

I have kind of been feeling "crushed" in this quarantine as of late. In talking to friends/family or seeing so many responses of people through social media, I know I am not the only one feeling this way. 

As I have prayed over how I have felt, and searched the Scriptures during my moments of feeling crushed, the Lord has reminded me of some truths that I would now like to share with you all. 

The Lord actually showed me this truth using grapes!

In John 15 you will find the familiar passage of Jesus speaking of Himself as the True Vine. He used that word-picture because so many people in that day would understand the work that is put into growing grapes and in their harvesting. As the Lord began to help me uncover my spirit of feeling crushed, He revealed to me some applications from that passage:

The end result of every usable grape is to be crushed - whether by eating them or using the liquid for drink. (Ever thought about that!?)

As grapes are attached to the vine, they are fed through the roots from the nutrients in the soil. These nutrients travel up the vine and into the fruit where, over time, the fruit ripens and is ready to be harvested. This growing process is not overnight. What does happen, though, is that the growing process allows them to become more sweet and ready to be picked.

Once the harvested grape has been crushed, one taste can quickly tell whether the grape was on the vine long enough to obtain the sweetness that is desired. 

Sometimes when grapes are crushed, a bitter or sour flavor explodes. This causes regret that the grape was ever eaten or used as drink as it obviously was not ready! 

But if the grape has been attached to the vine long enough, and true maturing has happened, there is a sweetness that bursts forth as the crushing occurs.

Believe me, I know we are all human and are going to have "moments" and feelings when "crushing" occur, but the Lord has taken these thoughts and opened my heart and mind to understand which grape I need to be like when crushed!

I could be like the unripe grape - not attached to the True Vine (Jesus) and become hardened and bitter because I am not getting the correct spiritual nutrients from His Word. When something or someone "crushed" me, such as how I am feeling in this quarantine, what can explode out of me is worry, unthankfulness, anxiousness, bitter words, harshness, pride, anger, self-pity, and, well - anything of a negative nature!

But if I am attached to the True Vine and taking in His spiritual nutrients from the soil of His Word, then when I am "crushed" I will burst forth with the sweetness of the Spirit inside. I will reveal the love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control that is so needed every day - but especially when we are "crushed."

I don't know about you, but the Lord has made me realize how much I want to be the grape that explodes with the beautiful "flavor" of the Spirit. The ONLY way we will be able to do that is to stay close to the Vine.

John 15:4-5

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Quarantine - Feelings In This New Normal

I decided to document some things I have been feeling as we have walked through this "new normal" of our quarantine because of the COVID-19. It happened so quickly that I have found myself almost going through stages of not really knowing WHAT I was feeling. I think it is important that we document what is happening in our lives to have a record of how things are right now - right down to our emotions.

As I have previously stated in posts, I am an introvert so being quarantined is not a bad idea in my mind and heart. I can be fine just hanging out at home. What I did not realize was how I would feel when we are being told you have to really STAY HOME. I kind of feel like this calf in the picture below: "HEY....what's happening outside of my pen?"

Some of the "new normal" in my life right now is not very different from regular normal.

I am still reading God's Word daily.

I am still doing laundry and dishes. 

I am still trying to keep my house clean.

I am still enjoying my reading of books and other leisure activities.

I am still trying to exercise in some way daily.

I am still teaching.

What I did not expect out of this "new normal" in my life right now is:

I feel distracted when trying to focus on the Lord and His Truths.....which has made me feel very frustrated!

I feel so emotional over not seeing my students.

I feel we have lost a lot of closure for the school year.

I feel grief over memories lost.

I feel anxious over the unknowns.

I feel anger - and a lot of times I am not sure why!

I feel unsettled in my spirit because nothing is as it was just two weeks ago and we do not know how long this will last.

I feel overwhelmed with all I hear in the news and what people post on social media (including anger and conspiracy theories...).

However, feelings are just that - FEELINGS.

We cannot trust them.

Feelings will lead you astray faster than a wayward sheep.

That is why the word HOPE has continued to resonate with me every new day in this quarantine. I am so grateful the Lord gave me that word for my 2020 year. 

I may have all of those feelings I listed, but, more importantly, I have HOPE in the One Who is control of it all. That is why I can rest in Him - and not in these circumstances.

I have been clinging to different parts of Scripture - in particular, Psalm 16 and Psalm 33.

Psalm 16:5-8 has been a passage I have read often these last few days:

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. 

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

The verse the Lord gave me to reflect upon in 2020 for the word HOPE is Psalm 33:22:

"Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

Steadfast = Faithful

Because the Lord is our HOPE, He is faithful to be with us through all of this uncertainty. He is faithful to take care of us during this time that has become so strange to us.

But it was never strange to the Lord.

He knew all along what this world needed at this time for 2020.

HE. KNEW. 

So while we are wrestling with a lot of feelings that are happening in our lives right now, cling to the fact that HOPE is here and now - and it is through Jesus Christ.

As I thought on this post, I just love how the Lord pointed me to this last portion of Scripture I am sharing . I am thankful for His loving direction - even when it seems dark and full of uncertainties. Trust His Word - NOT your feelings.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Be Still With Social Distancing

 With our news being filled with COVID-19 and learning precautionary steps we are to now take to help with the spread of this new virus, social distancing has stood out to me. These birds look like what I felt when I first heard it - the one on the right is me. HUH? You want me to distance myself from others?

Some people may see social distancing as a rewarding experience as they are introverted and love time to themselves. 

Others may feel as if they are now on a deserted bridge with bareness all around them and emptiness invades their souls.

Instead of seeing social distancing as something to endure, why not view it from the standpoint that we have the chance to BE STILL.

Our culture is so fast-paced today. I feel it daily and I am not involved in all of the things I see on social media sights. People are ALWAYS on the go.

I know we have had times in the winter of snow/ice here in the south that stops us from a lot of normal activity, but even then we are able to get together with neighbors/friends and play in the snow or just be together. 

This social distancing is a new thing for our ears to hear. At the sound of it, many have had anxiety rise up in them because of the unknown.  While we are still able to get out and about, we have to think differently about coming in contact with people right now. 

And all of this has happened fast.

Being an introvert, I have welcomed this newly expected slower pace. I have been excited to not have to go anywhere in a hurry and take time to be slower.  

I can understand there are those who are not feeling the same.

As I have sat and reflected on it all, I was struck by this thought:

I never have to worry about being "socially distant" from the Lord. He is always near me. 

I may choose in my busyness or distractions of life to find myself distant from Him, but He will never leave my side and always desires close contact with me.

This social distancing from other people will give me the opportunity to spend a closer time with the Lord. It will give me those moments for which I have been yearning in all my busyness. I am comforted by the fact that He is as close as ever and I can actually become stronger by being in His presence than by distancing myself from Him.

This year, the Lord gave me the word "Hope" as my word for the year. I was not sure where that came from exactly, as I had other words that I kept pondering. However, in recent weeks, the Lord has already shown me that this was the word I needed. 

Because of what the Lord showed me for this year, I have on my mantle, and sing often in my head, the song "In Christ Alone." Here are the words for the first stanza and I think it is so fitting for where we are right now in our world. 

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

See this social distancing as a reminder that our Lord is ever near. We are the ones who distance ourselves from HIM. Choose this time to get back into closer contact with the One in which our HOPE is found. Just BE STILL with social distancing.

Shedding the Old Wool

I took these photos on the same visit to the sheep farm as my previous post from September. What I learned from this sheep in particular was quite interesting and it is something on which I have thought upon ever since. 

This sheep had been sick. Normally, when a sheep becomes as sick as this one, it is put down because it that is actually easier on the sheep. This one was different - this was one that through the sickness was able to survive and came out strong. I learned that the medicine the sheep needed to live reacted similar to chemotherapy given to humans today. Over time, the old wool began to release and, in time, new wool would grow. What may look repulsive is actually something wonderful.  

The Lord began to show me that this bedraggled looking sheep was actually me and you. It is a beautiful picture of what the Lord does for us as He applies the medicine of His Word to our sin-sick bodies. Our old wool - sin nature - begins to fall away and a new covering - Jesus' righteousness - begins to grow.

A few weeks ago, my brother and I were discussing the ending of the year. He was stating that he was glad that 2019 was coming to a close - it had been a rough year for him due to unexpected health problems. I then began to reflect back on years prior that I had also been glad to see leave. They were ones of sadness or huge change that caused my heart to faint.

It was then that the Lord reminded me that those years were not bad in the way I was thinking. They were actually just the Lord allowing me to be the sheep pictured above. The hardships that may have come in particular years were just ways the Lord was giving me more of His medicine, His Word, to release the old sin-cursed wool I had been carrying around for so long. In His wisdom, the Lord used those years for me to become stronger in Him and not myself.

We soon will begin the year 2020 - and a common statement with "2020" is that "Hindsight is always 20/20." It is easy to see what the Lord has done when we look back upon it, but not always easy to see when you are in the middle of it. That is where trust comes into play.

As I reflect back on the last year, I can see more of the Lord's dosing of medication that continued to  release my old wool. That sin-cursed wool will never fully be released until we see Jesus face-to-face, but I am thankful for the lessening of its heaviness and the ease of the Lord's yoke. I am reminded of these verses in Matthew 11:29-30:

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

As more of my old wool was being shed, He continued to help me...

• realize I have need of nothing - He provides generously and in His time.
• know that He will always lead me to the green pastures and still waters for my refreshment.
• be thankful when He alone restores my soul.
• trust Him to lead me even when it is dark - He never leaves my side.
• learn to love His rod and staff as they comfort and correct.
• understand that He knows what is best for me and prepares what I need ahead of time to make me stronger in Him.
• rest in His care.
• joyfully accept that His goodness and mercy are with me even now in this earthly life.

As the year comes to a close and another one begins anew, I seek to release more old wool. I longingly want to lean closer into my Good Shepherd's arms as He carries me close to Him. I hunger to be like the sheep pictured below - resting, and chewing on the green grass of His Word as I am content in Him alone. I want to be covered with His righteousness and not my own.

In that resting, I desire to lean upon the Lord my Rock. 

I pray that 2020 will be a year of expectation instead of only a hindsight view. I may not know what lies ahead, but I know that my Shepherd will be there every step of the way helping me shed old wool and replacing it with NEW.

A Blind Sheep Needing a Shepherd

This is one of those posts that will be hard to put into words what the Lord actually showed me. However, what He has taught me - I feel it to my core. I am praying the words the Lord gives me will convey what He showed.

For the past year or so, I have been drawn to studying the names of God. I am still learning more about them, but one stood out to me so much I had to study it more. "Jehovah Rohi" - the Lord my Shepherd. This name of God means His desire to have a close and personal relationship with us. He cares for us deeply, just as a shepherd does his sheep. When my deeper studies began, I did not realize just how much I would reach out for my Jehovah Rohi.

As I have walked the path of my life in the last few years, I have found uncertainty was constant. I thought I was taking one day at a time and handling everything in stride with the Lord helping me through it. And, for the most part, I was.

Then, our children became seniors in high school and graduated. Life as I had known it for so long was changing. I was learning what was to be a new normal. Change is a part of life so this was just another growing time in the changes. 

What I did not realize was that my new normal would cause me to wander and falter in ways I did not see coming. 

This past summer was weird.  It is the only way I know how to describe it.

The question that continued to echo in my heart was "Who am I now?" I knew I was still a mother, but the role was changing. It was time for the kids to move forward in their lives and I had to stand back and allow them to do so. 

I felt like I was blindly wandering in a valley where it was dark and lonely. 

It was then that the Lord continued to grow me in Psalm 23, which is such a familiar passage of Scripture. I began to reflect on how the Scriptures compare us to sheep. Thankfully, just as He always does, the Lord knew where my heart would wander. He knew I needed Him as my Shepherd to find me, guide me back to Him alone, and draw me closer into His arms. Here is that familiar passage for you to read:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I have read the book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller. In fact, I am on my third time reading it right now. This is written from a shepherd's point of view in how he takes care of the sheep. It has enlightened my view of just how much MY Shepherd cares for and watches over me.

For the last few years, life has been very overwhelming at times and I was weary. During the summer, I was feeling very low as I was wandering in the emotions of my heart. I know that we are not to trust our feelings as they do not always speak the truth. I can look back now on the summer and see how the Lord made me lie down in the green pastures of His Word and allowed me to drink from His still living water to restore my soul. He led me down the path of righteousness for His name's sake to reveal more of His character to me. He knew I was walking in a valley, but He was already there in front of me. 

I began to cry out to the Lord to help me as I blindly walked this new pathway of motherhood and life. The Lord led me to this verse and it was exactly as I was feeling. 

Psalm 42:11

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

In reading the book by Keller, I began to understand that "cast down" is a term shepherds use for their sheep when they turn over on their backs and cannot get back up. They must have their shepherd find them and set them upright or it could be dangerous. I realized I was cast down. I was struggling to get back on my feet on my own and was having no success. The tears kept coming. The feeling of loneliness and uncertainty kept invading my soul. It was then my Shepherd came to me and showed me Psalm 84. I wish I could go into all of the Psalm, as it is precious, but let me settle on these verses:

Psalm 84:5-7 (ESV)

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 

As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.

Maybe like me, you need to see that passage of Scripture through a different translation to grasp it in the way the Lord opened my eyes to it when I needed it:

Psalm 84:5-7 (NLT)

What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

As I walked my own Valley of Bacca (Valley of Weeping) this summer, the Lord taught me that through my moments of being cast down, HE, my Shepherd, came. 

HE helped me see I lacked nothing - HE was my strength.

HE set my feet upright and brought me back to the green pastures and still waters. 

HE allowed my tears from the valley to become refreshing springs that would allow me to come alongside and bless others along the way.

HE would protect me from the lies my enemy wanted me to believe and lead me to safe pastures and places to think on His Word that would grow me in Him.

HE would continue to anoint my head with oil so that my cup would overflow in blessings of His truths.

HE would follow me with goodness and mercy all the days of my life because He will never leave me or forsake me.

HE reminded me I am already dwelling with Him even though I am still on earth.

HE WILL LEAD ME.

As I continued to grasp those truths, and I still think on them daily, He helped me to see more deeply my need to follow my Shepherd and not wander on my own pathway of life. He is already there in my future and I just need to follow and trust. It does not mean that there will not be days I stumble and become cast down, but that He is always there to come to find me and set me back upright.

In His leading this summer, He also reminded me of a verse He gave me a year ago. It meant something different then than it does to me now. In fact, it is one I have begun clinging to and praying over as I walk this new blind pathway of motherhood and beyond.

Isaiah 42:16

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

I studied Isaiah 42 more in-depth after the Lord led me back to this verse. This whole passage of Scripture is a portion talking about the Messiah - Jesus - Our Good Shepherd. This was not a coincidence! That is why Jesus came to be our Good Shepherd. He came to lead the blind, faltering, weary, wandering sheep in a way they do not know. 

Sheep. 

ME.

Because this became such a precious part of my summer, I felt the strong urge to find a sheep farm and go visit it. Little did I realize how hard one would be to find! I finally was able to locate one that was about an hour away from our home and went to visit it one Saturday in July. In just a short time I was able to see up close the love a shepherd has for his/her sheep. The shepherd of this flock was so kind and walked us around the property. She and her husband began their work with sheep some 26 years ago to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. I was able to photograph the sheep and see myself in them. Here is what I captured with photography in order to have a tangible view of what the Lord showed me this summer:

Maybe there are some of you reading this and are feeling that you are in your own valley. Some of you may be wandering away from the Shepherd without realizing it. Maybe some of you are feeling cast down and wondering when things will be right again. 

Just know that your Shepherd is there. 

He will lead you in paths you do not know, turn the darkness into light, and rough places into level ground. These are things He does as our Good Shepherd because He does not forsake us.

What a joy those words are to this sheep's heart.