A Blind Sheep Needing a Shepherd

This is one of those posts that will be hard to put into words what the Lord actually showed me. However, what He has taught me - I feel it to my core. I am praying the words the Lord gives me will convey what He showed.

For the past year or so, I have been drawn to studying the names of God. I am still learning more about them, but one stood out to me so much I had to study it more. "Jehovah Rohi" - the Lord my Shepherd. This name of God means His desire to have a close and personal relationship with us. He cares for us deeply, just as a shepherd does his sheep. When my deeper studies began, I did not realize just how much I would reach out for my Jehovah Rohi.

As I have walked the path of my life in the last few years, I have found uncertainty was constant. I thought I was taking one day at a time and handling everything in stride with the Lord helping me through it. And, for the most part, I was.

Then, our children became seniors in high school and graduated. Life as I had known it for so long was changing. I was learning what was to be a new normal. Change is a part of life so this was just another growing time in the changes. 

What I did not realize was that my new normal would cause me to wander and falter in ways I did not see coming. 

This past summer was weird.  It is the only way I know how to describe it.

The question that continued to echo in my heart was "Who am I now?" I knew I was still a mother, but the role was changing. It was time for the kids to move forward in their lives and I had to stand back and allow them to do so. 

I felt like I was blindly wandering in a valley where it was dark and lonely. 

It was then that the Lord continued to grow me in Psalm 23, which is such a familiar passage of Scripture. I began to reflect on how the Scriptures compare us to sheep. Thankfully, just as He always does, the Lord knew where my heart would wander. He knew I needed Him as my Shepherd to find me, guide me back to Him alone, and draw me closer into His arms. Here is that familiar passage for you to read:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I have read the book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller. In fact, I am on my third time reading it right now. This is written from a shepherd's point of view in how he takes care of the sheep. It has enlightened my view of just how much MY Shepherd cares for and watches over me.

For the last few years, life has been very overwhelming at times and I was weary. During the summer, I was feeling very low as I was wandering in the emotions of my heart. I know that we are not to trust our feelings as they do not always speak the truth. I can look back now on the summer and see how the Lord made me lie down in the green pastures of His Word and allowed me to drink from His still living water to restore my soul. He led me down the path of righteousness for His name's sake to reveal more of His character to me. He knew I was walking in a valley, but He was already there in front of me. 

I began to cry out to the Lord to help me as I blindly walked this new pathway of motherhood and life. The Lord led me to this verse and it was exactly as I was feeling. 

Psalm 42:11

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

In reading the book by Keller, I began to understand that "cast down" is a term shepherds use for their sheep when they turn over on their backs and cannot get back up. They must have their shepherd find them and set them upright or it could be dangerous. I realized I was cast down. I was struggling to get back on my feet on my own and was having no success. The tears kept coming. The feeling of loneliness and uncertainty kept invading my soul. It was then my Shepherd came to me and showed me Psalm 84. I wish I could go into all of the Psalm, as it is precious, but let me settle on these verses:

Psalm 84:5-7 (ESV)

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 

As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.

Maybe like me, you need to see that passage of Scripture through a different translation to grasp it in the way the Lord opened my eyes to it when I needed it:

Psalm 84:5-7 (NLT)

What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

As I walked my own Valley of Bacca (Valley of Weeping) this summer, the Lord taught me that through my moments of being cast down, HE, my Shepherd, came. 

HE helped me see I lacked nothing - HE was my strength.

HE set my feet upright and brought me back to the green pastures and still waters. 

HE allowed my tears from the valley to become refreshing springs that would allow me to come alongside and bless others along the way.

HE would protect me from the lies my enemy wanted me to believe and lead me to safe pastures and places to think on His Word that would grow me in Him.

HE would continue to anoint my head with oil so that my cup would overflow in blessings of His truths.

HE would follow me with goodness and mercy all the days of my life because He will never leave me or forsake me.

HE reminded me I am already dwelling with Him even though I am still on earth.

HE WILL LEAD ME.

As I continued to grasp those truths, and I still think on them daily, He helped me to see more deeply my need to follow my Shepherd and not wander on my own pathway of life. He is already there in my future and I just need to follow and trust. It does not mean that there will not be days I stumble and become cast down, but that He is always there to come to find me and set me back upright.

In His leading this summer, He also reminded me of a verse He gave me a year ago. It meant something different then than it does to me now. In fact, it is one I have begun clinging to and praying over as I walk this new blind pathway of motherhood and beyond.

Isaiah 42:16

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

I studied Isaiah 42 more in-depth after the Lord led me back to this verse. This whole passage of Scripture is a portion talking about the Messiah - Jesus - Our Good Shepherd. This was not a coincidence! That is why Jesus came to be our Good Shepherd. He came to lead the blind, faltering, weary, wandering sheep in a way they do not know. 

Sheep. 

ME.

Because this became such a precious part of my summer, I felt the strong urge to find a sheep farm and go visit it. Little did I realize how hard one would be to find! I finally was able to locate one that was about an hour away from our home and went to visit it one Saturday in July. In just a short time I was able to see up close the love a shepherd has for his/her sheep. The shepherd of this flock was so kind and walked us around the property. She and her husband began their work with sheep some 26 years ago to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. I was able to photograph the sheep and see myself in them. Here is what I captured with photography in order to have a tangible view of what the Lord showed me this summer:

Maybe there are some of you reading this and are feeling that you are in your own valley. Some of you may be wandering away from the Shepherd without realizing it. Maybe some of you are feeling cast down and wondering when things will be right again. 

Just know that your Shepherd is there. 

He will lead you in paths you do not know, turn the darkness into light, and rough places into level ground. These are things He does as our Good Shepherd because He does not forsake us.

What a joy those words are to this sheep's heart.