A Blind Sheep Needing a Shepherd

This is one of those posts that will be hard to put into words what the Lord actually showed me. However, what He has taught me - I feel it to my core. I am praying the words the Lord gives me will convey what He showed.

For the past year or so, I have been drawn to studying the names of God. I am still learning more about them, but one stood out to me so much I had to study it more. "Jehovah Rohi" - the Lord my Shepherd. This name of God means His desire to have a close and personal relationship with us. He cares for us deeply, just as a shepherd does his sheep. When my deeper studies began, I did not realize just how much I would reach out for my Jehovah Rohi.

As I have walked the path of my life in the last few years, I have found uncertainty was constant. I thought I was taking one day at a time and handling everything in stride with the Lord helping me through it. And, for the most part, I was.

Then, our children became seniors in high school and graduated. Life as I had known it for so long was changing. I was learning what was to be a new normal. Change is a part of life so this was just another growing time in the changes. 

What I did not realize was that my new normal would cause me to wander and falter in ways I did not see coming. 

This past summer was weird.  It is the only way I know how to describe it.

The question that continued to echo in my heart was "Who am I now?" I knew I was still a mother, but the role was changing. It was time for the kids to move forward in their lives and I had to stand back and allow them to do so. 

I felt like I was blindly wandering in a valley where it was dark and lonely. 

It was then that the Lord continued to grow me in Psalm 23, which is such a familiar passage of Scripture. I began to reflect on how the Scriptures compare us to sheep. Thankfully, just as He always does, the Lord knew where my heart would wander. He knew I needed Him as my Shepherd to find me, guide me back to Him alone, and draw me closer into His arms. Here is that familiar passage for you to read:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I have read the book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller. In fact, I am on my third time reading it right now. This is written from a shepherd's point of view in how he takes care of the sheep. It has enlightened my view of just how much MY Shepherd cares for and watches over me.

For the last few years, life has been very overwhelming at times and I was weary. During the summer, I was feeling very low as I was wandering in the emotions of my heart. I know that we are not to trust our feelings as they do not always speak the truth. I can look back now on the summer and see how the Lord made me lie down in the green pastures of His Word and allowed me to drink from His still living water to restore my soul. He led me down the path of righteousness for His name's sake to reveal more of His character to me. He knew I was walking in a valley, but He was already there in front of me. 

I began to cry out to the Lord to help me as I blindly walked this new pathway of motherhood and life. The Lord led me to this verse and it was exactly as I was feeling. 

Psalm 42:11

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

In reading the book by Keller, I began to understand that "cast down" is a term shepherds use for their sheep when they turn over on their backs and cannot get back up. They must have their shepherd find them and set them upright or it could be dangerous. I realized I was cast down. I was struggling to get back on my feet on my own and was having no success. The tears kept coming. The feeling of loneliness and uncertainty kept invading my soul. It was then my Shepherd came to me and showed me Psalm 84. I wish I could go into all of the Psalm, as it is precious, but let me settle on these verses:

Psalm 84:5-7 (ESV)

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 

As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.

Maybe like me, you need to see that passage of Scripture through a different translation to grasp it in the way the Lord opened my eyes to it when I needed it:

Psalm 84:5-7 (NLT)

What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

As I walked my own Valley of Bacca (Valley of Weeping) this summer, the Lord taught me that through my moments of being cast down, HE, my Shepherd, came. 

HE helped me see I lacked nothing - HE was my strength.

HE set my feet upright and brought me back to the green pastures and still waters. 

HE allowed my tears from the valley to become refreshing springs that would allow me to come alongside and bless others along the way.

HE would protect me from the lies my enemy wanted me to believe and lead me to safe pastures and places to think on His Word that would grow me in Him.

HE would continue to anoint my head with oil so that my cup would overflow in blessings of His truths.

HE would follow me with goodness and mercy all the days of my life because He will never leave me or forsake me.

HE reminded me I am already dwelling with Him even though I am still on earth.

HE WILL LEAD ME.

As I continued to grasp those truths, and I still think on them daily, He helped me to see more deeply my need to follow my Shepherd and not wander on my own pathway of life. He is already there in my future and I just need to follow and trust. It does not mean that there will not be days I stumble and become cast down, but that He is always there to come to find me and set me back upright.

In His leading this summer, He also reminded me of a verse He gave me a year ago. It meant something different then than it does to me now. In fact, it is one I have begun clinging to and praying over as I walk this new blind pathway of motherhood and beyond.

Isaiah 42:16

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

I studied Isaiah 42 more in-depth after the Lord led me back to this verse. This whole passage of Scripture is a portion talking about the Messiah - Jesus - Our Good Shepherd. This was not a coincidence! That is why Jesus came to be our Good Shepherd. He came to lead the blind, faltering, weary, wandering sheep in a way they do not know. 

Sheep. 

ME.

Because this became such a precious part of my summer, I felt the strong urge to find a sheep farm and go visit it. Little did I realize how hard one would be to find! I finally was able to locate one that was about an hour away from our home and went to visit it one Saturday in July. In just a short time I was able to see up close the love a shepherd has for his/her sheep. The shepherd of this flock was so kind and walked us around the property. She and her husband began their work with sheep some 26 years ago to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. I was able to photograph the sheep and see myself in them. Here is what I captured with photography in order to have a tangible view of what the Lord showed me this summer:

Maybe there are some of you reading this and are feeling that you are in your own valley. Some of you may be wandering away from the Shepherd without realizing it. Maybe some of you are feeling cast down and wondering when things will be right again. 

Just know that your Shepherd is there. 

He will lead you in paths you do not know, turn the darkness into light, and rough places into level ground. These are things He does as our Good Shepherd because He does not forsake us.

What a joy those words are to this sheep's heart.

A Momma's Heart As They Spread Their Wings

I realize I am not the only Momma who has dealt with her children graduating from High School - nor will I be the last. Yes, this is a moment I will get through and a new norm will become life.

When the Lord graciously allowed us to have these two precious ones after years of trying, I wanted to hold on tight to the moments and memories we would share. Our house became full all at once when they were born. We had to learn, like everyone else, how to do this thing called parenting. I just feel like the four pictures below happened in a blink of an eye. 

Our firsts were also our lasts at the same time. Maybe that is why their High school graduation is hitting me as hard as it is?  Is it because this is the first and last time we will walk this path? Is it because I know things will change forever or is it the sentimental aspect of being their Momma? I honestly do not know. 

I feel I must share the feelings that are welling up inside that need a place to rest. I am here to share my heart and what the Lord has taught me as I learned how to be their Momma. The days may have seemed long but those years were certainly short now that I look back on them. I missed a lot of moments having to work during the first five years of their lives, so having them come with me to school for the past 14 years has been something I have not wanted to take for granted. I am finding those memories are the hardest right now. I am going to miss them being "with" me every day.

However, the Lord is good and He has shown me that I can look back and see so many things He has taught me because of the two children He allowed us to have.

So what has the Lord taught me through the years?

The minute they were born I knew my life was going to be different, but I could never have dreamed by how much.

When we brought them home from the hospital, I began to realize the easiest part was carrying them before birth.

Strange as this may seem, I will always miss carrying them inside of me. I had waited so long to feel those precious movements and I cherished them.

Each day made me realize how much I did not know about being a Momma.

Each day taught me what it is to be a Momma.

They may have been twins, but they were totally different and I had to learn to figure out the best way to handle each one.

When I thought I had figured them out, something would change and I would have to start over again.

Just because you are a teacher and you do know a lot about kids, you have to see things differently as a Momma.

I began to learn what unconditional love is and how I should show it.

I saw myself as God's child so much differently and it gave me a new appreciation for all the Lord had done for me.

When our children had to repeat Kindergarten it was actually the best thing ever even though at the time I thought it was the hardest thing I would do.

I found out repeating Kindergarten was a piece of cake compared to what was ahead of us.

The Lord was always there in the younger years helping me see how He was growing our two - even though I did not fully understand a lot of it until now.

I found myself learning more about how to parent God's way instead of what I thought was the best way. In that learning, I learned more about God's love for me as well.

I could not help with the Math after third grade without doing some tutoring for myself.

Fourth grade NC Projects will go down in History as the "Project to Remember".

Middle School is not for the faint of heart.

I had to prepare for the Middle school years with my son more than my daughter. Whew.. hormones are something.

Driving with twins at the age of 15/16 is also not for the faint of heart. I lost a lot of "9 lives" with near mailbox catastrophes. 

I actually handled the driving with more grace and patience than their father. :)

Your children need you more in Middle/High School than you ever thought they would in the younger years and Elementary.

Even when our teenagers had the "teenage attitude", the Lord taught me that this was the "Age of Opportunity" - every moment was a gift to use in growing them - and growing me.

I realized how many idols I had in my own life when I was trying to help my teens see the idols in theirs.

Praying for your children allows the Lord to change them.

You cannot change your teenagers with a bunch of rules. They need to know you love them for more than the following of one.

I REALLY saw how much the Lord shows grace and mercy to me every day when I saw myself in my teens.

I began to see how the Lord would have me go through something and dig into His Word for a solution only to see the same Scripture would apply for the kids' troubles or needs soon after. That still amazes me. 

Struggling is a part of life. Struggles are what grow us. Struggles are good.

Failure is only when you stop trying.

Do hard things - and do them alongside your children. 

Doing hard things with your children make memories that will last forever.

I began to fully realize that God's plan for my children was far greater than any plan I may have had.

I began to let go and show them that the Lord was the One who would never leave them or forsake them.

I had to continue letting go and help them understand that while I might have advice, and I am here anytime they need me, the Lord is the One who will guide their path.

It was imperative to point them to Scripture and remind them that with Christ they can do all things.

I soon realized just how much they watched my own walk with the Lord. They watched me as I spent time with the Lord. It was humbling.

I had to trust the Lord that He would do abundantly beyond all that we could ask or think.

Seeing your children turn into young adults and use the gifts God has given to them is truly awe-inspiring.

Waiting is hard, but waiting on the Lord is always the best.


There was nothing like having them "with" me at school for 14 years. I will always cherish the memories of rides to school (even when they made me late), seeing them around campus, times they would pop in my room in the middle of the day, and even the complaining moments of wanting to go home at the end of the day. Being a teacher's kid is hard. I loved every minute of those 14 years.

I am so grateful for all the Lord has taught me so far through my children. I know He still has so much to teach me and I desire to learn from Him. I am looking forward to the new beginnings and how the Lord will continue to work in their lives....

...until then, can someone please just pass the tissues and allow this Momma some moments of tears and sweet times of remembering?

When it is time to leave the nest, my Momma's heart understands that I am to let go and allow the Lord to be the wind beneath their outspread wings.

Every Season Has Its Reason

When I look back on 2018, this picture of ice is a representation of what it felt like to me.

This past year felt like one of disorganization, fragmented chaos, and jagged edges. Some days I could only see the disorganization and chaos. Some days, the jagged edges cut me to the core. There were tons of doubt, fear, anxiousness, and overwhelming obstacles.

But just as this is a picture of ice, that fades when the heat is applied, so did the Lord teach me some valuable truths as He lovingly applied His heat to the ice of my soul. He had to teach me that what I saw as disorganization, chaos, and jagged edges were actually a beautiful part of what He was doing in my life.

I clung to Psalm 105:4 last year:

"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!" 

I literally held on to that verse daily. I did seek Him - and found Him - and look back on last year and know I would not have made it without Him.

In seeking Him, what did I learn more deeply?

Every season has its reason.

The year 2018 felt like the season of winter - all year long.

Winter is a time of barrenness, coldness, less light, and lack of color. One can see that the animals in nature have to look harder to find their food. Some have to dig deep below the snow in order to find anything to eat. In the past, if a person/family did not have goods stored up to eat, starvation could occur. Our personal winters can be the same - barren, cold, and lack of vibrancy in color.

I felt that way on many occasions this past year. I was stuck in the winter season because the whole year was consumed from January to December with what was to come. There was Wesley's brain training, then a new school year filled with new obstacles to overcome, two babies who are now Seniors and beginning to fly out of the nest, aging parents, financial uncertainties, and just the day-to-day grind of trying to keep up with it all.  I found I had to look harder for the spiritual food in order to survive. My heart grew cold at times simply because life was so overwhelming and I did not have time to dig deep beneath the cold snow of life to see what was beneath in God's Word. I continued to daily read the Scripture, but the time for digging deep was shorter like the short days of winter. I had to dig when I could and hold on to the food I found. I felt winter to the core, just as cold can creep in and you feel it to your bones. I began to look around me at times and could not see any color, but the same stark landscape that seemed to have no end.

As I have reflected on this, I did not realize how much I had gone through winter until I kept calling out to the Lord. He knew I could not shake the coldness I was feeling on my own. He had to show me what I needed to understand and attach it to the warmth of His truth.

In thinking through the seasons, the spiritual food the Lord gave me in my winter had to be found deeper than I would have had to search for in the summer season. There were roots I needed for sustenance that would not have been thought of as a need in the warmth and ease of the summer growing times. In continuing to learn how to die to self, I was able to learn the value of a deeper character in the harvest of autumn.

Winter is hard. But winter has a purpose.

Winter is a needed time so that spring might arrive. During the harshness of winter, the ground is preparing for another year of growth. The trees/plants are resting so that once the air begins to show warmth, the leaves and flowers can begin their journey of bursting forth into the beauty of spring. Winter helps us to appreciate the spring and not take it for granted. Spring is when the color comes back into the view of the landscape. It is blossoming all around preparing the world for the summer fruit to come. It is a hope that all things that seemed dead are now alive again. New life. New hope. New fruit.

I can honestly say that I am a different person than a year ago. The Lord taught me a great deal in my winter year.

He taught me to seek Him and Him alone and that I have to dig deep to find the valuable spiritual nutrients that will sustain me in the barren times.

He taught me that my cold heart can be warmed by His love and gentleness. He never left me once by myself on those cold-feeling days.

He taught me that even though the days seemed short and dark, His light inside of me would continue to guide my path. He is my light, my fortress, my deliverer. It is Him that I trust to lead me.

He taught me that even though the landscape may seem quite barren and have no color, the spring ahead would be more beautiful than I ever could imagine. I cannot have the beauty of the spring, the bursting forth of fruit, if the winter did not prepare the soil and plants of my heart.

He taught me that He is my hope and it is He who I must praise as He leads me into the spring.

I honestly do not know if winter is fully past for us yet, but I do know what the Lord has shown me regarding my new year. He has reminded me that He alone is my hope and I am to praise Him. He gave me my verse for this year:

Psalm 71:14 ~ But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.

Maybe someone who is reading this is also walking through a long winter season. Maybe you have felt just as I have felt. We must take heart and know that spring is coming. It will come in His timing - once He has prepared the soil of our hearts to be ready for the blossoming of spring and the fruit-bearing of summer so that we might have a bountiful harvest in autumn.

I will praise the Lord for winter because in those times He alone brings fullness and beauty out of barrenness and ugliness. He prepares us for the hope that comes with spring!

Song of Solomon 2:11-12a

for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come...

The Names of Christ at Christmas

Finally.

A few quiet moments to gather my thoughts that have been flowing through the courses of my mind in the last weeks and months.

Life has been hectic and crazy. I fully believe that Satan likes our lives like that so that we do not take the time to fully focus on the Lord and about what our purpose is on earth - praise and worship of our Savior. It is about giving God the glory for all He has done. When we are caught up in the rat-race of this culture in which we live in America, these truths can fall on deaf ears.

Sometimes we are part of the problem because we continue to add to what we "think" we are supposed to do. We live "on-the-go".

Sometimes it is just life in and of itself - the jobs, responsibilities, and needs of our families.

Sometimes it just out of our own laziness for us to really grasp this life isn't all about me, myself, 

and I.

We are now in the middle of the Christmas season and my heart has been pondering a great deal on the story of Christmas. As I was teaching my students the "oh-so-familiar" Christmas story of Luke 2 last week, the Lord began to really work on stretching me to grasp more deeply what He has done.

As I shared with my students, I wanted them to view the Luke 2 story of Christmas through new eyes - even though they are younger and have not heard it as much as I. But in that teaching, it was I that wanted a deeper view. I wanted the Lord to continue to grow me in something that was so familiar.

I am thankful for the Lord teaching me as I teach those children He has put into my care. Here are some things the Lord continues to reveal to me about Himself through my own study of His Word, teaching His Word, and taking the time to listen to His truths through preaching or His still, small voice.

Here are names Christ spoke of Himself while on this earth. I found it a wonderful study of the Christmas story to view it through His names. See how the Lord showed me how His names relate to His actual birth/birthplace and of what He would speak to us. I know I am far from being a Bible scholar, but I do desire to find connections of the Lord in every part of life, so why not the Christmas story?

(I used my Bible study Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst as a springboard for my deeper study in this.)

"I am the Bread of Life."
"I am the True Vine." 
"I am the Living Water."
John 6:35 - Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
John 15:1 - I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 
John 4:13-14 - Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 
¹⁴ but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem for taxation with the Roman government because Joseph was of the household of David. As we already know, it was also where Jesus was born. What does this have to do with Jesus being the Bread of Life?

Bethlehem means the City of Bread! How fitting that the Bread of Life would be born in a city that is so rightly named. Our Savior, born in a lowly stable and laid in a manger - a feed or watering trough for animals - would become our Bread of Life where we would never hunger. Spiritually, we can be fed through His Word and His truths.

In researching Bethlehem, I found that it was famous in the ancient times for its abundant growth of olives, vines, and almonds. How fitting to me that Jesus, the "True Vine" would be born with that abundant growth on the hillsides surrounding Bethlehem. To apply this to our Christmas story today, we can find abundant growth in our spiritual walk when we abide in our True Vine and allow Him to prune us into bringing forth more fruit. Just as fruit cannot grow unless it is attached to the tree, so can we not grow unless we abide in Jesus - the One who was born to give us life.

Lastly, I have learned in my research that Bethlehem was also near a great spring of water. In my reading I found that the water was used to fill Solomon's pools for the Temple in Jerusalem. This water was used in part to wash away the blood from the daily sacrifices at the Temple and would be increased more during sacrifices on feast days. I can't help but link this to our Living Water who not only quenches our spiritual thirst, but also cleanses us from what the law could not.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/12/bethlehem-christ-birth-blincoe/
https://www.bible-history.com/jesus/bethlehem.htm
https://www.bibleplaces.com/grapevines-vineyards/
http://www.bible.ca/archeology/bible-archeology-jerusalem-temple-mount-threshing-floor-aqueduct.htm


"I am the Light of the World."
John 8:12 - Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

In the familiar Christmas story, there were the shepherds in the field who were shown a bright light that cast out the darkness around them. There were wisemen from the east who followed a star that led them to the true Light. 

The shepherds were going about their daily lives tending the sheep at nighttime. Darkness was part of night - and darkness had been surrounding the Jewish people for around 400 years with the Roman rule and no signs or visions from God. The angels broke that darkness with marvelous light to announce the birth of Christ - the Messiah - to the shepherds. The shepherds' lives were changed forever as they went to seek the Light of the World - the Messiah as a baby in a manger.

The Wisemen - such knowledge they held. They searched the scriptures and searched the skies watching the stars as they lit the night sky. God was telling His story through His creation and they were willing to view it through the truth of His Word. They were not Jews - God's chosen people. They were Gentiles - those outside of the beloved nation of Israel - but God chose to let a light lead them to the Light of the World. Jesus did not come just for the Jews to be rescued from Roman rule. Jesus came as the angels declared to the shepherds in Luke 2:10 - I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  

That should make us all rejoice in and of itself. I imagine most of those reading this have no Jewish ancestry. We would be those Gentiles. We would be the ones following the light to the true Light of the World. 

"I am the Good Shepherd."
"I am the Gate for the Sheep."
John 10:11 - I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 
John 10:7 -  So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep.

This one seems much easier to connect. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was born in a lowly stable and who were the first outsiders to meet him? It was those bumbling, smelly, awkward shepherds who were just doing a regular night's work taking care of those wandering sheep on the hillside. When that light exploded the night, and the angel spoke of the Messiah being born and lying in a manger, they took off running to see what had come to pass. They didn't have to go all the way to Jerusalem to herd their sheep through the Sheep Gate for sacrifice. They could go directly to Bethlehem to see the "Lamb of God" who would enter that Sheep Gate once for all (Hebrews 10:10) and become our sacrifice for our sins.

This is a beautiful picture of ALL coming to our Savior. If Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords had been born in a palace, do you think those smelly shepherds would have ever darkened the courtyard of the palace, let alone come to His room to fall at His bed? Never would they have been allowed because of their lowly stature. But they were the first to greet Jesus - our Good Shepherd.

Have you ever thought about it this way, though? As I stated above, those shepherds were bumbling, smelly, awkward, and lowly. That is basically what sheep are - and God's Word tells us we are like sheep. (Isaiah 53:6) We need our Good Shepherd and we must fall before Him with our bumbling attempts of righteousness, our smelly sin nature, and our awkward excuses for not following Him with a lowly and humble spirit. Then, we must go and tell others the same. (Luke 2:17-18) He brings us through the Sheep Gate, cleansing us and making us whole while He became the sacrifice in our place.

"I am the Resurrection and the Life."
"I am the Way and the Truth and the Life."
John 11:25 - Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,
John 14:6 - Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Think again on what I shared above. Jews and Gentiles alike came to see Jesus when He was born - the Messiah. The part of John 14:6 that has struck me most for this section is: "No one comes to the Father except through me."

This name couples with another name of Christ - one that is spoken of and sung about much this time of year but can become so heard that we forget the majesty of it - Emmanuel - God With Us.

This was God coming down among the creation He made and becoming one of us so that He could be the "Resurrection and the Life." No other could take away our sins. The priests gave sacrifices, but none could take away the sins completely. It was only one WAY through Christ - fully God and fully Man, perfect in every way - that our sins could be forever paid.

God came down.

God came to live among us. 

God humbled Himself and came in the form of an innocent baby.

God, through His Son, came to face what we face, live what we live, yet without sin. 

God, through His Son, became our sacrifice so that even though we might die physically, we can live forever with Him.

This name brings to my mind this Psalm from David - the ancestor of Christ:

Psalm 8

O Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
²     Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
    to still the enemy and the avenger.

³ When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that you care for him?

⁵ Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
    and crowned him with glory and honor.
⁶ You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
    you have put all things under his feet,
⁷ all sheep and oxen,
    and also the beasts of the field,
⁸ the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
    whatever passes along the paths of the seas.

⁹ O Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

I hope this helps you see Jesus as more than just a baby in a manger born in Bethlehem. 

He is the Great I AM.  God in flesh.

Let's celebrate Christmas in light of that great name.

The Glorious Unfolding in the Journey

This is a long post....

But so was the last six months.

There is a lot that has happened.

This is a snapshot of mine and Wesley's last six months. 

This was the place of such a mess, but that was not my main concern. What we did at that table with the chairs on either side was a place the Lord was allowing us to take a "mess" and begin to make it "straight."

 

Six days a week.

Two days a week at the training center with his trainer for 90 minutes at a time. 

Four days a week at home for an hour + at a time.

There were things missed in the social parts of life because we had to train.

There were moments of frustration.

There were moments of triumph.

 

But this table and these two chairs are special to this Momma's heart.

We laughed a lot here.

We got on each other's nerves here.

We struggled to be happy over our circumstances at times here.

We had some wonderful conversations here.

There was GROWTH here.

The metronome and timers were sometimes our friends - and sometimes not. 

They made us stretch ourselves in ways we had never been stretched before.

But no matter what we clung to this promise the Lord gave me when we began this journey.

You see, being a teacher is what I do. However, I was walking into this not knowing or understanding a thing of what we would accomplish. For the past six months we literally walked by faith and not always by sight.

Watching Wesley begin to grasp things right in front of our eyes was amazing to see unfold. We knew everything would not be "fixed" in all of this - he had too far to come in a lot of areas. However, the Lord revealed to me that His meaning of the verses He gave to me were not that all of Wesley's academic areas were where we would see Him work "far more abundantly."

Here is why:

Wes and I both grew spiritually - and it was wonderful to walk through this together. We created a bond that is hard to describe. It gave me a chance to minister to Him with what the Lord was teaching me through this process.  

Some days were real and raw. 

Some days we both wanted to quit. 

Some days we did all we could to complete the goal for the day because we both were so exhausted. 

Some days we both had to cheer on each other when we knew we had to train. 

BUT 

There were the days of accomplishments and triumphs. 

There were the moments of beating his own time record or finally "getting" an exercise he had struggled with for so long. 

There were awakenings in his knowledge. 

There were improvements in his retention.

Far more abundantly, in this program, the Lord taught Wesley:
GRIT. 
Determination.
Perseverance.
Focus.

That is something that has to be learned through trial and "fire."  It is easy to say something is too hard and just quit. He learned that failure does not mean it is over. He learned that failure means you tried and you get back up and keep trying again - and again - and again.


We officially finished the week of July 9 but the waiting was still part of the process. He had to be re-tested and then we could get the final results.

I will be the first to admit that those 2 weeks were long in the waiting process, but the Lord showed me great things in that waiting period.

Allow me to share:
I have been in II Chronicles 20 for some time this summer. If you don't know much about that passage let me give you a synopsis. The tribe of Judah was being attacked by the Moabites and Ammonites.  King Jehoshaphat knew they were up against a large army and he didn't know how they were going to overcome these enemies. He chooses to seek the Lord instead of allow his fear to overtake him. The Lord delivered him from the enemies. This is what the prophet told Jehoshaphat:

15b Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's.  

¹⁶ Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel.  

¹⁷ You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.”

I wish I had time to go into more detail of what the Lord taught me but here is the huge point God was making in my life: this battle was not MINE. This was going to be all the Lord's doings and He would receive praise. I did what He had called me to do by training, but the outcome was the Lord's.

I read the above verses in detail the day before we were to have his "graduation" and test results revealed. It brought tears to my eyes because the Lord told me to not be afraid - the Lord will be with me - and Wes.

After the passage above, King Jehoshaphat fell down and worshiped the Lord. He also called on others to praise the name of the Lord as they were going into battle the next day. Here is what happened:

²¹ And when he had taken counsel with the people, he appointed those who were to sing to the Lord and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say,

“Give thanks to the Lord,
    for his steadfast love endures forever.”

²² And when they began to sing and praise, the Lord set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed.  

²³ For the men of Ammon and Moab rose against the inhabitants of Mount Seir, devoting them to destruction, and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, they all helped to destroy one another.

The passage then goes on to say how they went on to gather the spoil:

²⁵ When Jehoshaphat and his people came to take their spoil, they found among them, in great numbers, goods, clothing, and precious things, which they took for themselves until they could carry no more. They were three days in taking the spoil, it was so much. 

²⁶ On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Beracah, for there they blessed the Lord.

The day of Wesley's graduation and test results reveal, I chose to praise the Lord for the improvements we had recorded and seen. I praised Him for His timing. I praised Him for what He has done. I went into the battle with the Lord. Then He showed us the results. There was "spoil" to be gathered.


Why am I telling all of this in such detail? I guess because I just had to share what the Lord has done. I must praise Him. I must give Him glory and what better way than to use His Word in that praising.

• Wesley's "enemies" were not Moab and Ammon. They were his weaknesses in his Mind and Abilities.
• The Lord went before us and began to make a way for Wesley's brain to begin connecting pathways that had not been there before. He had the battle plan all along.
• I chose to praise Him even when I still didn't know the outcome.
• We received "spoil" from the training - growth in so many ways!!!

The Lord has taught ME to trust Him more through this process. The Lord has shown ME many valuable truths from His Word that I would not have had if we had not done this very hard thing.

So, yes, the Lord has done far more abundantly beyond all we asked or thought.

Here are a blurred version of Wesley's test results. He had so many areas that needed strengthening. The green is what he was before. The purple is where he is now.  The one on the far left may not look like much - but that was his long-term memory. It barely registered at a 0.1 when we began. It improved 140%. He has other areas that are so important for the learning process that skyrocketed.

Is everything perfect and not needing any more strengthening?
No.

We know there are still areas of growth. But isn't that for any of us? We all are works in progress.

But now, Wesley has the "spoil" from the battle that he can take with him and continue to improve in so many areas.

In this training process,Wesley has reminded me of a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis when it is becoming an adult. The struggle to get out of the chrysalis is what allows the butterfly's wings to become stronger. If one were to cut the chrysalis to "help" the butterfly, there would not be enough strength to pump the wings. The struggle makes the butterfly stronger. It is something the butterfly must go through in order to unfold its wings and FLY.

Wesley's struggle has now made him stronger. This is just the GLORIOUS UNFOLDING of how Wesley's future will continue to have hope.  

I am looking forward to watching him FLY.

To God be praise!

The Wrestling in the Journey

I have never been a wrestler. I have no idea about the rules of the sport.

But what I am finding, in this Journey of Hope for my son's future, I have been in a wrestling match.

My opponent changes.

Some days it is Satan.

Some days it is Myself.

Some days I am just wrestling with the Lord.

Ever since day one of this brain training I have had something or someone I am wrestling.

I think in the past weekend it has been Satan himself. He has been around like a roaring lion seeking to devour what the Lord has been doing.

It is summertime and we are still in training mode. It is a sacrifice, as I have mentioned many times, but now it takes on a different level. When we normally would be "off" in the summer doing different things, we are still working our brains hard - and even harder now that we are in the last third of the program. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE learning and am always wanting to learn over the summer. This is just different. Summertime training has taken my son and me into a different summer mode than we have ever had - and we have wrestled in that.

However, the real wrestle match came within my heart over the weekend. My wrestling came in opening up the mail and viewing a report card which we knew what would be shown, but the reality of what was shown hit hard. It became yet another reminder of why we are doing what we are doing this summer. I began to look at a website to help me figure out where to help my son with his struggles to strengthen areas academically in math - since that really is his weakest main subject. What I found shocked me.... areas we are trying to work through in training now actually began back in the third/fourth grade. He had been taught all of this - but he had not been able to retain it and then build on it. This fact that we are trying to make up so many of the "lost years" began to overwhelm me.

You would think after all the Lord has taught me so far in this journey I would not even be having these moments!

Unfortunately, because of being weary (I normally am this time of year anyway), Satan took that as a small opening in my life to begin a wrestling match with me. He was pinning me down to the mat with lots of his accusation moves:

"See, I told you this wouldn't work."

"He will never accomplish what you are wanting."

"Why did you wait so long to get him help?"

"You have wasted so much time."

"You have failed your son."

Now, I realize all of these are lies, but the wrestling match was ON. I began to hear the lies louder than the truths. I began to feel I had truly failed my son and no matter how much brain training we would do, it would never be enough to help him even graduate next year let alone get into a college.

I wanted to cry - and I did. I cried out to the Lord for mercy because Satan had pinned me down. I knew I was weary because of the wrestling I had been doing all along, but I couldn't let Satan win. He is NOT in control.

The Lord heard my heart cry and began to reveal to me what I needed to remember and learn from His Word. This wrestling match didn't need to end in defeat! It was the Lord's match to win - not mine.

Let me show you how the Lord, in His love and mercy, reminded me how HE was going to win this wrestling match.

The Lord literally began in Isaiah 30 - as my Bible opened up when I went to search, THIS was where He opened it for me to defeat "Your son will never accomplish what you are wanting":

Isaiah 30:19-21
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. 
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:23 (Look what the Lord showed me in this passage for my farmer son....)
And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures

Then to help me make the move against "You waited too long" in the wrestling match, He took me here:

Isaiah 43:18-19
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

When the in the wrestling match he pinned me down with "You have wasted so much time.", God sent me here:

Isaiah 51:3
For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.

Isaiah 58:12
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Isaiah 61:4
They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.

I know we are not dealing with ancient ruins here - but look at those promises! I have been wrestling with devastating news of a ruined future but the Lord has shown me it WILL be built again. He is building up my son's foundations one "brick" at a time.

One last area the Lord showed me that became precious to me - and my son:

Isaiah 42:16
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. My son and I discussed this part - this is our time of training. We have felt a bit "blind" in this journey as it is a path on which we have never been.
I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. This reminded my son of how this brain training has caused what seemed dark to him in learning now has light - aka - the "lightbulb is turning on!"
These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. WHAT A PROMISE!!!


So, to end this wrestling match, here is a quote I found:

The Lord has shown me so much through this journey - and then I have been able to share these moments with my son. He and I discussed all of these passages today and it was a sweet time. We are both getting training in this process....and it is not all "brain" training.  I am thankful I am not wrestling alone even when I have felt that way at times. I have increased my hold on the One that matters and He will have the final call of "WIN."

Here is a song I was reminded of by a school parent when we began this journey. I honestly just thought about it again as I am writing. 💗✌
How fitting:



"Keep fighting" will be our mantra. We WIN.

Lessons from a Big, White Cabinet

My classroom has had a huge, white cabinet in it to enable this teacher to store wonderful items to enhance the learning pleasure of my students each year.

It has been dear to me. You see, I could put many, many things in that cabinet. Last year I heard from my administration that I needed to learn to let go because it would be leaving my room in the future. I just couldn't think of life without this cabinet! I cleaned out last year and reorganized it hoping to help them see that the cabinet was still good. It might be old, but it was still worth saving!

(insert emotional music here....)

 A couple of weeks ago, the inevitable happened. There was a new kid, er - cabinet, in town and I was told to purge some more and get my supplies into my new cabinet.

(insert more emotionally driven music here...)

How was I going to get all that was in my big, white cabinet into what was now my new - smaller - cabinet? I had just purged so much this past year so I knew what I had was needed.....

....or so I thought.....

As the new purging began, I began to open up the boxes and view the supplies. I began to see some items in each box that I had kept for a long time. When I looked at them through new, "you have to get this done" eyes, I began to realize I had no need for some of the items I had been holding onto through the years. There were a lot of things that were kept that as I pulled them out I wondered what I was thinking when I kept them. There were other things that had been hidden and needed to be thrown out completely. Then there were just some items I needed to release. Period.

You see, my big, white cabinet actually became a holding area to things that were a hindrance to my teaching. Even though it seemed organized, it was distracting when I went inside to look for the items I really needed. There were too many places that things could "hide." As the purging continued I began to rethink and reorganize in a different way. Some of my old storage boxes would not fit into the new cabinet. I had to visualize a whole new way of storing what was needed.

In the end, I had actually done more cleaning out than I originally thought a year ago. I truly purged things I had been holding onto for so long that they became comfortable and "ignored." The new cabinet has been a blessing because I have been able to keep what I truly needed. I have found I can do more with less.

In the coming weeks my old cabinet will be torn out. My new cabinet will take its place.

As I was finishing up cleaning my room for the end of the year, the Lord began to impress a spiritual twist to this cabinet. He began to help me see how this applied to our spiritual lives.

How many times have we been just like how I have felt about the big, white cabinet? We love a place that can hold a lot of things inside - but they are not always things that are needed. We are comfortable with the space that can be filled with items that can actually hinder us instead of help us.  They are things that we hold onto - and sometimes hide. Then there are just some things that need to be released. Period.

Things like.....

Anger.

Jealousy.

Bitterness.

Doubt.

Fear.

Anxiety.

Worry.

Complaining Spirit.

I could go on....

Sometimes the Lord has to tell us He is removing our big, white cabinet that holds all of these items that hinder our spiritual growth. Sometimes He gives us a "heads up" that a purging needs to happen. We do our part and purge in the way we think takes care of the spiritual problem, just as I had purged "enough" last year in the big, white cabinet. But when I was forced to further examine what was in my cabinet I found out I was holding on to more things than I originally thought. It is the same in our spiritual lives. The Lord uses circumstances in our lives, like my new cabinet was at school, to force us to recognize things that are not needed. He uses His Word to help us spiritually purge the anger, jealousy, bitterness, doubt, fear, anxiety, worry, complaining spirit, etc. These are not needed as we become more like Christ.

My old cabinet began to lose its sentimental hold on me. I began to see that, while it had its purpose, it was time to let it go. As I was leaving school I began to spiritually connect that the old cabinet is like our old sinful nature.  The old nature wants us to think we need to have a big enough space to carry around the extra items. We believe we have to hold onto attitudes and beliefs that are not needed.  When the Lord makes us a new creation, like my new cabinet, He helps us to get rid of things we hold onto that are taking up valuable space. We need to let them go. Instead, we can be filled with the items that will be useful and needed. Spiritual things such as....

Faith.

Love.

Self-Control.

Patience.

Goodness.

Joy.

Peace.

Gentleness.


When my big cabinet gets torn out, I actually want to be there to observe it. I want to see how the new will replace the old. I am grateful that the Lord is always there when He tears out my old sinful nature "cabinet." He replaces the old with new. Our theme verse at school for this just finished year was II Corinthians 5:17  ~

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

How fitting for me to end the school year with another view of how God makes all things new!

So what big, white cabinet is the Lord trying to help you get rid of in your life?

Don't hold to what you think you need - allow the Lord to show you what needs to be purged.