But what I am finding, in this Journey of Hope for my son's future, I have been in a wrestling match.
My opponent changes.
Some days it is Satan.
Some days it is Myself.
Some days I am just wrestling with the Lord.
Ever since day one of this brain training I have had something or someone I am wrestling.
I think in the past weekend it has been Satan himself. He has been around like a roaring lion seeking to devour what the Lord has been doing.
It is summertime and we are still in training mode. It is a sacrifice, as I have mentioned many times, but now it takes on a different level. When we normally would be "off" in the summer doing different things, we are still working our brains hard - and even harder now that we are in the last third of the program. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE learning and am always wanting to learn over the summer. This is just different. Summertime training has taken my son and me into a different summer mode than we have ever had - and we have wrestled in that.
However, the real wrestle match came within my heart over the weekend. My wrestling came in opening up the mail and viewing a report card which we knew what would be shown, but the reality of what was shown hit hard. It became yet another reminder of why we are doing what we are doing this summer. I began to look at a website to help me figure out where to help my son with his struggles to strengthen areas academically in math - since that really is his weakest main subject. What I found shocked me.... areas we are trying to work through in training now actually began back in the third/fourth grade. He had been taught all of this - but he had not been able to retain it and then build on it. This fact that we are trying to make up so many of the "lost years" began to overwhelm me.
You would think after all the Lord has taught me so far in this journey I would not even be having these moments!
Unfortunately, because of being weary (I normally am this time of year anyway), Satan took that as a small opening in my life to begin a wrestling match with me. He was pinning me down to the mat with lots of his accusation moves:
"See, I told you this wouldn't work."
"He will never accomplish what you are wanting."
"Why did you wait so long to get him help?"
"You have wasted so much time."
"You have failed your son."
Now, I realize all of these are lies, but the wrestling match was ON. I began to hear the lies louder than the truths. I began to feel I had truly failed my son and no matter how much brain training we would do, it would never be enough to help him even graduate next year let alone get into a college.
I wanted to cry - and I did. I cried out to the Lord for mercy because Satan had pinned me down. I knew I was weary because of the wrestling I had been doing all along, but I couldn't let Satan win. He is NOT in control.
The Lord heard my heart cry and began to reveal to me what I needed to remember and learn from His Word. This wrestling match didn't need to end in defeat! It was the Lord's match to win - not mine.
Let me show you how the Lord, in His love and mercy, reminded me how HE was going to win this wrestling match.
The Lord literally began in Isaiah 30 - as my Bible opened up when I went to search, THIS was where He opened it for me to defeat "Your son will never accomplish what you are wanting":
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Isaiah 30:23 (Look what the Lord showed me in this passage for my farmer son....)
And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures
Then to help me make the move against "You waited too long" in the wrestling match, He took me here:
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
When the in the wrestling match he pinned me down with "You have wasted so much time.", God sent me here:
For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.
They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.
I know we are not dealing with ancient ruins here - but look at those promises! I have been wrestling with devastating news of a ruined future but the Lord has shown me it WILL be built again. He is building up my son's foundations one "brick" at a time.
One last area the Lord showed me that became precious to me - and my son:
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. My son and I discussed this part - this is our time of training. We have felt a bit "blind" in this journey as it is a path on which we have never been.
I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. This reminded my son of how this brain training has caused what seemed dark to him in learning now has light - aka - the "lightbulb is turning on!"
These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. WHAT A PROMISE!!!
So, to end this wrestling match, here is a quote I found:
The Lord has shown me so much through this journey - and then I have been able to share these moments with my son. He and I discussed all of these passages today and it was a sweet time. We are both getting training in this process....and it is not all "brain" training. I am thankful I am not wrestling alone even when I have felt that way at times. I have increased my hold on the One that matters and He will have the final call of "WIN."
Here is a song I was reminded of by a school parent when we began this journey. I honestly just thought about it again as I am writing. 💗✌
"Keep fighting" will be our mantra. We WIN.