Friday, April 26, 2013

04/26/13

Yesterday Steve and I took the day off from work to go with Mikayla to Fine Arts.

She has gone for Poetry for the past three years and just loves performing.  She has never won a ribbon and, with this being her last year to participate, she was really hoping to earn one.

This year, there was a twist.

Last Saturday, after our Super Saturday at school, I received a call from a fellow teacher who was in charge of the Sword Drill portion of Fine Arts.  One of the team members had broken his finger and could not participate and the alternate was not able to go, either.  She was asking if Mikayla would be willing to be a part of the team for Sword Drill so the sixth grade would not have to pull out of the competition.

I asked Mikayla and left the decision up to her.  She said that she was glad to do it, but just know she stunk at finding verses quickly.  haha.

Everyone involved was so appreciative and it put a joy in our hearts I can't explain.

She had two days of actual practice with the teacher in charge.  The other children work on this since January or February.  (Which is how long she has been working on her poem for the Poetry Competition.)

Yesterday we began the trek to the host school which was about 1 1/2 hours away.  I sortof remembered how to get there but was not certain of the exact location so I told Steve we should just use the GPS.  We used the one on his phone since he forgot his regular GPS at home.  That thing took us around our elbow to get to our thumb!!  We would have been there 15 minutes earlier, probably, if we had not been directed on and off so many roads.  We could have stayed on the same road and gotten there in less time!  It became comical after a while.

Mikayla would have Sword Drill first.  She was a bit nervous, but had a smile on her face and a willingness in her heart.  Her partner was very glad she came and was very supportive of her, as were so many other people/parents.

Steve and I sat in the back because we didn't want to be a distraction.  By the way Steve was acting throughout the heats you would have thought he was at a football game.  It was hilarious hearing him cheering her on.  He was adorable and it made me love him more.

There were several times she almost made it in the seven seconds that were given.  She jumped up and earned points a few times as well.  They made it to the final round, too!  During the final round practice, Mikayla got both of the practice drills!  It brought smiles and quiet cheers to those in the audience cheering her on!  During the final performance, she was still able to earn a couple of points for their team, and through it all she never lost any points, which is huge because with her lack of practice that could have happened!

Once the points were totaled, the team Mikayla was representing won SECOND place!!

That was straight from the Lord!

It was a joy to mine and Steve's hearts to see how her willingness was blessed by the Lord.  All those around her shared that same thing with her.  No matter whether she won it was special, but the Lord blessed doubly!

Her poem that afternoon went well, too.  Her love is speaking in front of people and giving her all.  She was concerned on the way home that the poem recitation was not good enough to place, but we helped her understand that as long as she did her best, that is all that mattered!

Today she found out she did not win anything in the Poetry Competition.  She was honest with me and told me she was so disappointed and even angry because it was something she had wanted for so long.

I completely understand that anger.  It was something she can no longer compete in because she has aged out.

It was then that I began to share with her what the Lord had already been speaking about with me.  You see, I had a feeling she would not place in the poetry because I saw the competition.  The Lord gave me this to share with her this afternoon:

Our trip down to the competition was not what we had planned at all.  The roads that we were taken on to get there were unknown, curvy, off and on main highways, and just not how we knew would be the easiest way to get to the school. We got to see some countryside we would not have seen if we had gone down the straight road of our own choice.  I would not have connected some roads and how they could be traveled if the GPS had taken us the way it *should* have taken us.  We still got there safely, it just was a different learning curve.  (literally! haha!)

What a word picture the Lord gave me as I began to explain all of this to Mikayla.

You see, sometimes God gives the greatest blessings when He takes us off OUR path, and puts us on His.  Mikayla had a pathway that led to earning a ribbon for Fine Arts.  She has only gone for Poetry in all of her years of competition so that was where her mind immediately led when thinking about the ribbon.  God took her off her own course and put her on one that was unknown. and all over the place until HE received the glory for the ribbon she accomplished.  It was all because of HIM.

Does that mean He didn't think she would give Him the glory if she won a ribbon in Poetry?

No, I do not think so.

I think the Lord just had to take her through this experience to teach her that sometimes our blessings do not come from the path we have planned, but from God taking us out of our comfort zone pathway so we can depend more on Him.

I am in awe of what the Lord has done and taught ME through this experience this week.  I realize Mikayla did not quite understand the full word picture I was sharing with her because she is dealing with the loss of what she held so precious.  In time, I know the Lord will help her to understand all that He is showing her right now, just as He does for us all.

Proverbs 16:9
A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.


Sunday, April 21, 2013

04/21/13

I feel the need to discuss something today.

It is something I have discussed on here before.  In fact, I posted about it in October 2011, here.

I recently read a blog post someone had shared on Facebook that detailed this very same thing.  I shared it on my page.  I saw ME in his post.

What am I meaning?

Anxiety/Depression/OCD.

I have it... and I am not talking about getting anxious on a "normal" level.  So many people misunderstand that.

I lived with it for 38 or so years before I realized exactly what it was.


I have had many comments over the years of Christians meaning well but telling me  "Just pray about it!" or when I explain some things "Oh, so this isn't a spiritual problem?"

During those years I thought it was "just me."  Which, it was.... but not exactly in the way they were meaning.

I thought I was not spiritual enough.  I thought I apparently had not really known the Lord and I needed to get some things straight.... repeatedly.

I prayed.

I searched the Scriptures.

I memorized Scripture and repeated it over and over.

I read Christian books.

I went to counseling.

I wanted to know what it was that caused me to not "think right."

No matter what I did to ask the Lord to give me greater faith, help me not feel so worried/anxious, etc... it never went away.

I covered it.  I never wanted anyone to know..... I was always doubting my faith in the Lord.

That is, until the Lord guided my paths to reveal to me that I needed something more.  I needed medication to help me because the serotonin levels in my brain were not right.

It is amazing to me when I hear other Christians say that taking medication for this is not having enough faith in the Lord.

What a dark hole I remember in my life during those few years mine became intense.  What guidance the Lord gave me to show me it wasn't about what I was doing wrong, but what was WRONG with my sin-cursed body!

You would not go to a diabetic and tell them that they are not having enough faith so stop taking that insulin and get right with God.

You would not tell a cancer patient that apparently their spiritual life is in disarray so they need to get in the Scriptures more and it will be better.

You would not tell someone with rheumatoid arthritis that they need to pray more and their pain in the joints will go away.

You would not tell someone with a tumor not to seek the help they need from trained professionals to see if surgery would take care of the problem or if there is something more to it.

Why, then, do Christians so often jump to the conclusion that when someone is facing anxiety/depression/etc... that they have a spiritual problem and need to have more faith in God?

BECAUSE of the path the Lord led me to the right people to reveal what I did have,
and the wisdom of the doctor to prescribe something that would cause my serotonin levels to become what they should be,
I am able to GRASP the Word of God and TRUST what He has says in ways I couldn't grasp before because my brain was constantly in panic.

I can now understand better Paul's verses in Romans -
Romans 8:26-28
And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;
and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I continually see how the Lord led me down this path for HIS Glory!  I am still on medication today, and will be for the rest of my life, because I have lived with this anxiety in my body for so long.  HOWEVER, that does not stop me from shouting from the rooftops that the Lord worked a mighty work in me, and still is.

My faith has intensified throughout this dark time in my life. 

I am now able to help others who are going through this same dark valley.  I am able to tell them my story, help them realize we are all human, and try to guide them with the Lord's help to what would be best for them.

Some of those people just needed to understand the Scripture more.

Some of those people needed medication just like me.

II Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort;
who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

This experience has taught me to be REAL with others.

It has taught me to have a compassion that I would not have had unless I walked this journey.

It has allowed me to use what happened to me to help others... not give pat phrases.

All for God's glory.

My blog name "Just Me" is so fitting and I am thankful for the Lord's guidance in that as well.  I want others to know I am on a journey and HUMAN just like them.  I am learning and growing just like everyone else.  We all have things that go wrong whether in our bodies or in life itself.  If in that process of my own learning and growing that I can help others, that is what the Lord calls me to do.

You're seeing "JUST ME."

Monday, April 15, 2013

04/15/13

Last week I was able to have a heart to heart with one of my children.

Being 13 brings out some interesting things, you know, and as a parent I want to keep on top of things.

I was told "The Bible can be boring."

Hmmmm....

OY....

Well....

Ooookaaaayyyyyy....

So how did I respond to that, you might ask?

Carefully, and without judgment.

As you may have read from Christmastime, both of the kids were given Samsung Tablets to help with school and such.

These tablets are wonderful tools.

They can also be huge distractions.

How to balance it all is the real dilemma.



Comparing the Tablet to the Bible - yeah, the Bible can appear boring.

The Tablet has games, bright colors, fun apps, etc....

The Bible has words.  Sometimes these words can be hard to understand.


God never intended His Word to be flashy, fast-paced, and full of games.

He wanted us to be still before Him and soak in Who He is.




Unfortunately, that does not happen by someone forcing you to read it.


I could have gone on and on about how God's Word should never be looked upon as boring.  It is something you must do daily.  It is to bring joy!  I could have forced this child to read certain portions.  I could have droned on... and on.... and on....

But, I didn't.  

I just showed this child that God has so much in store for this child that He wants to reveal.   When God's Word is looked upon as boring, then it will always be boring.  When it is viewed as a new experience each time it is opened, then it will begin to lose its "boringness" and become exciting.

I asked this special one if a prayer to God was given before each time of reading so the Lord could show great and mighty things.  The answer was "No.".... but I already knew that.  It took me into my adult years to understand that, so I know at 13 it isn't a concept that is thought about daily!

I realized I needed to find a way to help these teen years we are beginning in a way I had never had to before.  The devotions needed to be different... yet the same.  Gone are the days where we can do our little devotions at night with Bible lessons.  We are needing the same of God's Word and His truth, but more on what they are needing NOW.

I ordered these from here for the both of them:

I am excited about getting them in the mail each month.  They are easy to read, yet deal with typical issues of what they will be experiencing now in their lives.

The Bible can never compare to a Tablet... or anything else in this world. 

It is so much more.  

It is my job as a parent to be understanding, yet ask the Lord for wisdom to show them the beauty of HIS Word.  The more they get into His Word, the more they will know it is a book they don't want to put down.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

04/13/13

I thought this picture deserved a bit of oversizedness.  :)  The first blooms of spring.

I'm gonna be honest today.

I'm gonna be real.

I get jealous of people.

Yeah, you heard that right.  

I look around at what other people are able to do:
  • the creativity that flows
  • the ability to keep a spotless house 
  • the energy to do five million things "at once"
  • the go-get-it-ness to exercise and lose weight
  • the ability to write and get people to respond
  • women who are cooking and baking for the family and come up with amazing meals
  • I seriously could keep typing this list....

This is a trap and a lie straight from Satan and I know it.

Unfortunately, I still fall into it this trap over and over.

I go to my friend's house who loves to clean and think I am not as good as she is because my house just doesn't stay that way.

I see creative ideas from others that I just don't have time to do..... or just know I wouldn't be able to do.

I observe people getting out there losing weight, something that has been difficult for this girl since turning 40, and I get overwhelmed/frustrated.

I hear of other women working all day and coming home to cook huge meals for their families.  Something I don't do anymore because Steve has taken over that job.  This is something I still feel guilt about.

I compare myself in so many ways to so many things that others do.



Thankfully, though, the Lord has been working in that area of my life.... as He always does.


I have been reading a combination book of Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image by Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey.


These books are wonderful and packed with a lot of technical, yet understandable, information on how our bodies are designed.

Through reading these, the Lord continues to show me that we all are given gifts and talents that are ours alone to bring glory to Him.  He created us for a purpose....

... and that purpose is not to compare ourselves to others and what we don't think we can do, but what He has given us the ability TO do.


Why compare myself to someone else when that is not how God made me?

Should I continue to improve on what the LORD wants out of me?  YES!

I just need to be careful not to think I am not important enough or talented enough to be used by Him when I look at what other people can do.

Here is how I now am learning to view my above "failures":

I go to my friend's house who loves to clean and think I am not as good as she is because my house just doesn't stay that way.  I AM NOT HER.  :)  I love her for what she can do, and I don't have to think of myself any less because my house is not so perfect.

I see creative ideas from others that I just don't have time to do..... or just know I wouldn't be able to do.  I HAVE CREATIVITY, TOO... just not like theirs. 

I observe people getting out there losing weight, something that has been difficult for this girl since turning 40, and I get overwhelmed/frustrated.  I AM BEGINNING THE JOURNEY and DOING MY BEST.  Maybe the Lord is also trying to teach me to be thankful for who I am on the inside first.  The outside will come in time.

I hear of other women working all day and coming home to cook huge meals for their families.  Something I don't do anymore because Steve has taken over that job.  This is something I still feel guilt about.  STEVE IS WILLING TO HELP OUT.  He knows how stressful my teaching days can be... have been.... may be.... and he loves to cook.  Most women would kill for that.  lol


This has actually been a hard post to write because I don't want to sound whiny... but I do want to be real.  So many times we try to cover up our insecurities and act like we are doing great when deep inside we are struggling.  I am not sure as to why the Lord kept pressing for me to write this today.... maybe someone else needed it too.  


Sunday, April 07, 2013

04/07/13

SPRING/EASTER BREAK.

It's over.

Having said that, it has been a wonderful one.  :)

We have been quite busy around here, so it wasn't one that was restful each day, but what we accomplished was awesome.

So what did we do?

Enjoyed time together.... just me and my babies.  :)

Appointments.

Celebrated a certain 13 year birthday.... for several days.

Shopped with my girl.

Pedicures with my girl.

Photographs.

Two photo shoots... on the same day.

Helped the homeless and helped clean up Moore Square where we were helping.

Did yard work. 

Mikayla had a couple of play dates.

Finally met an online friend who I have known around 14 years.  It was so neat to finally MEET her and her kiddos.  You would never know the kids had never met each other before that day because they went exploring at a local park while my friend and I (and her son who wore the wrong shoes) got to talk.  He'll just have to join in the exploring the next time.  I enjoyed talking with him, though.  It was so great to finally connect!

Slept in "late".... realllly late one day.  

WE CLEANED THIS HOUSE.

Oh. My. Word.  Cleaning this house that had been neglected for far too long was overwhelming.  I didn't know where to begin, but I just dove in at the kitchen.  It took us all day.  I was cleaning out drawers and places that had enough dust covering them that I could write letters to everyone.  It felt so good to clean out.  I didn't get to clean out everything, but I hit the hardest areas and will just hit the other areas when summer comes.

Overall, it was a wonderful time off. 

Reality comes back at 5:00am tomorrow.

I can do this.  :)


Monday, April 01, 2013

04/01/13







 My babies turn 13 today.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was holding them like this:

 Through their first year......


 



Through the years of getting into everything....
 



 

Through humoring their mother and taking pictures after pictures after pictures....



 Through getting close to kindergarten....






And seven years old.....





And eight....


And nine.....





And ten.....





And eleven....





And twelve...




AND NOW THIRTEEN.....


We are starting the teen years now....

I will cherish them as I have the past thirteen. 

They will be growing years.

They will be good years.


Oh, how I love my babies.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Wesley and Mikayla!!