Why I Am A Mother

You may be saying, "Of course you are a mother - you have children."

Why, yes, you are correct.  But it goes beyond that. 

Stay with me....

The road to Motherhood was a hard one for me...as it is for many women.

Steve and I battled infertility for four years. 

I was angry for a long time when everyone around me was having children and I was not.

I was bitter when asked the question, "When are you going to have kids?"

Mother's Day was not fun for me.

It was during those years that I felt like God had abandoned me and didn't care that I wanted children.

What I didn't realize, and am still realizing to this very day, is that God's purpose and plan was greater than my own.  My own faith needed strengthening.

He made me a Mother in July of 1999 and I gave birth to my sweet twin babies on April 1, 2000. 

Life hasn't been the same since. 

I could tell you the typical reasons why I am a Mother.  We hear about them all of the time on Mother's Day - and live it daily.

I am not here to pat myself on the back.  It is quite the opposite - I am even more humbled and in awe of the Lord's grace and mercy in my life. 

You see, this weekend in my readings and Bible time, the Lord showed me more strongly the reason I am a Mother - and why I never want to take this job lightly. 

Yesterday the Lord revealed Psalm 145 to me in a new light.  He purposely gave me one verse in particular that was used by the author I was reading. 

Psalm 145: 4 - One generation shall praise your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.

When I first became a Mom I went through the motions of teaching my children about the Lord. 

We went to church regularly and read them Bible stories.  We taught them rules and manners. 

Then the Lord began to teach ME how to really be a Mother.

He began to show me that all I thought was correct in rearing my children was the exact opposite of what He desired.  Not that what I did with rules, etc... was bad - it was just the heart of it all was for outward behavior and not a deep inward change.

When the Lord began to change me further and deeper, He created a love in me for Him that could not be quenched.  I began to understand what that relationship with Him was supposed to look like and how I wanted the same with my own children.  He began to help me realize how He designed a Mother.

I started to understand that my purpose as a Mother was to praise Him and declare Him to my own children.

And the way I would do that would be leading through example.

It is easy to have rules.  It is easy to say "Do what I say, not what I do!" 

But the fact is - your children become what they see you DOING and LIVING right in front of them. 

The Lord began to show me I could not change my children's hearts - only He could do that.

He then began to show me that I needed to go to HIM in order to get to THEM.

The consistent change in me came from His still, small voice reminding me He never gave up on me.  He never stayed mad at me.  He never used cold and callous words with me.  He never rejected me. 

He loved me unconditionally.

No matter what I did - or didn't do.

Let me just say that even in the last week the Lord has continued to show me those facts!

Because of all He taught ME in my walk with Him allowed me to reciprocate with my own children.

There have been many days (and I am sure there will still be plenty more!) where I have felt like a failure at this Mother job.  I wasn't sure if they were even listening.  I began to think I should give up.

But the Lord kept prodding me along and drawing me closer to Himself in order to face the most important job in the world - that of telling the next generation of His mighty works.

This morning, I received two homemade cards from my children.  After I read them, nothing compared to what was written:

"I am so thankful I have a Mom like you.  Your walk with God is extremely inspiring....You are one of the most godly people I know."

I was humbled.  I still am while re-reading it all. 

They have been listening. 

Most importantly, they have been watching.

Today I have chewed on this path of Motherhood the Lord has given to me.  I can see that those years of waiting to have children were because the Lord had to get me to certain points in my own life. I had to grow up more in the Lord before I could grow my children up to know Him better.

Believe me, I fail every day.  I do not always have the right answers.  Sometimes I am so tired at the end of the day from teaching that my own children do not get very much out of me.

However, my heart's desire has been to show them God's wondrous and glorious works and how He is there in my life.  That even though I may not always be there for them, there is Someone Who is ALWAYS there - their Heavenly Father.

And THAT is why I am a Mother.... 

The Triple "S" Threat

"The Triple S Threat."

No, I am not talking about a local High School.

I am not talking about someone's wrestling name.

I am talking about the Triple Threat of  "Saved, Satisfied, and Sitting."

When I was in my younger years and I attended Vacation Bible School at my church, a precious saint - Mrs. Lela Pleasants - spoke these words to our class:  "I was saved, satisfied and sitting!" 

You see, Mrs. Lela was showing us that she realized that she was saved from hell, satisfied with that knowledge, and sitting around living her life as she pleased.  She was teaching us that she learned from that and chose to stop that threat.

Now that I am older and have lived some of this life here on earth, I have chewed on those words and can now look back on my life and see how I was doing just the same.

On April 9, 1979 I accepted Christ as my Savior.  I got "saved."  Like a lot of people, I battled the security of "really meaning what I said" on that day and struggled with that for years. Thankfully, I can look back now and see God's grace shining all over those moments. 

Once I got into the way of living the life of an American Christian, it became a satisfied life.  I knew I was saved and all was well.  I would go to church and live life grandly in each day that came.  Satisfaction meant that nothing really bad could happen and all would be well.  Kind of like that Prosperity Gospel that is out in the world today.

Then, I began to sit.  I began to just live my life without really spending a lot of time with the Lord or ever "getting up" and telling the Gospel to others.  Sure, I shared it with friends in college and "stood up" for my beliefs, but when the rubber met the road, I am not sure I was really as strong as I thought in my pride.

In fact, I KNOW I wasn't as strong as I thought.

It is easy to say a lot of things.  It is easy to have the "right" Christian words and make others think you have achieved what you actually haven't.  However, I can remember quoting things I had heard from others and thinking to myself "Do I really believe that?!"

For years I can see that, even though I was saved, I lived on the coattails of those before me and quoted what THEY said instead of seeking the Lord myself.

I was caught up in the rules of it all.  I was caught up in the externals of "if I look good, act good, and am good -  then I am good."  Little did I realize that the saved, satisfied and sitting heart is a heart that is not for the Lord - but for the view of men.

What is so dangerous is that I did not think I was "saved, satisfied, and sitting."  I thought I was being the kind of Christian that would light the world for God! 

I thought that spending some time at church was good enough.

I thought that working at church was good enough.

I thought reading a couple of verses throughout the week was good enough.

I thought praying every once in a while was good enough.

I thought that helping others how to live a good life was good enough.

I thought being satisfied with where I was in life was good enough.

Then the Lord began to use another type of "Triple S" on me:

Showing, Shaking, Stretching

Little by little, the Lord began to use things and events in my life to SHOW me that some of my beliefs were wrong.  Not beliefs of the truth of His Word, but beliefs I had from my younger years that I clung to and thought they were the "Gospel", when, in fact, they were not.

The Lord showed me that I was a sinner saved by grace and had no cause to think I was better than anyone else.  He has helped me understand His grace at a more personal level.  He has shown me that we are all a work in progress.

He showed me that some of those words I had quoted all of those years may or may not have been from Scripture but from man's twisted view of Scripture.

He showed me I needed Him... and Him alone... to guide my path.

Then, the Lord began to SHAKE me.

And, oh, how He shook me!!  He shook me to my core and then some.  Every false thing I thought was truth He brought into the Light of His Presence and they crumbled before His feet.  Just like those strong walls of Jericho, the Lord used things and circumstances in His timing to cause my wall of self-righteousness to come crashing down so that He could take over my spiritual, self-righteous land.  He shook me out of myself. 

And He is still shaking me to this day.

He then began to remake me into what He wanted me to be, think, and do.

Since the shaking, the Lord has been STRETCHING me.

Wow - I never knew how much stretching can hurt but feel good at the same time!  He has brought me into a relationship with Him that is constantly exercising my spiritual muscles.  The stretching has broadened my horizons, taught me much about the Lord, and helped me realize even more that I must depend on Him for everything.

He has drawn me to read His Word hungrily and soak it all in.

He has stretched me into reading Christian living books by Philip Yancey, Paul David Tripp, Cherie Hill, and other Christian authors.

He has stretched this visual learner into excitedly hearing sermons online!  (That is HUGE if you realized just how ADD I can be and how much of a visual learner I really am!)

Recently, the Lord has stretched my whole family into stepping out in faith and serving Him in a new church.  That was a hard stretch for this girl who had been going to the same church for almost 45 years.  But the Lord knew it was time for more stretching.  More trusting.  More growing.

In that showing, shaking, and stretching I have seen my relationship with my Savior come alive in ways I never realized. 

I have watched my marriage become stronger. 

I have seen how the Lord used my shaking to guide me in ways to help our teenagers. 

I have seen the old Kellie pass away.  I am not the girl I once was.... thank the Lord!



Do I still struggle from time to time with the "saved, satisfied, and sitting" threat? 

Sure.  I think we all do because of that earthly threat - our SINFUL nature.

However, I can confidently say that when I get back to the SON I am back on track of His showing, shaking and stretching.

So what about you?

First of all - are you SAVED?  Do you know Christ as your Savior?  Have you ever accepted His eternal gift of salvation that cannot be earned?  If not, find someone who can lead you to the One Who can!

If you are saved, are you just satisfied and sitting? 

Life on this earth was not meant to be satisfying - this world is not our home.  Allow the Lord to give you stronger spiritual muscles through His showing, shaking, and stretching.

You will be spiritually healthier for it.

Disappointed with God

Let's be honest here.

How many of you can say you have been disappointed with God?

Really, be honest.

I know for a fact I would have said I was disappointed with God some years ago.  There were battles in my life for which I felt God had left me and I didn't understand WHY in the world I was having to face some of the things I faced.

Recently, the Lord has led me to read this book:

I actually have had it on my Kindle for some time, but I just never got to it because of where the Lord led me next in my reading.  He called out to me for this one.

Funny thing, I did not feel disappointed with God at this time so I wasn't sure why I needed it now.

I just love how God works. :)

This past week as I was teaching, the Lord gave me a different perspective into something I have taught for years.  In fact, as I was teaching it I had a pause in my heart that I wanted to just sit and think over the passage He was showing me, but when you have 20 faces looking at you to finish, you just keep going! :)

I have been teaching on Christ's life in the last couple of weeks to prepare the children's hearts for Easter and what Christ did for us on the cross.

On this particular day I was teaching from Luke 8 where Jesus had been asked by Jairus to come and heal his daughter who was near death.  Jesus had just come from across the Sea of Galilee where He had calmed the storm for His disciples, healed the Gadarene demoniac, and had now come back to the other side where a huge crowd of people were there waiting for Him.  In this crowd was Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, who fell at Jesus' feet and asked Him to please come heal his daughter - his only daughter.

Jesus began to walk with Jairus.  As He walked, the people crowded around Him more - and then a woman touched Him.  

Now, if you have ever been in a crowd, you know that is not something unusual.  In fact, when Jesus turned to ask who it was that touched Him, His disciples were confused and even asked Him why He would ask that when people were surrounding Him?  What they didn't realize is that Jesus knew that woman had been healed of her blood disease she had faced for 12 years.  He knew her faith in Him had healed her and He wanted to test her to see if she would indeed come forward.  

As all of this is taking place, and Jesus is telling the woman to "be of good comfort: your faith has made you whole; go in peace," one of the servant's from Jairus' house came towards him and told him not to trouble the Master  - the girl was dead.

His only daughter was dead.

He had run to find Jesus.  He had fallen at His feet.  Jesus was coming with Him.

But then the woman touched Him and He stopped.

Jesus stopped.  Jesus didn't heal that girl before she died.  

It is at this moment in my teaching that I wanted so badly to pause.  I began to put myself in Jairus' shoes.

I am sure at this moment, Jairus was DISAPPOINTED in God.

His hopes were dashed while this woman nearby was made whole just by touching Jesus' tunic.

This woman received what Jairus had hoped his daughter would receive.  

Now his daughter was dead.

Let's dwell in this moment for a minute.  

Are you Jairus right now?  Is there something in your life that has needed healing and God has been "too late?"  Have you been disappointed with God in your:

Finances. 

Marriage.

Job.

Children.

Home.

Life.

I can relate.  I have been there.  I have been with friends who have been there.  In our limited view, we ALL have been there.  

My children had Isaiah 55:8 as their memory verse this week.  How fitting that the Lord drew all of that together for me:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, my ways, saith the Lord."

At that moment as Jairus felt the pain of disappointment with God, he didn't realize what he thought was not what Jesus thought.  Jesus, God the Son, had a different plan.  None of this happened without His foreknowledge.  He had a purpose in the pain.

As soon as Jesus heard Jairus' daughter was dead, he told Jairus "Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole."

Jairus had to hang on to those words.  He had to learn to trust even though he had NO idea how she would be made whole.

A few verses later we see where Jesus, along with Peter, James, John, and the girls' parents, went into the house and Jesus took that girl by the hand and said, "Maid, arise."  That girl immediately stood up and had the breath of life in her.  Jesus then told them to get her something to eat.  This girl was not just some figment of their imagination or a ghost.  She was a living, breathing human being who needed food.

"Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole."

How can you apply that to your life today?   How can you take the truths of Jesus and realize that even though things are not happening as fast or didn't happen the way you wanted, God knows something you do not.

"Fear not: believe only, and your finances will be made whole."

"Fear not: believe only, and your marriage will be made whole."

"Fear not: believe only, and your job will be made whole."

"Fear not: believe only, and your children will be made whole."

"Fear not: believe only, and your home will be made whole."

"Fear not: believe only, and your life will be made whole."

You may be thinking, "That's easy for you to type.  You aren't living my life."

You are right.  I do not know what you are facing and it is easy for me to sit here typing these words when I am not facing what you are facing.

However, I know Who has faced even more than you have faced.

This same Jesus that healed Jairus' daughter soon faced a hardship He desired to pass up.  In the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before what we know as "Good Friday," He even prayed to His Father, with so much stress upon Him that blood mingled with the sweat as He prayed.  He wanted the "cup to pass from Him" - in His humanity He knew that what horrific pain He was about to face.  

Without being disrespectful to my Savior, may I say Jesus was, at that moment of anguish, disappointed with His Father?  When He was on the cross and His Father turned His back on Him and Jesus cried "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me!?" was there disappointment?  

Yet, as Jesus spoke it in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Not MY will, but Yours be done."

Jesus chose not to fear.  He chose to take the sins of you and me when He was innocent.  He chose to go to a gruesome beating and horrific death so that we need not FEAR or be disappointed.

Yes, we can trust Him when our finances are a mess, our marriages are in a shamble, our jobs are overwhelming, our children are wayward, our home is being destroyed and our life is feeling as if we are at the end of our ropes.  

Why?

Because Jesus took our disappointment with Him to the cross and it was nailed there.  God came down to us in the form of His Son, and took a punishment that is beyond anything we will ever face on this earth.  

In those moments of hardships, God is taking us from childlike faith, to faith of fidelity.  Faith that believes even in the midst of being disappointed.  Faith that comes through the fire stronger than anything there would have been if the disappointing time had not come.

Disappointment is a normal human reaction.  

Just don't let it be the place in which you dwell.  God's timing is not our own.  Turn the disappointment into a stronger faith in the One Who has faced more than we will ever imagine.

Instead of dwelling on it, take "DIS" off of the word.  

See all things as an APPOINTMENT for God to do a great work and strengthen your faith in Him alone.

Amazon NOW

I love Amazon.

 

I love Amazon Prime.  I have had it almost a year and it is quite exciting to know I can order something from the comfort of my own home and it comes to me with free shipping in two days.

 

Now they have Amazon NOW.  You can order something from the comfort of your own home and within a couple of hours, it greets you at your door!  I haven't tried it yet, but I know of some who have and they really like it.  Who wouldn't!?  Talk about instant gratification and satisfaction!

 

 

That takes me to the topic of this blog post.  As I logged on to begin writing, I found that I actually began this post over a month ago, but the Lord never gave me the green light to begin.

He made me WAIT.

The above picture was taken in Williamsburg last year.  Williamsburg is an opportunity for us to go back in time and see how things used to be.  This farmer had to plow his field - and it was a slow process with a horse and plow.  Then, he had to go fetch his water, place it in a bucket in order for it to be waiting for him at the end of that row. 

In other words - nothing happened fast.

I have begun thinking hard on Amazon NOW.  I am not opposed to it nor am I saying it is ridiculous because I am like the next person - if I can get something quicker and easier, then I am all for it.

However, what if that is part of the process of learning in life?  What if I am missing out on something "out there" that God has planned for me because I want to save some time and have it all NOW.

What if the continual instant gratification that occurs in our world (we have seen it increase greatly over the last years) causes me to transfer this to my walk with the Lord?  What if I begin to think even more of my prayers to God as "God, I really want my answer NOW."  or... demand "God NOW!"

I think the Lord had me WAIT on writing this post because He was continually teaching me to wait on Him for my words.  Wait on Him for wisdom.

Just WAIT.

In my Bible reading, I spent some time in Psalm 27.

The last verse has stayed with me:  Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

If you read God's Word carefully you see that oftentimes God made people WAIT more than He allowed their prayers to be answered quickly.

Abraham and Sarah waited for a child.  God didn't answer the prayer until Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90.

Isaac and Rebekah had to wait for children of their own - in fact, Isaac was around 60 years old when Jacob and Esau were born.

Joseph had to wait many years in slavery and a prison before God revealed His purpose and plan.  I am sure Joseph prayed a lot to the Lord while in prison and asked to be set free as he was in prison unfairly.  God made him wait.

The Jews waited in silence for 400 years between the Old and New Testaments before Jesus came as Emmanuel.

We still wait today for Christ's return.

Unfortunately, in our Age of Grace, the waiting becomes something we may talk about with others but never fully desire to do. 

From recent personal experience, Steve and I have both been sick with pneumonia/bronchitis and Steve even got the shingles.  It would have been nice to say they were done and we were healed in a few days.  For me it has taken a good five weeks to feel better.  For Steve, he is still in the waiting game.  There were days when he and I have both been so tired of feeling badly and were "weary in the waiting."  And what we experienced has been nothing compared to others who have faced terminal illness or a physical illness that has taken much longer!

I know waiting can be hard. 

I know waiting can be overwhelming and unpleasant.

Sometimes waiting feels as if God is silent and not really there.

The Psalms are full of experiences where the person writing felt the waiting was where God was silent. The waiting was just too hard.

Instead of viewing the waiting only negatively, we must see the waiting and "silence" as God's time of transforming us into what He knows we need when He does reveal the package He wants to deliver for our lives.

I have read a quote previously and I will paraphrase it here as I do not remember it exactly:

"When God is silent, remember the teacher is always silent during a test."

As a teacher, I can totally understand that.  As a teacher, I know how making a student "wait" is beneficial and teaches much!

Here is what the test of waiting from the Lord may look like:

In waiting we are taught valuable lessons by what is placed before us.  Lessons we never would have learned if we had not been in the waiting.

In waiting we learn how to depend more on the Lord.

In waiting we learn not to make a rash decision, but instead lean on the Lord for His understanding.

In waiting we learn to become more like Christ and less of our own self.

In waiting we learn perseverance.

In waiting we learn trust in the only One Who can give us the best for our lives.



It's good to wait.

It's good when the package doesn't arrive in two days - or two hours.

What has been learned and experienced in the meantime as we wait gives eternal gratification and satisfaction.

Welcome the wait.

Psalm 62:5

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

A Lesson From a Cat

If anyone knows me well, they understand my love for cats.

I have always loved cats - from my youth going down to our dairy barn and playing with the tons of cats that helped with the mice population, to having our own at the house, I cannot remember a time when I have not had a cat.  When Steve and I were married I wanted a cat and he was not keen on the idea - but within two weeks of our marriage he so sweetly "gave in" and we got our first cat, Freckles.  I sucked him in to the love of cats.  (He will be the first to say that he is not as big of a fan as I am but does love them...)  

I could be the Crazy Cat Lady.

So what lesson have I learned from a CAT?

Meet Macy - our supposedly outdoor cat that should eat mice but instead rushes inside as much as possible to enjoy being with our family and eat all of the indoor cat food so that she is pleasingly plump.  She might catch a mouse if it came right in front of her and laid down.

For some time now, Macy has had a fascination with our attic.  The pull-down is in the garage and anytime we have down the ladder she takes it upon herself to run up the rungs and see what adventures await her there.  In fact, any time she has goes missing we have learned to check the attic first.  It just "pulls" her for some reason.

This past Saturday, the same thing happened.  Wesley had been putting some things from the garage up in the attic.  When he came down to grab something else, he saw Macy fly up the rungs of the ladder to the attic where her curiosity could be fulfilled.  Macy is taken care of and loved greatly by us so why she thought the attic was such a great place was beyond us. 

When Macy heard Wesley come up the ladder she knew she was about to be caught so she shot to the right where we have a lot of our stuff stored.  He tried to get her by snapping his fingers and calling her.  He saw her in an opening between "stuff" and she just looked at him and began to go further away from him.  He had to go down and get a few more things so he figured she would come down soon. 

She didn't.

When he came back up he saw that she had not only continued her wayward path, but had chosen to go to the "wrong side" of the attic - the place where there is no plywood on which to walk and all you see is insulation.  It is a tricky place because one wrong move and you can go through the ceiling into the house.  As he looked, she jumped from one place to another until she actually became trapped between the area where the slope of the roof meets the house.  This place was not ideal.  It was dark, not a lot of room for her fat self, and had nails protruding through it from the shingles. 

In other words - she was stuck.

I was in the office and kept hearing a lot of scratching noises and movement in the attic.  I just figured Wesley was doing some cleaning out up there, too.  Little did I realize how my guy was on a rescue mission. 

Shortly thereafter, Steve got home and Wesley was telling him the problem.  We all went up to see how we could help.  Steve was concerned that we would have to cut away some of the wood in order to actually get her.  But what I observed in my son was very touching to me.

Instead of give up, Wesley precariously perched along main beams to rescue this cat.  (I realize she is just a cat!!)  He kept coaxing her and trying to calm her because by this time she was pretty frantic in her realization that she was stuck.  He kept reaching down to grab her so that she could be free.   He stayed with it until finally he was able to get a hold of her.  After a few attempts he finally was able to free her from her "trap" and held on to her tightly.  What was so sweet is that she held on to him tightly as well.  He had a hard time getting his balance from his position, but he finally was able to stand up and gingerly walk to one of the main beams of the attic to walk to me.  I then took her and brought her down the steps and into the house.

What lesson was learned from this silly cat, you might ask?

Macy is a picture of you and me. 

We have all we need in the Lord but our curiosity beckons us to get up in the attic of sin.  We sometimes see sin as the area of freedom and excitement.  We just think it is so much better to do our own thing. 

Just as Wesley was calling for Macy when she first went up to the attic, so does the Lord beckon to us when we begin to go astray.  He lovingly calls for us but we choose to turn and go further into the sin.  We think all is fun for a time - but then we get caught in a spot of that sin that isn't so grand.  We become like Macy and get stuck in a dark hole that has piercing nails sticking through it.  There is no way out - or so we think.

Then, as Wesley went to great lengths to get to where Macy was trapped, so does the Lord come to us when we are trapped in sin.  He is there, calmly calling us to Him. 

He is trying to rescue us. 

He is our Redeemer. 

He is our Savior.

We insist on handling it our way whether by "religion" or by other plans and begin to get more trapped in the darkness.  Finally, just as Macy had to learn to give up the fight against Wesley's loving hands, we give out of strength and allow the Lord's loving hands to guide us back to the safety of His arms. 

It is there we learn to cling to Him - and realize He loves us enough to save us from our sins.

As I stood up in that attic and watched that event take place I began to formulate this blog post.  It was such a picture of what Christ does for me and I was in awe of the love of my Savior.  I can look back on my life and see times where I chose my own path and it was just like Macy and our attic.  I thought I knew best.  I thought it was good to do what I wanted instead of run back to the Lord.  He had taken care of me lovingly but I chose to ignore it because the pull of sin was more enticing. Through all of it, the Lord of the Universe was there calling to me - (who is just a human!!)  Because of what He went through on the Cross of Calvary and how He defeated death, He lovingly was there as my Redeemer and he reached down to save me from my sin.  He stayed with me until I learned to let go of my sin and let Him pull me from my darkness.  I learned through that love how to cling to Him beyond anything I have ever known.

I am not sure I will ever be able to go back to the attic without reliving that moment and having a new appreciation for what the Lord showed me that day.  What a beautiful picture of His redeeming love.

And the Lord used a small part of His creation to show me such a powerful lesson  - a lesson from a cat.

Looking Back to Look Forward

I took time to muse over this past year's events before I began writing this post.  I even went back to my first post of 2015 and was in awe of what the Lord had me write there - please take a moment to read the following link before you continue with this last post of 2015 as it will help you understand a little more of what I write below:  A New Year, Trees, and Cross-Stitch


This was my new ornament for the Christmas tree this year and it spoke volumes.  It was so perfect for the year the Lord gave me in 2015.  Every season of life certainly tells a new story.  Whether we embrace what the Lord is doing or not, is up to us.  I learned to embrace the "stories" the Lord gave me this year.  Let me explain.

As I began 2015, I "hoped" the year would be a great one.  I prayed that the year would be less dramatic than the previous two had been.  We had experienced a lot of deaths and struggles in our families and I just wanted the Lord to allow things to be a bit "calmer" for a time.

But that was not HIS plan. 

He had me write in that first blog post in January 2015 about being willing to be a tree planted by the waters that would bring forth fruit in its season and would not wither.   I was that tree that was planted - little did I realize how He would force me to grow some fruit and not wither!!  I also can now look back on the cross-stitch pattern of my year and see the colors unfold in ways I could never have imagined in January 2015.  In fact, just recently He allowed one or two spaces of my year to be filled in that had been blank for some time.

I had many personal battles this year.  Most of which many people would never have known.  And that is just fine - because it is not for everyone to know the secret things of the Lord. 

He was pruning my tree and it hurt.  He was creating new life in me that would bring forth new leaves and, at the times I went through each growing season, I could not see their newness until later.  He was decorating the needlework pattern of my life with vivid colors that would stand out in glory to Him.

While the pruning hurt - and sometimes cut very deeply - I can honestly say right now that I am so thankful for what He did in my life this year.  As I look to 2016 the Lord has given me truths from Him of which I will carry into the new year.  These truths are from what He allowed in my life in 2015. 

I have just begun a four week mini Bible study and am enjoying it thus far.  I have already learned much in the few days I have been doing it.  I will be the first to admit that I was bucking the Lord a bit when He kept directing me to do this certain study.  I wanted to "go big" and get into another Bible study I had found - and that one will come this year, Lord willing.  BUT - the Lord kept putting this one in front of me.  What helped me finally stop bucking the Lord was what I read in Amy Carmichael's book Candles in the Dark:

"But go on hoping.  Again and again when I had all but lost hope I used to go to the God of Hope and ask for the gift of hope.  Never be shaken in hope.  Never be cooled in love.  Never get tired of loving and hoping - yes, and believing."

Do you see a reoccurring word in her writings there?

HOPE.

The mini Bible study the Lord led me to was just simply: Hope by Heather Bixler

As I began the Bible study, the Lord put together 2015 in a nutshell in this way from Romans 5:2-5

² Through [Jesus] we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 

⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I wrote this down in my Bible study journal: 

"Hope comes from having gone through trials."

suffering - perseverance - character - HOPE

God loves me so much He chooses to allow suffering to bring me to Him.  I can boldly say at the end of 2015 that my suffering through the year has taught me to persevere - there were days when I did not want to do so.  I wanted to give up.  But the Lord gave me the strength to continue and in doing so He built up my character in ways I never would have imagined.  Now my HOPE is in the Lord more strongly and deeper.  For that I am grateful.

In this Hope there are treasures that cannot be taken from me. As Proverbs 24:14 states - when wisdom is found it is a reward and my hope will not be cut off!  I have gained much wisdom in the Lord.  I have gained a closer relationship with Him through it all.  Those treasures are the ones that moth and rust cannot destroy or thieves cannot steal. 

Another verse that has become precious to me as of late is Hebrews 6:19a:

 
¹⁹ Which hope [in the Lord] we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast,

The Lord is the Anchor of my soul and I will rejoice.  He is sure and steadfast - and has proven that time and time again this year.  I found an anchor charm for my bracelet and I bought it for this verse alone - to remind me that my hope is in the Lord in whatever way my future lies before me.  

If I had gone through 2015 with an easier time as I had "hoped" in January, I would not have come out with knowing my Anchor of Hope is secure in the Lord.  I praise Him for what He has done in the year 2015.

I now look towards 2016 with a HOPE that I never fully understood as deeply as I do now.

The Lord is already there.  He's got 2016 in His hands and I am safe within.

To Ponder

PONDER.

It isn't a word we use much in our every day language nowadays.  Instead I find that we are more apt to use the word "think."

While thinking and pondering give us the same thoughts of taking time to actively THINK on something, I am finding that the word ponder goes a bit deeper.

When I researched the difference between THINK and PONDER, I found that the word THINK had over twenty-five different ways of using it, while PONDER only had two main definitions:

verb (used without object)

1. to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate (often followed by over or upon).

verb (used with object)

2. to weigh carefully in the mind; consider thoughtfully:

While I realize thinking is required, ponder takes thinking to a whole new level!

Here is a thought - one can think on something while actually not giving it as much thought as one might think.  (Fun sentence right there!)

Take time to look over that last sentence.  Understand the truths that are there. 

That is why I am writing this post and taking the time to "teach" the difference between those two words. In fact, it has taken me a few days to ponder and ask the Lord what to write!

This figurine was my grandmother's and it sits on our mantle each year at Christmas.

The Lord has caused me to PONDER more recently over Christmas and I wanted to encourage you all to do the same.  I know how insanely busy my life has been of late and I honestly believe that is not what God intended for us.  I think it is a tool Satan likes to use so that we do not have time to truly ponder the things of the Lord.  When our attention is on other things, and not that they are all bad, it still can cause us to lose sight of the One in which we should ponder on daily.

Each year I teach the "Christmas Story" - the birth of Christ.  I find that when I teach things each year, the Lord brings out something new on which I learn more from His Word.  This year is no different.

I have come to love Luke 2:19 ~

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.

As a mother, I can understand Mary's desire to treasure all that was happening and to think on that glorious time in her life.  There are a lot of memories that a mother holds dear to her heart.

However, her beginnings as a Mother was like no other.  Mary already knew that Who she held in her arms was a miracle in more ways than we would ever understand.

This is where I want us to stop, be still.... and PONDER.

Because the Christmas Story is given so much and many of us know Luke 2:1-11 by heart, I feel we become complacent in the wonder of it all.

Ponder these thoughts with me:

Mary never once doubted the Lord's plan.  As a 13-15 year old, she may not have understood how it would happen since she was not living with Joseph yet, but she still trusted His plan!  How many times have I doubted God in my adulthood!!

God sent His Son, in the form of a baby, to become one of us.  (Read that again...let it really sink in...)  He was still fully God and was fully Man, yet without sin!

Jesus left His heavenly throne to be with those He came to save.  And by being with us, He became flesh and dwelt among us.  He suffered as we suffer.  He felt as we feel.  He experienced life with us so that we could be comforted in knowing He DOES know how we feel.  In my Bible studying I am learning so much more of how Christ lived and it has caused me to realize that truly everything I face, He has already faced when He was here among us - Emmanuel.

In the fullness of time - Christ was born. (Galatians 4)  In. The. Fullness. of. Time. 
How many times do I wish for things to go on MY time table?  What a wonderful thing to ponder - that everything will happen in the time it should!  God's timing is perfect! God may seem silent at times but through the silence He is teaching us to be still and listen for His still, small voice. 

The shepherds were the first to come to see Jesus.  Stinky, smelly shepherds who had just left their sheep had the privilege of bowing first before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  If Christ had been born in a palace they never would have reached the outer gate.  In a way, we romanticize the life of a shepherd and how we portray them in our nativity scenes, but the truth of the matter is that they were considered some of the lowest of low in their society.  They worked with animals - they did not smell very nicely and their clothes were not the latest fashion.  However, they were still that night because they had to be - they were watching out for those precious sheep.  Many of those sheep were used for sacrifices for the people.  How fitting that Jesus, Who the Bible clearly states is OUR Shepherd, would be first visited by the same.  And then one day He became our sacrifice as the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.  What a beautiful picture - think on that a minute.

Mary needed a Savior too.  At times it seems Mary can be elevated to a higher status than needed.  She was the instrument God used to send His Son - but she also knew she needed Him to be HER Savior.  She was a sinner just like me. 

When the shepherds left, Mary pondered all those things she had seen and heard.  Could she have pondered on more things - probably.  We mothers like to think on our children's births and relive them over and over.  It is such a precious time.  Just eight days later it would be told to her at the Temple through Simeon that Jesus would cause the rising and falling of many in Israel that hearts may be revealed - and a sword will pierce her heart also.  

I have no way of knowing whether Mary understood the implications of that foretelling.  However, we do know that she was there when Jesus was put on the cross.  Was she at the foot of that cross, looking up at her precious Son, Who was also her Savior, and remembering all she pondered that night some 34 years before when the Miracle before her was born?  As a mother, I think she was.  The sword was piercing her heart at that moment. 

But the sword could not pierce her heart forever because Christ did not stay on that cross.  He did not stay in that tomb.  He arose!

The full meaning of Christmas is full circle - Jesus was born to die for a world lost in sin.  He came for ALL. 

Are you in awe of that this Christmas - or any day of the year?  Do you take the time to truly ponder the miracle of Christmas? 

Be careful not to let the fun of the Christmas festivities crowd your mind so that the true meaning of Christmas is left behind.

Take time to ponder.