Why, yes, you are correct. But it goes beyond that.
Stay with me....
The road to Motherhood was a hard one for me...as it is for many women.
Steve and I battled infertility for four years.
I was angry for a long time when everyone around me was having children and I was not.
I was bitter when asked the question, "When are you going to have kids?"
Mother's Day was not fun for me.
It was during those years that I felt like God had abandoned me and didn't care that I wanted children.
What I didn't realize, and am still realizing to this very day, is that God's purpose and plan was greater than my own. My own faith needed strengthening.
He made me a Mother in July of 1999 and I gave birth to my sweet twin babies on April 1, 2000.
Life hasn't been the same since.
I could tell you the typical reasons why I am a Mother. We hear about them all of the time on Mother's Day - and live it daily.
I am not here to pat myself on the back. It is quite the opposite - I am even more humbled and in awe of the Lord's grace and mercy in my life.
You see, this weekend in my readings and Bible time, the Lord showed me more strongly the reason I am a Mother - and why I never want to take this job lightly.
Yesterday the Lord revealed Psalm 145 to me in a new light. He purposely gave me one verse in particular that was used by the author I was reading.
Psalm 145: 4 - One generation shall praise your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.
When I first became a Mom I went through the motions of teaching my children about the Lord.
We went to church regularly and read them Bible stories. We taught them rules and manners.
Then the Lord began to teach ME how to really be a Mother.
He began to show me that all I thought was correct in rearing my children was the exact opposite of what He desired. Not that what I did with rules, etc... was bad - it was just the heart of it all was for outward behavior and not a deep inward change.
When the Lord began to change me further and deeper, He created a love in me for Him that could not be quenched. I began to understand what that relationship with Him was supposed to look like and how I wanted the same with my own children. He began to help me realize how He designed a Mother.
I started to understand that my purpose as a Mother was to praise Him and declare Him to my own children.
And the way I would do that would be leading through example.
It is easy to have rules. It is easy to say "Do what I say, not what I do!"
But the fact is - your children become what they see you DOING and LIVING right in front of them.
The Lord began to show me I could not change my children's hearts - only He could do that.
He then began to show me that I needed to go to HIM in order to get to THEM.
The consistent change in me came from His still, small voice reminding me He never gave up on me. He never stayed mad at me. He never used cold and callous words with me. He never rejected me.
He loved me unconditionally.
No matter what I did - or didn't do.
Let me just say that even in the last week the Lord has continued to show me those facts!
Because of all He taught ME in my walk with Him allowed me to reciprocate with my own children.
There have been many days (and I am sure there will still be plenty more!) where I have felt like a failure at this Mother job. I wasn't sure if they were even listening. I began to think I should give up.
But the Lord kept prodding me along and drawing me closer to Himself in order to face the most important job in the world - that of telling the next generation of His mighty works.
This morning, I received two homemade cards from my children. After I read them, nothing compared to what was written:
"I am so thankful I have a Mom like you. Your walk with God is extremely inspiring....You are one of the most godly people I know."
I was humbled. I still am while re-reading it all.
They have been listening.
Most importantly, they have been watching.
Today I have chewed on this path of Motherhood the Lord has given to me. I can see that those years of waiting to have children were because the Lord had to get me to certain points in my own life. I had to grow up more in the Lord before I could grow my children up to know Him better.
Believe me, I fail every day. I do not always have the right answers. Sometimes I am so tired at the end of the day from teaching that my own children do not get very much out of me.
However, my heart's desire has been to show them God's wondrous and glorious works and how He is there in my life. That even though I may not always be there for them, there is Someone Who is ALWAYS there - their Heavenly Father.
And THAT is why I am a Mother....
No comments:
Post a Comment