Broken to Be Strengthened

It would be fair to say that no person likes being broken. Brokenness causes one to feel weak and vulnerable. It can make one feel out of control.

For the last couple of years, I have felt that brokenness has become as much a part of life as breathing. I have watched others suffer through broken dreams, health, or life in general. Our world has felt broken throughout the pandemic and the lack of community we have had to face. Personally, I have experienced a brokenness that I never fully grasped until I held my Daddy's hand as he slipped from this world, leaving his own broken body to become whole again in the hands of His Savior. I know I am not alone in that feeling...so many people I know have walked this same path in the last eighteen months.

For a time after the last school year and my Daddy's home going, I could only see the brokenness of my heart. I kept searching for Scripture to help me through it. I found some beautiful passages that stood out to me during that time:

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 61:1 -The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

While they were so beautiful, and ones to which I clung, what was interesting to me is that these Scriptures were the only ones I found that specifically spoke about the brokenhearted. At that point, I was so consumed in my broken heart that I was frustrated with the Lord for not having more verses referring to "brokenhearted" in Scripture. 

It was then that the Lord used a good friend to begin showing me why. 

A month to the day after my Daddy's passing was a hard one. School was now over and I had more time on my hands. The finality of his home-going was sinking in and I was crumbling as I had more time to be consumed with my broken heart. I wanted to stay in the broken pieces that had become my life. I was supposed to visit my friend that day but did not want to go. I had to make myself get in the vehicle and go see her. The Lord knew how much I needed her on that specific day and it still amazes me of His timing. This time to spend with her had been scheduled for a long while.

As I sat with her, falling apart on the inside and showing my brokenness on the outside, she so gently reminded me that I was trying to be strong on my own. Of course I was broken! I had just walked through a tough school year and the passing of my Daddy. But I needed to stop looking at the brokenness and see the strength of the Lord that had gotten me through it all. She reminded me I needed to rest physically and also REST in the Lord. 

This picture was one I had taken for a devotion years ago. I used my Daddy's hands because I always loved his hands and how strong they were. They were a common connection with anyone who met him because his hands could grip you so tightly you KNEW you had shaken his hand! He had been a dairy farmer for over 40 years so his hands were tough. He held that strength, even through his years of sickness and in hospice, until a day or so before he passed away. I held his hand as long as I was able throughout his last days. I clung to his strength. I was not quite sure what to do with myself when the strength left his hands and he was gone. 

When looking at this picture after Daddy's home-going, all I could see were the broken pieces in his hands. After my friend so gently reminded me it was not for me to be strong right now in my brokenness, but to let the Lord be my strength, I began to view this picture again for what I had originally desired to convey over a decade ago. I had missed out on the most important part - my Daddy's loving hands were holding the brokenness! Those pieces are resting in his hands.

The Lord used my earthly Daddy's hands to remind me of my Heavenly Abba Father's hands. The Lord was holding me in all my brokenness. HE would be my strength when I was falling apart. HE would be the One to hold me and allow my broken heart to rest in His strength and not my own. 

It was then that the Lord gently reminded me how many times the word "strength"is found in Scripture that deals with HIS strength and not human strength. I had been blinded to it because of life's circumstances. The Lord showed me deeper that I was looking at my brokenness from the wrong point of view - my own. I was focused on the broken pieces instead of on the hands underneath the brokenness that were holding me and giving me strength to keep going.

What I have continued to learn through this is that the Lord views brokenness differently. He sees that broken is actually more beautiful and useful than in its original state because it is depending on something else to hold it in place. While the breaking is overwhelming and debilitating at times, the end result is a deeper understanding that He holds us and we must be strengthened by HIM alone. The Lord knows what it feels like to be broken - He was broken for you and me on the cross:

I Corinthians 11:24 - And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me.

I needed to remember He was broken for me so I can trust that He knows how to hold me.

After I began seeing the Lord's hands underneath my brokenness, the Lord began repeating this verse to my heart over the summer: 

The picture of Daddy's hands I took over a decade ago are able to be used again to show the Lord's truth. The hands of the Lord that are holding me will never lose their strength. I can always rest in them no matter how much my flesh or heart fail me because HE is my strength. 

Friend, how are you feeling right now? Are you only seeing the broken pieces? Are you struggling to find rest because the brokenness is overwhelming? Keep your eyes on the hands underneath your brokenness. They are what give you strength when your flesh and heart fail. They are forever. 

Rest in His strength.

Here is a song the Lord had me play on repeat over the summer. There is a bright side to being broken.