Little did I realize what the Lord would help me see this year of 2020 through my stitches.
First, let me explain a little bit about the "stitches" in cross-stitch and my love of it. I, personally, have been cross-stitching since before the age of ten. The cross-stitch I do is called counted cross-stitch. It means I have to count squares and find my center before I can figure out where to start. It means that each color has a different symbol and I have to make sure I count them correctly as I move forward in the pattern. These patterns are not like "paint-by-number" where the pattern is imprinted on the fabric. I have done many over the years and learned by my MANY mistakes on how to get better. It is something I truly love to do.
Every January I teach cross-stitching to my students in relation to our Colonial study in History. It is a great project that teaches many things for the children. One thing I always teach them as I begin it is that cross-stitching is like our lives. The Lord knows the finished product of who/what we will be and He fills in the stitches in His time. The back may look messy but the front always shows the true picture. Their project involves the fabric with a simple picture drawn on it and they learn the basics of the stitching.
I have still done some cross-stitching through the years, but life stepped in and helped me see that right then I did not have hours to sit and stitch. Cross-stitching had to be put aside to raise babies and juggle life. So when I started up cross-stitching again in 2011 I was pretty excited. However, life continued to roll forward and my time of stitching was hit and miss.
It was during January of this year, and the timing of when I teach my students how to do it, that I had an urge to break out mine again! And by break out again - I am meaning - break out what I had started in 2011 because, well.... I have been working on this SAME cross-stitch since June 2011. Little did I realize then that I would not be finished with this specific pattern by now. I did not truly understand what I was getting into when I began the thing. Since I have cross-stitched for so long I figured this was the same as always...
...BUT, this cross-stitch pattern was one like I have never tackled before, and I thought I had tackled some challenging ones! As soon as I began it I knew that this one would be different. Below is a picture of what it was as I began it in 2011. I did not get as far as one might think - especially compared to how I used to roll them out!
You may be "oohing and aaahing" at the bright colors, but let me help you understand something. Those reds and oranges? They are several different hues of the same color that are so closely matched that one would struggle to see the difference in color if it wasn't for some bright light.
Next up, the pattern itself. This pattern is 12 pages long. When I printed out this pattern in 2011 I was a bit shell-shocked and had to figure out where to begin. I also had to get material that had holes more closely knit together to allow me to have a finished product that would not cover my entire wall.
As I began, I found my center. I counted up and across and then I began the stitching. But I soon realized this was harder than anything I have ever done before.
I would get lost in the pattern.
I would struggle with how many times I had to change the colored thread.
I would see an area that only needed one stitch of a certain color as a PAIN to deal with and annoying at times.
I also struggled with the backside of it. I have always tried to be a neat stitcher. I have always tried to make the back look as "orderly" as possible. This is what this backing looks like:
I affectionately call that a "hot mess." I have to change the thread so often that the back looks more like a shag rug than a neat-rowed and orderly work of backside art.
There is so much changing of thread. There are so many parts of the pattern that requires me to really pay attention.
I could look at the pattern in small areas such as this:
This view of the pattern is actually more of a "happy place" in my pattern for me. Do you notice a lot of the symbols are the same in an area and that means I can carry on with the same color for a long time? This is kind of how my patterns in the past have been and I loved the control. I loved the feeling of having everything neat and tidy.
But look at this pictured part of the pattern.
I realize it is not a closeup, but it is the same view of above, but a larger portion of the pattern showing. Trust me, even if you cannot see it all, there are A LOT of symbols in that section. This is where "hot mess" comes into play. This is where the symbols are all over the place and you must stay close to the pattern and pay close attention to the detail or you will make a lot of mistakes in the picture being created.
Notice what happened to me in the following picture.... I was off by ONE stitch and had to take out most of that color I had been working on. That area was one of the easiest on which to pay attention to the pattern! I had gotten a little too comfortable in the pattern and it had to be corrected...and it was not fun to pull out all of those stitches and do it again.
But I did it.
Since I have spent a lot more time on this cross-stitch this year, I began viewing the uniqueness of this pattern differently and more positively.
I always knew from the start this pattern would be a challenge. The way the finished picture was shown when I ordered it in 2011 just took my breath away because it was so vibrant and full of life.
I am learning that if I take it a stitch at a time, I will begin to view the pattern coming alive before me instead of getting frustrated at what I cannot get done quickly.
I have learned since 2011 that I require reading glasses to help me see the stitches better than when I began.... and have even had to increase my strength to a higher level this year!
I still have to use a lot of light to help me see the pattern and material/thread better. I also have to focus more on what the pattern is telling me to do and not rush. When I rush through, I make more mistakes.
I have had to realize that my mistakes can be seen positively as a way to rework something that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. Sometimes the removing of the thread allows me to view that area of the pattern with more care. (This can even apply when your cat decides to chew the thread just made up for ONE stitch and then swallows the needle attached to it.....and has to have emergency surgery.)
I am seeing more and more that as my hands hold the fabric and maneuver the needle I am creating something that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle.
I have also begun seeing that the constant changing of colors is actually a positive thing. Even though it can be frustrating at times, when I see it through the "one stitch at a time" approach, as mentioned above, I am able to enjoy where I am for that stitch and then see how the other stitches come along soon to create the whole area of beauty. The different hues really do add more depth and richness to the completed work.
Can you see the hues and different shades in the following pictures?
Now, you may be thinking - "Thanks, Kellie - great job explaining how you cross-stitch, but how is this seeing 2020? How is this pertinent to someone who really does not care about cross-stitch?"
Well, please stay with me. I pray from point forward in my writing that the Lord will use this to see how all of this compares to 2020.
This next picture is a close-up of the previous backside picture from above. This picture seems to capture 2020 for me - a chaotic "hot mess" with no organization or neatness. This year has been hard for everyone. I have personally felt that the backside of my cross-stitch has become reality and my true picture is no more. What has always been normal will never be normal again. I do not think it an accident that I decided THIS year to start diving more into this specific cross-stitch again.
Here is how the Lord has been helping me see 2020 through the stitches.
I do not think anyone ever thought 2020 would THIS kind of a challenge. The way I finished 2019, I was looking forward to new beginnings and thinking of all the Lord would show me through the year. If you have read my blog long enough you saw that I wrote a blog about "shedding old wool" at the end of 2019. At the time, I thought I had shed plenty, but it seems this year has revealed I had a lot more to shed.....well, more like, rip out! (If you want to read or reread that post, it is here.) I am all for a challenge and learning new things like this cross-stitch pattern above, but, wow.... this year takes that to a whole new level. I can honestly say I have never experienced a year like this!
As all of this craziness began, I understood more deeply I would have to find my CENTER in Christ and COUNT on Him in ways I never thought before.
I have had to see that there is beauty in the "backside" of 2020. When I felt I lost control, nothing was neat and tidy anymore, and everything was chaos is when the Lord took my hand and began to teach me more and more that He brings "beauty out of ashes, the oil of joy for mourning." (Isaiah 61)
I have had to begin viewing the uniqueness of this year differently and more positively. I have had to have "stronger reading glasses" as I search the Scriptures to find out how to navigate through the 2020 pattern. Believe me - it still stinks in a lot of ways and it does not always mean I am enjoying what has been happening, but I am learning to view it with more detailed vision - through the eyes of the Creator - and see each stitch as another beautiful filling in of the LIFE the Lord has planned for me.
I am learning to take life one-STEP-at-a-time in the way I have to take each-stitch-at-a-time in my cross-stitch. I am trying to literally walk each moment with the Lord showing me what I need for that specific moment. I do not want to get so caught up in "knots" of worry, getting frustrated, or complaining by trying to get through a hard part of life more quickly. That never ends well and wastes valuable time of moving forward.
I have been using even more LIGHT from Scripture to help me understand the pattern the Lord has planned for my life. His Word guides best and I have been clinging to that with all I have in me. I also have to focus more on what God's Word is showing me so that I make more careful moves in my pattern of life.
I have had to realize that my mistakes are ways to rework things in me that needed to be better and to trust that it will work out right. The Lord has had to remove some of the incorrect "thread" I have been sewing in the fabric that has not followed the pattern He has for me: the worry, complaining spirit, and unneeded anger. This has allowed me to view those emotions more carefully through Scripture in these strange times of our "2020 pattern".
I am seeing more and more that my Heavenly Father holds the fabric of my life and maneuvers the needle ever so carefully to create something in me that changes and grows. There really is beauty to behold with each move of the needle. Just as I have to be careful to not leave the needle lying around for a cat to swallow, I have to take my steps confidently while using the common sense I have learned over time to keep me (or others) spiritually, mentally, and emotionally safe. And I have to remember, that just like my cross-stitch does not get done without me there holding it and working the needle, so is my Heavenly Father doing the same in the pattern of my life. He never lets me go but carefully weaves the moments and times of my life to create more of Him and less of me.
I have had to learn that the constant change experienced in 2020 is actually a positive thing and does not have to be a "pain". There have been things I have had to learn in the changes that created different hues in my life that added more depth and richness to who I am in Christ. Even though it can still be frustrating at times, I have to remind myself to see it through the "one step at a time" approach, as mentioned above. Then, I am able to enjoy where I am for that step and then see how the Lord guides me into new steps that will reveal a new beauty from the Lord in my life.
I could have given up on this cross-stitch pattern a long time ago - and believe me, there were times! I could have decided it was just too difficult and would require too much of me to keep going. But I have learned that the struggle in all of this is what will make this beautiful piece so much more meaningful and majestic.
I could have given up on 2020....there have been and may still be times I want to do so. But 2020 has taught me more about staying close to the pattern of God's Word, struggling and growing to become more rich in the Lord, and being confident that He is holding the needle, thread, and fabric of my life.
As you see the picture below, it is of the "latest" in my cross-stitching. There are still a lot of blank spaces and I have a long way to go before I am finished, but it just reminds me constantly that the Lord is not finished with me - or any of you - yet. He's growing and changing us one stitch at a time.
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Psalm 37:23-24 (CSB) A person’s steps are established by the Lord, and he takes pleasure in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, because the Lord supports him with his hand. |