Be of Good Courage - I Am!

We have been on our "Journey of Hope for the Future" for a month. When we first began the journey, I was excited to watch how the Lord was going to work in our boy's life.

I still am....

...but I began to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all.

I began to feel as if I was drowning with trying to accomplish everything I had been called to do.  The road ahead was long and the day-to-day was becoming arduous.

Then the Lord reminded me of how much I am like Peter and had to take me across the Sea of Galilee to get me to see what I had been missing about this journey on which He has sent us.

To help, let me refresh you on what Scripture tells us in Matthew 14

22 Immediately [after feeding the 5,000] He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He sent the crowds away. 

23 After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone. 

24 But the boat was already a long distance from the land, battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary. 

25 And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. 

26 When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. 

27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

28 Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” 

29 And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 

30 But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” 

32 When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. 

33 And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “You are certainly God’s Son!”

I have always loved this passage of Scripture.  I guess you could say it would be one I could talk about so easily because it was a favorite.  I could "claim" it for others to give them encouragement when they are in storms of life because I know how the Lord is there for us.

One little thing - I was Peter here.
I knew the path that the Lord had us on was His plan. I saw Him perform the miracles of having every step of this process fall into place, just as Peter saw Jesus feed 5,000 + people on five loaves of bread and two fish preceding this passage of Scripture.

I was Peter when Jesus put the disciples in the boat while He finished up what He was doing with the 5,000 +.

Peter was a fisherman.  He knew what it was like to handle a boat! I am a teacher - I know what it is like to work with children and help them succeed!

I was Peter when he said "If it is really you, call me out of this boat to come to you."  I was Peter in that I GOT OUT OF THE BOAT - and began walking towards Jesus when He made it clear for us to COME along this path to help our son.

But then.....I was Peter in that I began to take my eyes off of the One Who had called me to this journey and began to pay attention to the wind and the waves around me.  I began to drown. I began to cry out for the Lord to save me....I was trying to do it all just as He had called me to do!  Only, I was Peter and I forgot to listen to the precious words spoken just minutes before Jesus called Peter to "come" out of the boat and walk toward Him.

I was Peter in that I forgot that Jesus said "Be of good courage.  It is I.  Be not afraid."

I learned in the last week that the translation for "It is I." should actually be rendered "I AM." When I learned that, this whole truth from God's Word began to take on deeper meaning and the Lord spoke to me as if immediately pulling me from the drowning waves asking me "Why are you of so little faith....why did you doubt?"

"Be of good courage, Kellie."

"I AM. "

"Do not be afraid of this journey and let the waves of what is ahead drown you. I never sent you on this journey alone. I knew all along what would be ahead of you.  I knew all along that you would need to keep your eyes on me with every step."

I AM.

He is not  "I Was."  "I Might."  "I Will Think About It." "I Could."

No.

I AM.

He is with me.  He is with our son. The Lord is with all circumstances He has placed in my family's lives right now because He IS!

He sent us on the boat for our son's future knowing full well what this journey was going to entail. He came to me when I was drowning in work expectations, home expectations, mom/wife expectations. He calmed my fears in the midst of this storm. He will see us to the end of this long journey.

He taught me also while grasping this passage that the "fourth watch of the night" is between 3 and 6 in the morning - exactly when I get up each day to head to school.  This is when I must call on Him and keep myself focused for that DAY.

Little did I realize that I needed to learn this deep spiritual truth because our son was battling the same overwhelming waves.  Within a couple of days, he came to me with tears in his eyes and said, "But what if this doesn't fix it?  What if nothing changes after you have gone to all of this for me?"

Be of good courage, our Son.

I AM is with us.

I could confidently tell Him what the Lord had just shown me to help him understand that the Lord had sent us on this journey and it WILL work because He is there giving us courage, picking us up when we fall, getting into the boat, and calming all of our fears.

He will see us to the other side of the Sea of Galilee.....our Journey of Hope for His Future.

So.... Be of Good Courage...

I AM.

This song has replayed in my mind over and over since the Lord deepened my understanding of His truths. May it bless you as it has me.

A Journey of Hope for the Future

When I took this photograph many years ago I never realized just how true this picture represented our son's future.  He wanted to be a farmer when he was a little guy, but things one might enjoy as a little child may not be what is still enjoyed in the older years.

For our now almost 18 year old young man, farming is still top priority, and the love for it has stayed steady and grown through the years.

There has just been one problem.

One major problem we have dealt with for years.

He hates school.  He has done poorly in school.  College was looking bleak.

We realize that farming does not require the same amount of schooling that a doctor or lawyer needs, but there is still an important aspect to education for farming.

For years we have worked with him.  We have tried to help him stay organized, keep him focused, give him study skills, etc...  He has struggled since his first year of Kindergarten.  He got a little better when we tried some medication to help him focus, but nothing has seemed to work since the 6th grade - and he is now in 11th grade.  The road to his future was not looking hopeful. 

For years we have prayed.  For years we have worked with him.  For years we have asked the Lord to help him get better.

For years. 

Years of feeling that the definition of insanity (wanting a different result but nothing changing) was our life with him.  Years of seeing our son see himself as, well, stupid.

After meeting with teachers and administrators at school we determined we would get him tested to see what we can do to help him.  He has always thought deeply, yet his attention would never let him stay on task.  We knew if we were to get him tested that would allow him to have interventions to help him where he is.

I began the process.  I printed off the 5,000 page (felt like it... it was probably just 20) packet that I needed to fill out to get him tested through the public system.

I struggled with this.  I struggled that I had not "helped" him with this years before.  I struggled with the fact it was SO much to fill out in the paperwork.  I struggled with the fact that it may not even work.  I struggled with the knowledge I learned that certain interventions had to already be in place for an extended time before the public system would even think to begin the testing process.

I struggled with the timing of it all.

I never really filled out all of the paperwork.

School began again in the fall. I felt like there was no hope - we would just have to push through and he would have to study harder.  He would have to put more effort into school.  He was just going to have to do it!

I accepted that school was not his thing.  I tried to cheer him on - only to have him come home and say that he was struggling yet again even though he was studying. We were at our wits end - we had no idea what to do.

Then came October - and the Lord used an event in my own life as the beginning of a Journey of Hope.  Through "chance", some might say, I was able to earn a free testing/consultation with a brain training company in our area.  What is so coincidental is that this was the same company I had written on a sticky note some years ago when he was struggling.  I was going to check them out - but money was the only obstacle. The testing was not through a public system so we would have to pay for it out of pocket.  Now, because of this surprise, I could schedule the testing.  I was just glad he would now have something to help his teachers give him more time to think in class and understand his focus issues.

We had him tested in late December. We were able to get the results at the very beginning of January.

What we learned blew us away.

Our son was not being "lazy" all of those years.  It was not just a case of Attention Deficit Disorder.    He was struggling - big time.  Our son was especially thankful for the testing - because he said now he was not crazy - or stupid - there really was a reason he had struggled for so long.

We knew the Lord had opened this door for him to be tested - now what?  We began to pray and ask the Lord what He would have us to do to help our son.

As we began to pray, the Lord began FLINGING open doors for him to begin his training. The Lord made it clear to me that I would have to be a part of this training process - meaning, I would be spending four hours each week training him at home, while he also had three hours a week with his trainer. This would last for nine months. This was certainly going to be a journey.

I cannot adequately express just how many ways the Lord directed our steps with this process for him. I look back now and am blown away by how He moved and worked in a seemingly quick time. However, we have been praying for his needs for years!

In God's timing, not ours, the needs of our son were being met.

Now I look to this journey - this "Journey of Hope for the Future" - and my son now actually sees HOPE.

This journey will not have its hardships - there is a lot of time that will be spent helping him. It will be hard.  I almost have the feeling you get in college when you look at the syllabus for a semester and get that knot in your stomach because you do not know how you are going to do everything.  I have been trying to wrap my mind around the fact that life for the next nine months will be totally different than any other. It is going to be challenging in so many ways. I have found myself wanting to rush through it just to get to the end.  I want it "over already."

But then the Lord began to bring this to my mind and heart:

The first nine months I carried him, along with his twin sister, was a new journey - and one I did not know how I was going to handle.  There were challenges along the way that I did not know how I was going to get through.  There were times I wanted it "over already" but I had to wait.  The Lord was there with me each step of the journey, just like He is now.  The Lord has put this journey before us to enable our son to have a HOPE and a FUTURE.

I just have to WAIT - and see what the Lord is going to do through this journey.  Meanwhile, I get to watch His plan unfold with a front row seat.  How awesome is that?

These are some verses the Lord has given to me in the last couple of weeks.  I have clung to them as I have been trying to figure out how I am going to get everything done.  I can trust that my Heavenly Father will walk with me every step of the way.

Isaiah 64:4

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,

Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,

Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

...and finally, the "theme" verse for my son and me as we train together.  Truth from the Lord for this Journey...

Ephesians 3:20-21a

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,  

to Him be glory

This Journey of Hope was not chance.  This journey was hand-directed by our Heavenly Father who knew the needs of our son when he was still in my womb 18 years ago.  In HIS timing, all of the plans He has for him are coming together.

To God be the glory - great things He has done - and will continue to do. 

He is to be praised.