08/03/13

There is a battle I have been "raging" this summer... and the past couple of years.

It is not abnormal.... most women I know are dealing with the same one.

It is the fact that I do not have the "skinny body" of years ago..... like what is pictured below.....

Well, except for the hair..... and the dress.... and maybe the shoes.... 

 

.. but now have the "I-am-over-40-and-weight-likes-to-stick-with-me-body."

Why does it seem like such a strange battle that I should write a post on this, you might ask, when most women deal with this?

I guess it is because I never used to battle my weight.  I watched what I ate and stayed the same weight but still enjoyed indulgences from time to time without the worry.

Now, I can watch what I eat, have done the exercise thing... and still gained.  I realize to most of you who know me in real life may think I do not "look" like I have gained, but my clothing tells me otherwise.

This summer I was struggling a lot with who I was now.

Self-perception can be such an ugly lie from Satan.  I began to forget that my worth and value is not how I look on the outside, which doesn't mean I want to have a carefree attitude, but what matters is what is on the inside.

Isn't that what I teach my students year after year that man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart?

Why, then, is it so hard to believe that and apply it for yourself?

Women, especially, seem to compare themselves to each other all of the time.  I was doing it OFTEN.

I had a conversation with a precious friend and was telling her to please pray that I would begin losing weight.  She asked me something I never thought I'd hear and I can't stop thinking about it.  She asked me what was my purpose in losing the weight?

 I just expected her to tell me she would pray for me and she sympathized with me. 

Instead, she made me think!

Was it that I wanted to be the small size I was before children? 

Before 40.  

Before LIFE happened.  

Was it a selfish reason or something other than that?

I did come up with the fact that I have a lot of clothes that I can't wear now and that I would like to wear them again.  Plus, I don't want to let my health go.

Her point was this - I should not be desiring to lose weight because of the wrong motivation.  If I have valid reasons, that is understandable, but could it be that I am where I am because God is teaching me something?

Hmmm..... I had to chew on that, and chew I did.

As I was doing my Bible study this summer, I struggled with the Lord over why I have gained all of this weight in the last couple of years.  I began to pray daily that He would help me to lose it.  In fact, as I went through the study of the first few weeks that was my main prayer focus.

Then, I read Colossians 2:10a -
 "And ye are complete in him,"

The Lord began to show me that it isn't what is on the outside with my weight that matters.  What matters is what I am learning about Him and changing on the INSIDE.

The outside will eventually take care of itself.  God will, in His timing, take care of all of that, too.  For now, He is teaching me to be comfortable in the body I have in this season of my life.

It doesn't mean I am to have a "free-for-all" mentality when it comes to taking care of my body, but to realize that being complete in Him is where I need to be.  I can't compare myself to the world or the Kellie I used to be..... because that is not the Kellie I am today.

Here are a few more verses He gave me during that day of Bible study and they hit home again today when I re-read them:

Colossians 3:1-4

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.  

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

When Christ returns, and I am with Him, I will have the perfect body.  Until then, I desire from the Lord the ability to take care of His temple in me, but not become obsessed if I don't look a certain way because what truly matters most is what is for eternity.

That is where my heart... and body image...should dwell.