Sunday, March 10, 2024

Pouring In

My son was doing maintenance on his truck last summer and changing the oil. He found the diesel oil, checked it, smelled it, and looked at it and all seemed normal. He poured it into his engine and went on with his day. As the day wore on his truck began to act really strange and was not running properly. By the next day he had to park the truck as the engine froze. 

He could not understand what had happened until he went back to the diesel oil container and looked at it again comparing it to other liquids in the barn. He found that what he thought was diesel oil in that container was actually weed killer. What he thought was real diesel oil had actually been an empty container that had been used in the past couple of years as a storage place for extra mixed weed killer - but had not been marked as to what was truly in the bottle. 

It looked like the real thing and he said it even felt like the real oil, but it killed his engine. His truck was totaled. What he thought he was pouring in to help his motor actually ended up being detrimental. 

He and I have discussed many times how applicable his issue with his truck is to our spiritual lives. How many times have we poured in something to our "spiritual engines" that looked, smelled, and felt right, only to find out it was "spiritual weed killer?"

There are many things in this world that we pour into our lives each day: social media, the news, music, podcasts, day-to-day conversations, etc.. What we pour into our lives will either strengthen and maintain our "spiritual engines" or it will cause them to lock up and die.

This year my heart has been focused on pouring in TRUTH and how important it is to search for it. There are a lot of "truths" out in our world, but can they really ALL be a truth when they are saying different things? What my son thought was "true oil" turned out to be something totally different and destructive. I cannot help but think of all we see and hear that permeate our minds and hearts. There can be things that seem to be good for us to pour into our lives, but in the end they leave us spiritually weakened and destroyed.

The Lord has been impressing more and more on my heart that I must go to His Word for truth and life. In His Word He tells us how HE made this world. It is His creation and He knows the beginning from the end. God's truth is how we can hold on when things are dark and heavy. It is there we find ways to praise Him when the days are easy and our burdens are light. His truth will lead you the right way when the unexpected happens and you do not know how the next step will be taken. His truth is the light in the darkness, the balm to the soul, the "correct oil for our spiritual engines." 

God's TRUTH is what 

guides, 

heals, 

saves, 

calms,

frees,

moves,

FILLS.

I want to be pouring God's Word into my life and heart so much as I maintain my "spiritual engine" that I am safe from becoming spiritually destroyed because I am filled with TRUTH. 

John 10:10 (NIV)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Psalm 86:11 (CSB)
Teach me your way, Lord,
and I will live by your truth.
Give me an undivided mind to fear your name.

The way the Lord worked out my son's truck situation is something amazing - insurance paid off most of what was left. While for a time my son had no truck, my family saw the Lord work for him as he spoke the truth of his circumstance and let the Lord work out the details. As we clung to the Lord and His TRUTH, He poured into my son the ability to trust Him when all seemed lost. He also showed ME what it meant to use His truth to pray over a circumstance.

So, what are you pouring into your "spiritual engine?" 

Seek His Word first. God's TRUTH will always be worth pouring over and into your life. 

Sunday, December 24, 2023

Quiet Christmas Meditations

This Christmas is quiet.

There are not the sounds of little (or big) feet constantly going back and forth in the house. Having constant busyness the few days before Christmas has not happened this year as it has in the past. In fact, I have spent more time alone since I finished my first semester of school than I can ever recall. 

Life has certainly changed this year with both of our kids getting married and us now experiencing the empty nest. There are days that I am not certain what to do with myself and all of this TIME I had always so desperately wanted. While I have enjoyed the quiet and am thankful for a time of recharge, there is something surreal about where my heart is this Christmas. My Momma's heart has been full but yet empty at the same time.

For many years, this verse has repeatedly played in my heart at Christmas because of so many changes that have been taking place with our kids getting older and nothing staying the same.

Luke 2:19 (CSB)  
But Mary was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them.

For those who personally know me, I am a deep thinker. I enjoy getting lost in my thoughts. Sometimes that is to my detriment but other times it is where my longing soul connects with the Lord in ways I cannot do when I am so busy. I resonate with how the Lord described Mary in Luke 2:19. Mary treasured everything that was happening to her and meditated on them. 

As I have sat in a lot of quietness, the Lord has drawn my heart to the past Christmases of excitement and life on the go. I fondly recall the cookies and other treats made,  "reindeer food" put out on Christmas Eve, going to see Santa and the lights of Christmas, running around with friends to experience different traditions, and watching the excitement on our children's faces. This year my Momma's heart aches for that time again, but I know that life is full of changes. It is what I do with those changes that matter most.

For years I have celebrated the birth of our Savior with a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" feeling. Everything was just so BUSY and the excitement all around me took away the quiet that I now do not know how to handle. The picture to the left is something I drew YEARS ago for my classroom - the cute baby Jesus asleep on the hay, in a manger made out of wood (which actually would have been made of stone), covered with a purple blanket because it's my favorite color because Christmas was so - SWEET - and because it was a warm and cozy good-feeling time of the year. So innocent. So welcoming. 
The Lord is using this time in my life to help me move past the busyness and common view of "sweet" Christmas to treasure more of Him in my heart and meditate on HIM. As my life begins this quieter journey of motherhood, I can help future generations understand the beauty of Emmanuel - God With Us.

Emmanuel.

God is always with us. 
He gives us what we need when we NEED it.

Mary and Joseph were shown a stable in which to bed down and that is where Jesus was born.  The first to be told of Emmanuel were the lowly, stinky, illiterate, nomadic Shepherds. These men were seen unfavorably by society because of their job of caring for sheep. These outcasts were not the sanitized view that I also have hanging on my wall at school (the Precious Moments shepherd - so cute), but they were some of the lowest of the low. However, Emmanuel's birth was revealed to them first. He understood their need. He understood what they could and could not understand. He gave them a SIGN of a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. These illiterate men who were society's outcasts were given the ability to understand God's plan of redemption in a way that made sense to them! They, the keepers of the sheep for the temple, would wrap perfect lambs that would become sacrifices in the temple and place them in the stable manger area. These same men who were not seen fit to enter the temple were the first to fall down and worship the Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the whole world.

The Lord continues to help me see that I am just like those Shepherds. I am lowly, "stinky", and unfit to enter His presence because of my sin. I am illiterate about Who He really is. I am "nomadic" in my trust in His plans for my life. Yet, HE came to ME. He will do what it takes to give me the SIGNS that He is Who He says He is. I just have to leave that pasture of busyness, search for Him, fall before Him, and adore Him. This quiet season is allowing me to do just that. I often wonder - could that have been some of what Mary was pondering in her heart? Could it have been the emotions of realizing she was holding HER Savior and she understood those shepherds' excitement? 

This time of year can be celebrated because God came DOWN. He will do whatever is needed to draw us to Him. 

Even giving a quiet emptiness that can only be filled by Him.

Monday, September 04, 2023

Praise, Indeed

The word the Lord gave me on which to meditate for this year was "praise." 

Praise was the word He gave me a few years back so I was actually surprised that He kept giving it to me for this year. I knew we would be praising the Lord with celebrations as our kids got married to the ones He had chosen for them so I figured He was just helping me have an easy word to take through the year! However, as I have walked through this year, the Lord has reminded me to praise Him - but in different ways than what I had previously thought. Yes, I praised the Lord for the weddings, but it was deeper than that. 

The verse the Lord gave me for my display on our mantle to keep "praise" in front of my family was Psalm 113:3 - 

"From the rising of the sun to its setting, let the name of the Lord be praised." 

Unfortunately, earlier in the year we had someone come help clean the house and they accidentally erased most of it off of my display area when dusting. Because there was so much going on between planning two weddings and teaching school, I just never had the energy to write it again. It still is more than halfway erased even though I had summer to fix it. 

However, in all of that time, I have looked at that display realizing I must praise the Lord from the rising of the sun to its setting - even when the words have been blurred and I can't see it

It is so easy to praise the Lord for what we can see. 

But we also must learn to praise Him when it is something in the story of our life that has been blurred and we CANNOT SEE. That form of praise is much harder. 

This year the Lord had me in a Bible study on the book of Isaiah. It was one of those studies I did not want to end. It taught me more deeply to strive less and trust the Lord more. During this study, the Lord revealed this verse in a deeper way.  He showed it to me during a set of circumstances that we just did not understand. A time when it was hard to praise Him for what was happening.

Psalm 12:2 (CSB) - 

"Indeed, God is my salvation; I will trust Him and not be afraid, for the Lord, the LORD HIMSELF is my strength and my song. He has become my salvation."

In context, this verse is part of a praise chapter in Isaiah. It is a song of praise for the Lord's deliverance of His people. Because I love to learn the importance of wording, I searched this verse in different versions of Scripture to see how it was conveyed. The way it is written in the CSB really resonated with what the Lord has been teaching me this year. 

All versions I looked up began this verse with "behold" - but the CSB beginning starts with "INDEED." 

I just had to look up what "indeed" means simply because there are so many words that we commonly use, but forget their true meaning.

According to Merriam-Webster "indeed" means:

  • without any question: TRULY, UNDENIABLY
  • in reality
  • all things considered: as a matter of fact

This verse also repeats the Lord's name twice. In Scripture, anything said twice in a row gives greater emphasis to what is being communicated. Knowing that the Lord, the Lord Himself, is sovereign and in control of all that happens in our lives, we can praise Him, indeed.

Here is this verse as a song of praise using the words from the dictionary:

We can praise Him, INDEED, because without any question, truly, undeniably, in reality, and as a matter of fact it is THE LORD - The LORD HIMSELF - who is our strength, song, and salvation.

HE IS our strength in the struggles.

HE IS our song when we feel we have lost the ability to sing His praises.

HE IS our salvation through it all.

  • The good and the bad. 
  • The blurred lines of life. 
  • The seen and unseen. 
  • The highs and the lows. 
  • The feelings of trust or doubt.

Praise HIM.

INDEED.

Saturday, August 19, 2023

The Present

My Momma's Heart has continued to ponder over these last few months.

I have been thinking of THE PRESENT.

The present of my children.

The present of my life.

The present of my family.

The last few years have been a blur. The life we all have lived in this world for the last three (due to the pandemic) has been overwhelming and I have found that a lot of things have passed which caused me to not be able to retain the memory of that moment. I have had people ask if I remember something and I feel a loss in realizing I could not remember.

As both of our kids got married this summer, one thing the Lord kept putting on my heart was to be PRESENT. I wanted to remember. I wanted to ponder everything in my heart and keep it close. I purposely did that and will forever hold those memories in my heart. I savor every view, smell, or touch that I had on their very special days and the days leading up to the weddings. 

But as I have pondered on the present, I have always been concerned that I was not always present as Wesley and Mikayla were growing up. Having been a teacher all of their lives, I always felt like I had given more to my students each day than I had to my own children. 

I used to scrapbook. I wish I still had the time and energy to do so, but I am so glad that at least for the first five years of their lives, Wesley and Mikayla have their lives documented! As I have been thinking about how to put the present into words, the Lord led me to the pictures below. 

This was "the present" for a long time. Utter chaos! This was my scrapbooking area also known as our dining room. I was constantly trying to keep up with what Wesley and Mikayla were doing and recording it for posterity. 

All the while, I was thinking, and have also been thinking A LOT recently, that I was not always present in their growing years.

I look back and realize so many times were chaotic and rushed.
Rush to school. 
Rush to an appointment. 
Rush to a practice. 
Rush to get to bed. 

The moments are jumbled in my mind like the looks of my dining room in that picture!

But then I look at the picture posted below and see scattered pictures of "the present" of that specific time that I had captured. The Lord helped me see that in order to capture those pictures, I had to be present.


In that rush, I was still present with them. I may not remember every detail, but all of those details mesh together to create the PRESENT of where we are today. I would not take anything for that PRESENT of love and grace in my life!

As I continued to muse on this throughout the summer, the Lord showed me how my concerns and thoughts of being present as a Mom can apply to my spiritual life as well. 

Even though in the present I may not always think or feel that the Lord is there with me, HE IS. Because He is in my PAST and knows my FUTURE, that means THE PRESENT is always in front of Him. I can trust that He will never leave me or forsake me. I can know that in the scrapbook of my life, He has remembered everything and even if I forget, He never will.

The present is in His hands and that is the best present any of us could ever receive. We can trust and be grateful for the PRESENT of HIS love, grace, and faithfulness in our lives!

Friday, April 28, 2023

Letting Go

Our son has just recently separated his calves from their Mommas. It was not an easy thing to witness due to the distress both were showing. When the calves were taken away to their new pasture up the road, the Mommas were bellowing.

And they bellowed all night.

I understand.

You see, this picture seems like just yesterday. 

I was finally a Momma after many years of trying and so grateful for these twins the Lord had given to us. We dedicated them to the Lord as babies. We always *knew* they were His gifts to us that would not stay under our roof forever. But that was such a LONG way away!

At that time, I could not see how quickly my holding onto them would turn into letting go.

My reflections have increased as of late because both of these babies are getting married very soon. Along with those reflections have come some emotions for which I was not prepared. 

I am feeling like those Momma cows were voicing - a deep emotional bellow. I am finding that no one can prepare you for what it means to fully "let go." 

How can one put into words what it really means to let go? Could it be right now that my inward bellowing is another facet of how the Holy Spirit understands our groaning as Romans 8:26 speaks?

 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

My pondering has been all over the place. I have gone back in time to when they were born all the way up to the last second I saw them and the interactions that took place. I can see a picture of them, of which I have many, and it will take me to that moment. That memory. That clinging. However, at each moment I observe I am reminded that I have been constantly letting go from the first time I held them in my arms:

the nursery

the first crawls and walks

the first words

the first holidays

the first toddler moments

the first day of Kindergarten

the first lost tooth

the first day of being out of "my" building at school and into the Elementary

the first of many "Mom, I need...."

the first day of middle school

the first day of hormones (and all that comes with it!)

the first day of high school

the first crush

the first heartache

the first (of many) long talks and discipling with God's Word

the first day of driving

the first prom

the high school graduation (which was bad enough....)

the first day of college

the first day of meeting their special one the Lord has given to them and realizing everything was changing

the first day after they were engaged....to my almost last day of them living completely under my roof.


I find myself trying to live in the past, present, and future all at the same time.

But only God can do that!

My emotions never know right now whether to laugh or cry; whether to rejoice or be sad.

All of what is happening is GOOD and ordained by God's plan. Just like my son knows that separating those Momma cows from their calves is part of life and necessary, so too is this moment with my own babies.

But the inward bellowing is a real thing. The cows just seem to voice it more easily than me.

No longer am I my son's first love. His wife will take that roll, as it should be, and they will become their own family.

No longer am I my daughter's first call (or first shopping buddy). Her husband will be the one she reaches out to first because that is what is ordained when they leave and come together as one.

I am trusting the Lord as I take their hands out of mine and put them completely into His. I just never knew when I held them the first time how hard that would actually be.

It is taking my trust in the Lord to a whole new level. 

But isn't that what life is all about? Isn't that what He reminds us so often in His Word that there will be hard things and times we must let go? 

But there is a truth that He shows us more strongly during these times: 

HE never lets US go. 

I am thankful that while I am having to let them go and He holds them tightly,  He is holding onto me, too.

My bellowing Momma's heart is clinging to that truth.

Saturday, December 31, 2022

Changes of Praise

This year, 2022, the Lord gave me the word "devotion" on which to think and grow. It has been a year of learning more devotion to Him, my family, my work, and those around me. This does not mean that I have not been a devoted person beforehand, as my heart's desire is to always be faithful. The last two years were such a distraction to my heart and soul that I needed this year to heal and process all that the Lord taught me when I was clinging to Him with everything I had. 

For this coming year, the Lord is making it clear that the words on which He desires for me to ponder are praise and change.

Praise is craved. Praise is uplifting. Praise is effortless when life is going as planned.

While change is part of life, some can be viewed as welcome and exciting; others are overwhelming and exhausting.

The words of praise and change take me back to the fall of the year. Every year this season is a hectic time for me with school and other responsibilities. I rarely get the chance to view it at a slower pace. This past fall, the Lord gave me time to absorb and capture the color palette around me. It inspired my soul to view the colorful changes happening before my eyes. The Lord began to use these visual changes of fall to teach me about what He was preparing for me in the new year. 

The following photograph was taken long ago before so many changes happened near our home. This is a favorite picture to which I refer back to time and again. 


There is nothing like the peak season of the leaves showing off their brilliance. The beauty that is seen is majestic and photographic. It is a time of praise to our Creator for the glory He shows us before the winter season.


However, as I have photographed the grandness of the fall season, when viewing the details, the changing of the leaves looks more like the picture below - not so picture-perfect. I was going to do photoshopping on the leaves to fill in the holes and give a perfect view of the leaf. 


But the Lord stopped me and used the above picture to make me pause and think. He had something to show me for my own life. 

The view of the changing leaves from afar gives a delightful impression, but the accurate and up-close view can be ugly and distracting. Very few leaves I have photographed are perfectly colored and without some type of imperfection. The holes and misshapen areas are evidence that change is not always a thing of beauty. It is a performance of dying to what once was so that it can become new again.

As I look forward to the next year, I already see two changes coming our way because of devotion! Our children have found the one the Lord has for them and will be getting married in the late spring and mid-summer. That is praiseworthy! However, the life we have known for all these years will be forever changed. 

This Momma's Heart has been wrestling with that change. I have been devoted to my children since before they were born. As a Mom, I feel misshapen and left with holes that once were full of life. Just as in the fall season, the leaves fall and die to replenish the earth and get ready for the coming growing season, change is requiring me to fall from what I have been for so long, die to who I think I should be, and praise the Lord for what He will transform in me.

Change is part of this life. Change is beautiful. Change is hard and painful.  

But that is what praise in the change is all about - changing us from what we were to what we need to become. For the tree to mature, the old leaves must fall off and allow new growth to appear. The same happens in life - change causes our old selves to become something new, and in that process, praise goes to our Creator for how HE changes us. The best part of praise in the changing is that God never changes. Because He is always the same, any change in this life can be praised because He is faithful and stays the same. We can trust that the changes He is doing in us are for our good and His glory. 

So, join me in praising the Lord for change. His faithfulness allows us to look back and gaze on the overall beauty that change provides while not dwelling on what had to occur to view that beauty.

Malachi 3:6a (ESV)
For I the Lord do not change;

Psalm 59:17 (CSB)
To you, my strength, I sing praises, because God is my stronghold - my faithful God.

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Focused Eyes

I am a strong visual learner, so my eyesight is a large part of how I experience the world around me. In the last couple of years, I tried to focus on what the Lord was allowing me to view of life. Like all those around me, I could only view what was right in front of me just to survive. It was literally a step-by-step process and there was no viewing of a bigger picture. There was no time to "stop and smell, or view, the roses." 

 

This year, the Lord has shown me how I can see Him again with more focused eyes. He has shown me how to look back on the last two years and see how He was always there focusing my vision even when I thought everything I saw was out of focus. 

 

And He revealed this deeper truth to me using a bee.

 

If you know me personally, you know how much I love to photograph God's Creation. The details always fascinate me. To view those details up close, I use my macro lens which allows me to view what I see with magnification. At different seasons I love to capture what is on display. This summer was no different and I had the chance to aimlessly wander around and view the beauty. As I was focused on certain plants, the bees caught my eye. They were everywhere doing their God-given job of pollinating and bringing new life to the world around us, so I began to photograph them.

 

Bees, like most insects, have three simple eyes and two compound eyes. They have the ability to see all colors except for red but can see lesser hues of red such as oranges or yellows. They also have the capability to see ultraviolet light which is not a feat for human eyes. The ability to see ultraviolet light allows the bee to see details hidden in the plants that are unseen to the human eye. Bees use their simple eyes to guide them in the right direction. Those simple eyes can use the sun, even on a cloudy day, to navigate where they are in their area, and it can also lead them back home. The compound eyes of the bee allow it to have the ability to focus on a plant even when it is windy or if there are other distractions. They never miss their mark and always do their purposed work.

 

As I kept photographing the bees, I could not help but think of the verse the Lord gave me for this year on which to meditate:

 

Psalm 119:37(CSB) - Turn my eyes from looking at what is worthless; give me life in your ways.

 

Sometimes I struggle to keep my eyes from looking at what is worthless. I focus on what is simply seen instead of using the compound eyes of Scripture to have a clear focus of what is shown to me. That lack of focus can happen through events in daily living, the news, social media, or the comparison trap.

 

The Lord used this verse, and the bees, to deepen my understanding of what He has been showing me in the past two years. There are a lot of worthless things in this world, but if I keep my eyes focused on the guiding light of the Son, even when it appears the clouds of life have covered Him, I will always be headed in the right direction. This "ultraviolet" focus will reveal details that can only be seen when viewed through the light of Scripture no matter the distractions surrounding my circumstances. I must trust that the Lord will use His ultraviolet light to reveal the details that can be easily missed with my humanness. I can then have a more abundant life because I am remembering my purpose is to glorify Him and do His work instead of focusing on what will not last.


So, see like a bee. 

 

Focus on the life-giving Word of the Lord and the worthless things will grow dim in the light of His glory and grace.



 

(Because bees fascinate me, if you want to read more about them, here is an article I read to understand them more: How Bees See and Why It Matters)